Which meant that whatever Zane and I were going through, together or apart, I knew it wasn’t up to me anymore to decide if and when it was okay for me to get close to himagain.
It was up toZane.
* * *
That nightin Salt Lake City, we had our band meeting in the hotel, in Brody’s room. No one was in the room except the members of Dirty and me, Brody, Jude andShady.
Brody filled everyone in on the situation, and he pulled no punches. The fact that Zane had almost drank in Vegas. That he was giving himself one chance to continue with the tour and stay sober while he didit.
That he wasn’t smoking weedanymore.
That it was the responsibility of every person in this room to supporthim.
He informed them all that Talia would be handling Zane’s personal schedule. That Zane would be spending his time at the gym and AA meetings in favor of parties and bars, and that until further notice there would be no booze and no drugs of any kindbackstage.
He also informed them that yes, Zane and I were married, legally, but that we currently weren’t together, and beyond that, it was the business of absolutely no one but Zane andI.
Brody did all the talking, so Zane and I wouldn’t have to. When he was done, he asked, “Anyquestions?”
There were no questions at all. We’d all been through this before—at least, the addiction part—and we all knew how serious it was. And one thing I knew for sure: every person in this room cared more about Zane than about thetour.
“I have something to say,” Zane said, turning to Matt. “I owe you an apology for flipping my shit on you. Maggie said you weren’t doing anything out of line. Just hard for me to see it that way. I get kinda bent out of shape about it, you know, since she’s mywife.”
Everyone was silent. It probably wasn’t lost on anyone that Zane had just described me as his wife.Again.
And there was definitely a little bite in his tone. Kinda like an apology-slash-laying-of-claim.
I felt Elle’s eyes onme.
“I didn’t know, man,” Mattsaid.
“No one knew,” I offered, trying to let Matt off the hook. Maybesomepeople knew, but it wasn’t Matt’s fault hedidn’t.
Matt glanced at me, then looked at Zane again. “I’m not gonna lie,” he added, cautiously, “and pretend my intentions were entirely honorable. But it won’t happenagain.”
Zane’s eyes narrowed as he considered that. Then he said, “Then we don’t have aproblem.”
There was nothing else to discuss, at least not in a group setting, so the meeting broke. I was relieved to see Matt walk up to Zane and the two of them have a hug. By the looks of things, everyone else was headed in Zane’s direction to do thesame.
I headed for the door, but Elle caught up to me. For a pregnant woman, she moved prettyquick.
“Are you alright, Maggie?” she asked me, her steel-gray eyes full of concern. She smoothed a hand over her belly and studiedme.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’malright.”
“If you want totalk…”
“I don’t want to talk right now. Is thatokay?”
“Of course,” she said. “Of course it’s okay. If you change your mind, you know where to findme.”
“I do,” I said. Then I thanked her and slippedout.
* * *
Iwas standingbackstage at the Salt Lake City show two nights later. It was only the second concert Zane would play without smoking up in God-knew-how-long.
And I was nervous forhim.
