“Told you I don’t do that, Mia. So it won’t be hard at all. Spill it, girl.”
“I’m hiring an expert to…” I hunch my shoulders and pace my next words, “bang the awkward out of me.”Oh wow, Mia. Great phrasing.I hide my face in my hands, elbows braced on my knees. “Please don’t try to change my mind. It’s embarrassing and I don’t want to talk about it. Sharing this was hard enough.”
I turn to her, eyes begging. “I’m not like you, Callie. Wish I was. You’re freaking gorgeous and so damnconfident. I can’t flirt. I can’t do small talk. I was in awe of you tonight. If you ever give classes on how to turn that many heads at once, I’m enrolling. But that’s not me.”
The pity in her eyes makes me face the bottle in front of us. “My previous experiences sucked. Guys were in and out, literally.” The sound that leaves my mouth should be cataloged as the saddest laugh in the world. “They were embarrassed to be seen with me out of the bedroom. I guess I was nothing more than a warm hole.”
I straighten my posture and tell her what I’ve told myself so many times, I’m utterly convinced now. “So I’m hiring a professional, no strings attached, who will teach me how to be sexy, how to be great in bed?—
“Not great. A sex goddess,” she cuts me off with a finger in the air.
“Damn right, a sex goddess.” Oh great, the liquid courage has turned into delulu serum. “I’ll get laid so much in these three months, I’ll gain the confidence I’ve always lacked.” It makes more sense every time I tell myself this.
“I don’t get it. Is that a cultural thing for you Londoners?” I see where she’s going and crack up into a fit of giggles, trying to keep it down enough not to wake Preston up. “Or did Liam’s bad habits rub off on you?” she adds. “Why do you guys get off on hiring hookers?”
That does it. I dissolve into quiet laughter, clutching my stomach as tears well up and spill down my cheeks. I’m wheezing. Actually wheezing.
“Hey, this is completely different to what Liam used to do,” I say in-between snorts. “It’ll be a one-off thing, albeit in a long-term contract. I want it to be unattached. Clean.Professional. I’ll brief the guy exactly what my needs are. I thought this through, Callie. I have a whole syllabus of things I want to learn. How to give head. How to enjoy anal—if such a thing is even possible.” I let out a laugh that sounds a little too high, a little too forced. “How to ask for what I want. Out loud. Like a grown-up. Or at least like a semi-drunk adult with courage and a safe word.” I cringe into my drink before forcing myself to keep going. “I’ve typed down a comprehensive list. Of what I want to do. Of what I want done to me.” I groan. “It’s basically a step-by-step guide for beginners. A Sex for Dummies handout, if you must.”
Callie lifts a hand. “Stop. You’ve just described a luxury sex package. That’s not educational, Mia. And that already exists. It’s a high-end service where the guy gets to live out one of his fantasies, not just stick it in a hole. You’re just switching the roles. Hey, I can rhyme!”
She’s right. She’s drunk, but right. I realized that as soon as the words left my mouth.
I groan, pressing my face into my palms. “Urgh, Callie. Can you not make me second-guess it? Just let me have this.” My list is pages long. I’ve worked so hard on it.
“No can do, babes. As your instant-soulmate and new best friend, it’s my sacred obligation to stop you from doing stupid shit.”
“Wow, Callie. Thanks,” I deadpan. “I’m so glad I confided in you.”
“Brutal honesty is part of the package deal when you roll with me. No need to thank me. This is how I stop you from making the worst decision of your adult life. I’ll save you from hiring a man-whore to teach you how to fuck.”
I give her the deadliest stare known to mankind. “Callie, we literally met today.”
“That’s how strongly I feel about this.”
Oh, here we go.
I flop down on the sofa cushions and toss a throw pillow between us. It’s my conversational airbag. “Hey, feminist,” I tease, “ever heard of ‘my body, my choice’?”
“You’re not pregnant. You’re trying to hire a man-whore to—what was it again? ‘Bang the awkward out of you’?” She refills both our glasses, as if that will help either of our arguments.
I drink it anyway and take another shot at convincing her.
“I’m in a new country. For a limited time. When else am I going to have the chance to go from ‘oops, what do I do with this’ in bed to a confident woman who knows how to satisfy a man?” God, that sounded pitiful even to my ears. “Back home, I’m ‘the reliable one’, the planner, the friend who holds the purses while everyone else gets chosen.” I finish my drink. “Here I get to do this anonymous wild thing that is only for me.”
She watches me, sadness apparently sobering her up.
“This is not something I’ve been wondering about, Callie. I’ve put a lot of research into this. I looked up male escorts in New York. Found the perfect agency, emailed them before I flew to the States and already have the contract in hand. All that’s left to do is choose the guy and set a meeting to see if there’s enough chemistry to book a… date.”
At first, she doesn’t say anything. Just stares at me.
Come on, I don’t sound that unhinged.
Fine, a little bit. I’m just… very enthusiastic. And detailed-oriented. Or so I’ve been told.
“I want to do this in a safe, no-pressure environment—where the guy doesn’t have expectations, and I don’t feel judged, already bracing to fail.”
Callie stills, watching me closely.
