I had no idea what tomorrow wouldbring.
I only knew there was no cure for what Ihad.
It was part ofme.
But in this moment, right now, the only moment I had, I wasn’t drinking. I wanted to drink, but I wasn’t gonnadrink.
And I was always gonna walk thisroad.
Like Seth said in the song he wrote, it was the road to hell andback.
We’d both been to hell. We’d both hit bottom, young and fast. And we’d both be walking back from that place for the rest of ourlives.
Seth, that fortunate bastard, had fallen in love with a woman who loved him enough to walk that road withhim.
I just didn’t know if Maggie was ever gonna walk mine withme.
And if she wouldn’t… Was I ever gonna find a reason to do it, besides keeping air in my lungs, that would feelworthwhile?
Because at the end of the day, the music and the money, the fame and the fans and all the pussy in the universe didn’t make itworthwhile.
Nothing made it feel worthwhile, withouther.
Because I lovedher.
I wasn’t addicted to Maggie. She wasn’t some obsession, and I wasn’t gonna let her kill me. She could try, but it wasn’thappening.
I just wanted to loveher.
* * *
As I mademy way back to the car, the sky was lightening to a pale violet-gray in the east. Some clouds were bunched around the mountains on the horizon, the sun about to break through, a new day about tostart.
Fucking Buddha of the desert had fallenasleep.
I kicked his snakeskin boot and he jolted awake. He straightened his hat and sat up with a shiver. “Fuck. It’scold.”
“Noshit.”
* * *
“I’ve gota bottle of Jack in my hotelroom.”
Seth said nothing in response to my confession as hedrove.
I raked my hand through my hair, clawing it back from my face. Not even a couple of hours of pacing in the desert had mellowed me out. If anything, I was more agitated thanbefore.
And I was fuckingjonesing.
“What,” I fired at him, “you just spewed more words at me in that desert than I’ve probably ever heard out of your mouth, and now you’ve got nothing tosay?”
He saidnothing.
I sighed, but it came out an aggravatedgrowl.
“Okay.Fuck, you’re an asshole. The truth is, I do this sometimes. Most of the time.No.All the time. I have a full, sealed bottle on me. On the road. At home. Everywhere.” I glanced at him. He just kept his eyes on the roadahead.
Nothing.
