It’s not me.
32
NOVA
ONE MONTH LATER
November in Boston took a sharp cold turn, sending me scrambling for the winter clothes I hastily stuck in storage before my trip to Denver.
As I head home from the café, the wind blows inside the collar of my coat.I pull it tighter around me.
I text my new roommate a picture of me bundled up.
She responds almost immediately.
You still don’t regret telling your old boss to fuck off?
Then, I’d have more salary for a car.
No, I reply.
It’s true, most of the time.
The pay was better than at the café, though I get good tips some days.
I talked to Mari on the phone after she got back from her honeymoon, listening to her gush about the weather and the ocean and the food.
I’ve been ignoring social media.I don’t have notifications turned on because I don’t want to see anything Mari might be posting about the team, and ditto for Brooke or Chloe, whom I've followed since the wedding.
Except one night when I was out for a double date one of my old friends set me up on.We went to a sports bar, and the Kodiaks game was on.My date asked if I was into sports, and I said no.
“Wade’s a beast, but he’s overrated.”
“No way, he’ll come back this year,” the other guy retorted.“You seen the numbers he put up last week?He’s a machine.”
“I heard he’s a prick.”
“He can be whatever he wants.Still gonna have the entire world lining up to suck his dick at the end of the night.”
With every mention of the star player, my appetite faded away.
Clay didn’t break my heart.He couldn’t have, I reasoned, because we were never together.
But his letter is still buried in the back of my drawer.
It wasn’t meant to be.
I’m not who you think.
We couldn’t have been anything.
Clay’s note passed through Harlan felt crueler than Brad’s letter in the mailbox because I thought Clay and I understood one another.I hated that he wouldn’t tell me to my face.I hated that he let me in, then slammed the door.
He made me feel stupid and gullible in a way I swore I wouldn’t again.
On my way home from the double date, I searched his name.
Still nothing about a trade with LA, though there were low-level rumors the way there are about everything.
