“Ifhe ever did, I’d put him straight. You can count on me for that, Maggs. No matter what you think, I’m telling you, there’s no way I’d ever let him hold this shit against you or let it fuck with your job. Ever. You getthat?”
She didn’t say anything. Because she didn’t getit.
She didn’t believeme.
And I knew she had her reasons for not trustingme.
Goodreasons.
I knew she was afraid of risking her job over this—risking pretty much everything that mattered to her. Which meant she’d cut me way more slack than I’d everdeserved.
I gotthat.
I knew I’d disappointed her, hurt her, and in her mind, betrayedher.
But fuck no. Whatever she thought of me in her darkest Zane-hating moments, I’d never fuck with her job. I’d never fucking do that to her. And I’d never let Dirty loseher.
How to convince her of that,though?
The woman was stubborn asshit.
“If Brody or anyone else has a problem with you fucking me,” I told her, “I’ll deal withthem.”
“Who cares about the fucking!” she half-yelled. “It’s not about the sex, Zane.” She took a breath and lowered her voice. “Don’t you get that? No one gives a shit who you fuck, becauseyou are always fucking someone. If it’s me, they might be a little pissed or concerned, for about a minute. But it’s not about fucking. It’s aboutus. This fucked-up shit betweenus.”
“I know that,Maggs.”
“No,” she said. “You don’t. You just think it’s all some stupidgame—”
“It’s not agame.”
“Everything to you is a game.Lifeis a game. You get arrested, you break someone’s heart, you end up in the hospital getting stitches, it’s all the same to you. The next day you’re onto the next thing. You’re completely fucking ignorant about the trail of crap you leave in your wake, everywhere you go, because me and Brody and Jude are always cleaning it up for you. You don’t have the first fucking clue how this will affect anyone else, because the truth is, you don’t actuallycarehow it affects anyone else. But itmatters,Zane.”
“I know it matters,Maggie—”
“Do you? Do you know how much it matters? Because I’ve been managing Dirty for years, and I’m telling you,thisis gonna totally fuck with the tour and the band. Like some cancer. Like that ugly thing you can’t see and can’t quite make sense of but it’s always there, festering at the corners of your mind, out of your control, until you totally fucking resent it and you just want itgone. Want things back the way they were before. But it’s not about the sex. It’s the secret that’s theproblem.”
“So? If the secret is the problem, then let’s just fuckingtellthem.”
Maggie sighed, pinching the bridge of hernose.
“Whenever you want,” I said, moving closer to her. “However youwant.”
“Telling them won’t make it any better. When are you gonna see that? Whether they know about it or not, this thing between us isfucked.”
“No, Maggs. It won’t be a secret anymore, and we can work out our shit in theopen.”
“Are you listening to me? There’s nothing to work out,Zane.”
“That’sbullshit, Maggie, and you know it. And don’t fucking tell me all you want from me is my dick, because if that’s all this was about you could’ve had it years ago. You could’ve had it every single day since we got married. But you haven’t. It’s been almost two years since our wedding night and you’ve let me have you like a dozen times. So you’re right. This is about way more than fucking. Let’s just call it what itis.”
I held her gaze. She saidnothing.
I leaned in close, so she couldn’t ignoreit.
“Maggie, I lovey—”
“NO. We’re not doingthat.”
