“Really? Because I think this is where we all need to be.” I crossed my arms and leaned on my bike, not bothering with any niceties. “Callie’s missing, Hawk. I’m not going to let that go.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“No?” I snorted and rubbed the ache in my head that hadn’t abated since the second I found out she’d left. “Then what are you doing here?”
“You’re turning this into a spectacle. I can’t declare a county-wide search without explaining why.”
“So tell them.” I almost pushed him. The urge to put my hands on him and shove with all my might came so close to overwhelming me that I locked my fisted hands in my armpits to keep from acting on it.
Hawk took a step back and to the side to prop his hip on his bike. “You’re not thinking rationally, Colt. If I make it a club problem, then we’re admitting vulnerability to rivals who are already testing lines.”
Diesel appeared from behind Hawk. He’d probably been there the whole time but in the shadows where he preferred to linger. He looked like I felt. Haggard. Worn. The control he normally wore like a second skin slipped an inch, just enough to show me the ragged edges. Callie did that to us. “The symbol on her building wasn’t random. Someone was watching her before she ran.”
“No shit.” I tightened my fingers until the ache turned bearable. God this feeling sucked. When I was on the road, all I thought about was getting back to Callie. Without that anchor, I had nothing. “This is your fault. Both of you. She told you she didn’t feel safe, and you brushed her off.”
“I didn’t want her to panic.” Hawk’s hands fisted too, and he shook them out after a deep breath.
“I was keeping an eye on her. No one would touch her.” Diesel spoke from the darkness.
“But someone slashed her tire, left her threatening notes, and managed to carve that symbol on her apartment. Where were you then?” I aimed the accusation at Diesel. I was giving our rivals exactly what they wanted by pushing this. And I didn’t care. If they’d done a better job with Callie, she wouldn’t have run. The ache in my chest spread through my ribs, making every breath hurt. She didn’t leave to hurt me. She left to protect herself.
That almost hurt worse because it meant she’d lost faith in us. She hadn’t trusted us to keep her safe.
I’d grilled Hawk, and Diesel too. I knew that she’d left the same day the Hellhounds questioned Dylan about her. I had no doubts she’d heard all about it.
Rita admitted the two of them had chatted, and while she’d been vague on what she told Callie, I knew Rita well enough to get a sense she wasn’t upset at Callie’s absence.
Would she have told Callie something to make her want to leave? Maybe.
“I fucked up. I take responsibility for that.” Diesel remained behind Hawk, his eyes shining in the shadows. “I want to find her too, Colt.”
Sure as fuck didn’t feel like it. I managed to keep that to myself, though they probably saw it all over my face. “I’m going for a drive. I’ll be home tonight.” I hopped onto my bike and gunned the engine. They might follow me. Didn’t care if they did. I made my way around the county, taking back roads and opening up the engine until every thought was forced out except how to navigate the next turn without crashing.
By the time I made it back to the clubhouse, dawn spread across the sky and my entire body ached.
Rita stood on the porch, a cigarette dangling from her fingertips. She raked me over with one of those same sad looks I’d almost come to expect. “Morning.”
“Yep it is.” I grabbed the railing to keep my balance.
Rita tsked and flicked ashes from the end of her cigarette. “Been waiting on you to show up. Didn’t have your number.”
“Why?” I stopped on the middle step and tried to focus on her. My vision wavered, exhaustion and annoyance making my voice clipped.
She took a drag off her cigarette and eyed me over the glowing tip. “Heard a rumor Callie was spotted going west before dawn.”
Every ounce of fatigue evaporated. “Who?”
“Can’t say. Like I said. Nothing but a rumor. Just thought you’d want to know. Would have told Hawk, but he’s not come back yet.”
Maybe I should’ve been worried about that, but I let it go. He had Diesel with him. Callie had no one. I turned away and leaped onto my bike. Hawk would want to know, but he’d also try to stop me. He’d tell me to act like it didn’t matter. Too late. Rita had already seen my reaction. I peeled out with a squeal of tires and raced to the western county line, zipping around cars on double yellow lines and ignoring the horns and shouts that followed me.
As long as I didn’t get pulled over or cause a wreck, none of it mattered. I had to reach Callie. I had to tell her I was wrong to leave her alone and let Hawk convince me it couldn’t work.
Wind tore at my face, ripping at my hair and tearing at my clothes. I took a turn too fast and almost spun out, managing to correct at the last second to keep from turning my body into a greasy spot on the highway. My heart raced faster with every mile, and even though I knew it was impossible that she’d be sitting there waiting on me, I imagined it anyway.
It became so real in my head that when I reached the county line and pulled into the empty parking lot where a grocery store used to be and not a single bike or car joined me, I lost my everloving mind. Weeds pushed through cracks in the asphalt, and a faded sign hung sideways off one hinge, the breeze sending it crashing into the glass door. Nothing. The engine ticked beneath me as it cooled, and the sound brought up memories of Callie.
Rage consumed me to the point that nothing else mattered. Callie was gone. I’d lost her.
