“I didn’t call, because I needed time to think,” she finally said in a hushed tone that was barely audible above the soft jazz music playing over thespeakers.
“About that night at the bar?” he asked, trying his best to keep his voice evenandlow.
Tara seemed to struggle with the words, then took a breath and let them fall out. “I know you were trying to hook me up with yourbrother.”
Beau hadn’t been physically slapped in the face, but he certainly felt wounded all the same. By the bold, but scared look in her eye, he knew there was no point denying it. He thought when Daniel asked her out that would be enough to convince her that he didn’t have a hand in the affair at all. What gave it away? “Did Daniel saysomething?”
“No, not exactly.” Her gaze fell to the spacebetweenthem.
“Did Dixie saysomething?”
She shook her head and a thin lock of hair danced beside her cheek. “No, it was nothing anyone said, it’s just… I just have an intuition about some things… And I just kind of put the pieces together,youknow?”
He couldn’t accept that. There was something deeper than just her instinct or intuition. Something in his mannerisms must have set her off, though he couldn’t think of a single instance where he would have given her that impression. He had always tried to make it about everyone else but him. Dixie needed a mother, and Daniel needed a new wife. It was that clean-cut, that simple, but it had gotten so outofhand.
He let a slow breath leak out between his lips and ran his hands through his hair. “You have to understand where I’m coming fromonthis.”
Tara lifted her chin. “That’s what I’ve been thinking about. I do understand. Dixie needs a mom, the ranch needs a bookkeeper, and your brother needs a wife…” Her eyes scrunched just the tiniest bit, in that way that made him think she was about to burst into tears. “But, I can’t be any of that. I don’t know what you were thinking, or why you thought playing thisgamewas– “
“This was never a game,” he interjected. “This was about taking care of myfamily.”
As soon as he said it, Beau wished he could have taken it back. The fear in Tara’s eyes turned into pure rage. He sympathized with hercompletely.
“Do you realize how misleading this has all been?” she hissed. “If you really cared, you should have told me from the beginning. We shouldn’t have danced and I shouldn’t have kissed you. If I had known what this was all about, I wouldn’t have even thought for a moment that this wasaboutus.”
“Would you have gone to the carnival if I came out and said everything up front?” He didn’t wait for her to answer. “No, you wouldn’t have. And I didn’t lie to you. It was about Dixie and I made that clear in this very café whenwemet.”
“I kept reminding myself that you just wanted a playmate for Dixie, nothing else. And then you had to go and…” She looked away and he could see the slight quiver in the way she pinched her lips together to try and hold back the words. It didn’t work. “There were so many little things that made me want to believedifferently.”
Damn, Beau wanted to hate himself for ever coming to see her. He should have just left well enoughalone.
“You know what?” he said, throwing up his hands in surrender. “Fine. I get it. I screwed up. Maybe I pushed too hard, or I dropped too many hints, I don’t know what I did. But just do me this one favor and don’t punish Dixie for my mistake. Don’t do thistoher.”
Tara’s mouth hung open. “I haven’t done anything except kiss you and sabotage your perfect little plan to hook me up with your brother. This has nothing to do withDixie.”
Nothing to do with Dixie? Now he was mad. “You may never want to date my brother, or work on the ranch.” Beau made a valiant effort to keep his voice down. “But whatever you do, don’t just drop Dixie like this. I know we got our wires crossed, but it doesn’t change my resolve on anything. You don’t even have to come by the ranch. I’ll drop her off at your apartment if you really don’t want to have anything to do with me or mybrother.”
“I never said I didn’t want to come to the ranch again,” she contested. “I never said I didn’t want to see you or Daniel again. All I said was that I needed to think things over… You really messed me up that night talking about how you had a crush on me andeverything.”
Messed her up? If only she knew what a disaster he had been since she left that night from the bar. If only she knew how desperate he was to learn what she really thought of him. Did Tara hate him? Love him? Did they feel the same or were they far from being on the same page? Hell, were they in different librariesentirely?
Rachel cut in just as a tiny tear slid down Tara’s cheek. “Here you go,” she said, setting down a tray that was much too big for their table. She distributed their drinks and their sandwiches, but even after Rachel left, neither of them touched theirorders.
Beau nodded. “I get it. Really, I do. I’m sorry for not being up front about this. If I had been honest with you from the beginning, this wouldn’t have gotten out of hand.” He reached for his coffee cup and absent mindedly twisted it. Right now, he had no appetite for coffee. He just wanted to hop back in his truck and forget the wholething.
Tara didn’t move for a while, neither of them even touched their food. “I’ll come up and see Dixie this weekend, if you think that’s allright.”
Beau looked up to her and saw the utter brokenness in her eyes. He never wanted to see her so sad, never wanted to see her so upset. But at least she was seeing it from his side now. He knew he had no chance with her now. He had deceived her and Daniel from the beginning and now he was paying for it. She probably didn’t even want to be with Daniel at this point. Neither brother could have her, not any time soon anyway. “I think that’llbefine.”
He thought he saw her lips try to pull into a faint smile as she nodded. “Thank you for understanding… I hope we can still be friends, even after allofthis.”
Friends. Damn it, he didn’t want to be friends. He wanted to be so much more. He wanted to open up and tell her everything, how much he enjoyed that kiss, how he had wanted to be with her for so many years. He wanted to confess everything, but for the sake of the small glimmer of a chance that Tara could fall for Daniel in the distant future, he had to keep hismouthshut.
Unable to speak for fear that his broken heart would start putting words in his mouth, he onlynodded.
“I’m really sorry for the way I behaved. Ireallyam.”
Beau’s phone trilled in his pocket and he quickly fished it out. “Dixie just texted me,” he told her. “I’ve got to go pick her up from school.” He hadn’t been so keen when he heard that Daniel gave the kid a phone, but it certainly came in handy. Saved by the eight-year-old.
