“It’s easier for you to hate him than to admit you were wrong too. And the crazy thing is that you’restillobsessed with him, but you won’t admit it.” She looks at me, her face cold. “Obsessed with Charlie and this fucking competition.”
I blink at her, wondering howto close this floodgate, or if it’s a good idea to try.
“The competition is for us. We’ve always wanted to go to San Diego.”
“Yes, but it’s not about San Diego any more,” she says, getting louder and louder. “Because you’re up against Charlie and Vivian, you’re taking the whole thing personally.”
“No. No, I just want us to go,” I say, shaking my head and biting my lip, “to go to a convention one last time, together, justus, to go and beVampire Fallsfans. One day we’re going to be here or . . . or hang out together for the last time, and we won’t even realise it.”
Roxy’s face softens and her voice dials down a couple of notches.
“What?”
“And this could be it,” I say, my voice cracking. “And I can’t miss any of it, I can’t miss a single second with you.”
“We’ll still do this when we’re at uni, babe,” she says, rubbing my arm.
“We can’t. . .” I say, shaking my head, a mess of tears and snot bubbles. “We can’t because . . . because I didn’t get in!”
The failure bursts out of me, but I don’t feel any less heavy now I’ve shared it with her.
Roxy’s eyebrows pinchtogether, and she steps forward.
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” she says.
“I don’t know,” I say, my chest tight.
“So, what are you going to do?”she asks. All I can do is shake my head. “It’ll be OK, babe. We can sort this out.”
“No, we can’t, because there’s not going to be aweany more!”
I turn away but she grabs my arm.
“Hey, don’t run away, Eliza.”
“Why not? That’s what Charlie did; that’s what you’re going to do.”
“Don’t be silly, babe.”
“I’m not being silly!” I snap, snatching my arm out of her grasp. “This is . . . it’s just . . . not cool, Roxy.”
She calls my name, and it sounds so loud and exposed in the quiet of the silent disco. I walk away from her, unable to stop myself looking at Charlie and Vivian who look at me with such pity in their eyes, I could scream. I stop at their table, my hands shaking as I wipe the tears from my face.
“Eliza?” Charlie says, standing up from his chair.
“W-why did you have to pick her?” I say, barely able to get the words out.
His eyebrows pinch together and he looks at Vivian, who’s fiddling with her phone in her lap, then back at me. Sadie’s wearing a pair of cat headphones now and doesn’t look up from her phone.
“I . . . I didn’t pick her, Eliza,” says Charlie, lights strobing across his confused face from the party that I couldn’t feel further away from. “She picked us.”
Charlie, Vivian and Roxy, who’s now coming over, watch me, wondering what’s next for this latest Eliza meltdown.
“That’s not what I mean,” I say, shaking my head and turning from them.
Charlie starts to come after me, but Vivian grabs his hand and whispers to him. I run past the dancing, away from the party, away from Roxy, and Charlie and Vivian, and through the doors of Conference Hall A, not sure where I’ll stop but that I’ll be alone when I get there.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
