“Where’s the bathroom?” she muttered, not making eye contact with either of her moms, trying to hide the fact that she had been crying and was barely holding herself together. She needed a minute alone and then she would be fine.
“Right next to the front door, you can’t miss it,” Nate answered, tilting his chin towards the door they had entered through, concern in his eyes. But Lily ignored it.
She nodded, moving past the group back into the house. Finding the door marked restroom, she slipped inside. Hot tears came with heavy sobs; her back pressed against the closed door, body sinking down slowly as she attempted to control her breathing with deep, heavy inhales, trying to push down a dull, achy feeling that had set in in the minutes since she had stood on the beach across from Wren.
She hadbroken up with Wren. Wren wasn’t her girlfriend anymore.
That hadn’t been her plan.
“Lily, love.” A soft tapping followed by her mama’s concerned voice filtered through the door. “Everything okay?”
No.
Lily stood, moving away from the door, turning the handle so it opened a crack, allowing Beth to slip inside.
“What’s going on?—”
“I broke up with Wren,” Lily said, cutting her off, burrowing herself deeply into her mother’s embrace and sobbing, wanting nothing more than comfort. Wanting reassurance that she had made the right decision.
That night, back at Nell’s, Lily sat curled up next to the stone firepit, watching the flames twist and contort around charred pieces of wood. Not really listening to Nell and her moms chatting beside her.
They had left Changing Tides in a hurry, Nell driving them back while Nate had stayed behind with Wren. The car ride had been quiet, Lily lying with her head in her mama’s lap, letting the repetitive motion of fingers combing through her hair soothe the numbing sensation that had spread through her entire body since telling her everything that happened down on the beach.
Back at Nell’s, she had excused herself to go take a shower, hoping the scalding water would be enough to make her feel something, but no such luck. She emerged with red, angry patches across her skin, somehow still numb. Dinner had been a struggle, too; the idea of eating anything made her grab her stomach. So instead, she picked her way through, pretending like everyone wasn’t shooting side glances at her, assessing her current state.
And now, even by the fire, it continued as she caught her mom looking over at her.
“Stop, I’m fine,” she said flatly.
“I was just checking.” Sarah flashed her a smile across the fire.
“It’s just a breakup. I’ll be okay.” She shrugged, repeating the mantra she had been telling herself.
Nell sipped from a glass of ‘the good wine,’ as she and her mom kept calling it. “The first breakup with a girl is always the hardest, but I can promise it gets a little easier each day.”
Lily looked up, her eyes meeting Nell’s. “It does?”
“It does. God, I remember my first breakup. Genevieve Reinhart. I was sixteen, and we had to sit through calculus together for the rest of the semester. It was torture. Haven’t spoken with her since graduation, and especially not after half her family ended up in prison on RICO charges.”
Her mom eyed Nell with a raised eyebrow. “On a slightly more relatable note, I was twenty-one, in college, and her name was Lindsay Shilling.”
“Oh, I forgot about Lindsay.” Her mama covered her eyes.
“I still stand by the fact that we didn’t do anything wrong. She and I were broken up before we ever kissed…” Sarah’s voice trailed off as she intertwined her fingers with Beth’s.
Lily looked at her mama, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth, this conversation weirdly making her feel better. “What about you? Who was the first girl you broke up with?”
Beth glanced sideways before answering. “I was thirty-three, and it was your mom.”
Nell sputtered into her glass, having just taken a sip. “Sorry.” She coughed, clutching her chest. “I wasn’t expecting that answer.”
They all burst out laughing, Lily joining in with them, not really sure what was so funny, but enjoying the light mood. Sheleaned back in her Adirondack chair, pulling her blanket tighter around her shoulders. Settling into the moment again as the other women kept talking.
And then, before she could think twice about it, she spoke the thought that had been on the top of her mind for weeks. “I’m retiring from gymnastics.”
INSTAGRAM POST
@ItsMeLilyG
