Which made two ofus.
And I knew for a fact, as of today, that Zane wouldagree.
So why were Brody and Jesse still dead set against Seth, as if they were protecting her fromhim?
“Hey.” Ash slipped his hands around my waist and pressed up against my backside. “I’m sorry. Maybe whatever’s going on between you guys and Seth is worse than I thought. I guess when I saw him backstage, I just got excited. Like if he had the balls to show up here he must really want back with the band, and maybe you guys would want to see that. I don’t know.” He kissed my neck and I pulled away without even thinking about it. I turned tohim.
“Ash… I really can’t talk about this rightnow.”
It was true, but mostly I just couldn’t talk about this withhim. It was Dirty stuff, and Ash wasn’t part ofDirty.
Thanks to me, he never would be, and that just made me feel shitty. Because if anyone had told me, backbeforeI got naked with him, that Ash was willing to leave the Pushers for Dirty, I might’ve beenthrilled.
“Can you just give me some space on this?” I asked him. I could barely look at him, much less take his kisses like I deserved them right now. Not only did I feel shitty about—quite literally—screwing him out of a chance to join Dirty, I felt even shittier about what just happened with Seth. Ash was right. If he had the balls to show up here he mustreallywant back with theband.
And why would he do that if he felt the least bit guilty about whatever happened between him and Jessa in thepast?
“Sure.” Ash said. “Of course.” He was still hovering, though. “You want me to wait for yououtside?”
“No, thanks. I don’t know how long I’ll be. I need to talk to theguys.”
And with that, Ash went silent. It was a dark, coldsilence.
Then: “Jesse already left. WithKatie.”
And there itwas.
Ash was always here to remind me, in any way possible, that Jesse was with his wife. As if he was making sure I wasn’t going to do anything stupid—like fall for Jesseagain.
“Ash… I just need some time,okay?”
He nodded, grudgingly. He took a step toward me, but it was hesitant. He kept staring at me like he was waiting for me to say something else, but Ididn’t.
Then he leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. “Call me when you land? So I know you’reokay.”
“Sure.”
I watched him leave, then exhaled. When did we get here? Ash, worrying about me? Wanting me to call him when I got wherever I was going and checkin?
I gathered my small personal items from the room, some makeup and my phone, and shoved them into my tote. Joanie would arrange for the rest—clothes and shoes, and flowers people had sent for me—to be packed up and taken to my house. At least Ash hadn’t sent flowers; they were from my publicist and the record company and my girlfriend,Summer.
I waited a few minutes to be sure Ash had cleared out before emerging from the room, all the while wondering, when did we gethere? Me, hiding out, to avoidAsh?
God. What a shitshow.
I knew I was gonna have to deal with him. He was starting to act like a possessive boyfriend, when I didn’t particularlywantaboyfriend.
And even if I did… I definitely didn’t want him to be AshleyPlayer.
Ash was great—as a friend. And as a friend with benefits—yeah. He was super fucking hot. He definitely knew what to do with his pierced tongueandhis pierceddick.
He was not, however, boyfriendmaterial.
Though I probably should’ve thought of thatbeforeI fuckedhim.
It wasn’t like I didn’t know, from the very start, that this whole “friends with benefits” deal was a badidea.
Chapter Six
