“Meaning what?” he growled. I’d found my phone and glanced up at him; he stared back at me, anger sharpening his features. “You’re gonna go dothiswith whatever other guys you care about,too?”
I started checking messages on my phone. “If I want to.” I sent a text toKatie.
Me:Breakfast?
I tucked my phone away and found my hotel key card. Then I looked at him calmly. “It’s not as if you’ve been faithful tome.”
He hadn’t. He definitelyhadn’t.
Not that I’d ever actually expected himto.
And yet I’d been faithful to him. The entire time we’d beenmarried.
Because I was a fucking masochist likethat.
His jaw hardened, his nostrils flaring as he sucked in a breath. “Faithful to what?” he said. “A marriage you want no partof?”
“Right. Because when it suits you we’re married and I should play the doting wife. And when it suits you we’re not married and you can fuck whoever you want. Sounds like the marriage of my dreams.” Now I was just getting pissed off. Why did he always have to do this? “I’m not holding you to it,” I informed him. “I never asked you or expected you to stay married to me. I’ve asked you for a divorce, manytimes.”
“So? I thought we were past all that bullshit. I thought maybe you were actually gonna give this a fuckingchance.”
“So, it’s your fault we’re still married!” Yep. I lost it. Started yelling, which was something I’d promised myself, after the last round of bullshit with Dallas, I wasn’t gonna do anymore. I was not gonna lose my cool with him and yet here I was, screaming at him. “And it’s your fault you can’t stay faithful to the marriage!What the fuckdo you want fromme?”
Then I turned and walked out before he couldanswer.
* * *
After yellingat Zane and storming out, then berating myself for all of it—for fucking him, for making love to him, for yelling at him and storming out—I avoided him for the rest of theday.
And the nextday.
Even at theshow.
After the show, I went along with everyone to some bar, but I stayed the hell away from our lead singer. I definitely wasn’t drinking any of his sexually suggestive shooters tonight. I didn’t even staylong.
The next day, I communicated with him only through text message, and only aboutbusiness.
After the buses rolled out of San Francisco and I still hadn’t spoken to him, he sent me a singletext.
Zane:please take down yourwall
I didn’trespond.
* * *
Once we arrived in L.A.,it got a little easier to avoidhim.
Besides the two shows Dirty was playing while we were in town, Zane was also playing a show with his side project band, Wet Blanket, which meant he was extrabusy.
He had a ton of interviews to do during the day, as usual, a few appearances to do with Dirty, rehearsals with Wet Blanket, and he was pretty much busy around the clock. As wasI.
Our second day in L.A., the band drove out to Death Valley anyway, to meet up with a film crew and shoot the video for “Somewhere,” a gorgeous ballad written by Seth which would be the second single off theTo Hell & Backalbum. It was a long day; they were gone before dawn and got back aftermidnight.
I didn’t go to the shoot. Taliadid.
Fortunately, we were getting into a pretty decent groove—Talia and I. A groove whereby I had her dealing with Zane on my behalf. Dealing with any texts, emails, phone calls or in-person business involving Zane in anyway.
I spent most of my time in my hotel room, on my laptop and my phone. Or at the gym, doing yoga. Nothing like a whole lot of downward dog to keep a girl feeling strong. I was not gonna let anything—even my fucked-up relationship with Zane—mess with myhealth.
