Edwin simply picked me up and carried me to the shower. He put the toilet lid down and sat while I rubbed soap into every crevice until my skin squeaked. Then, he wrapped me up in a huge towel and carted me through to the living room where he plonked me on the sofa and told me to stay. Feeling refreshed but happily boneless, I didn’t protest. He brought me a glass of milk and a packet of Hobnobs. “Thought you might need a pick-me-up.”
He sat at his desk and fiddled with a sketch. I drank my milk and checked in with how I was feeling. Okay, I decided. A little anxious, but not enough to spend any time worrying about it. I was mostly pleased I appeared to have broken through some invisible barrier that had been preventing me from acting out some of my deepest desires. I hoped fervently I wouldn’t be rewarded with nightmares, but I’d deal with them if it happened, and at least I wouldn’t be alone.
I cleared my mind of anything even vaguely related to Cormack. “Eddie?”
“Yes?”
“What was it Trace said that upset you so much? Like, what especially?”
“Who says there was anything? I don’t like thinking about the war.” His pencil hovered a centimetre above the paper, frozen.
“I say, you big goof. I know you. So...?”
He sighed and got to his feet. “I’ll take a shower. Then perhaps we should ask Trace over. I’m not repeating myself. D’you want to order pizza tonight?”
“He’s making a casserole. So no pizza, thank you. And you should totally go see him, when you were the one who stormed out.” I gulped at his stony expression. “I’m not saying you didn’t have your reasons, but?—”
“Yeah, you’re right. He did mention he was going to cook.” He sighed again, then glanced at the clock on the wall. “I’ll join you after dinner then?”
“At sundown,” I confirmed. I put the biscuits down. The squirrelly feeling in my guts wasn’t going to settle until this was sorted out.
50
EDWIN
His place smelledof herbs and washing-up liquid. Trace, still as his true self, was poring over what looked like an accounts book. James was flicking through his phone. Both gave me their full attention as I stepped into the living room.
I rubbed the back of my neck, hating that once again I was apologising. I really wasn’t used to explaining myself, and I was beginning to realise I wasn’t very humble, or overly sensitive either. A dose of humility wouldn’t go amiss when Trace had laid out his past sins in black and white for us, his expression as he did so making it painfully clear he’d rather have been spared the agony. And yet, we’d needed to know. James had asked outright, and I would have if he hadn’t beaten me to it. I suspected Trace needed to offload it as well. That kind of secret became a burden if held onto for too long.
For now, I attempted a smile. “Was the casserole good?”
James nodded. “Trace isn’t convinced by Quorn, but he bought some specially ’cause he knows I like the texture. He left the mushrooms out too, at great personal expense to his own tastebuds.”
“Mushrooms,” I mused. “I used to like those. Been a while, of course.” I gestured at the sofa. “All right if I sit down?”
“Edwin, it’s your home, you idiot,” Trace said with a hint of sharpness in his tone, but he flipped the book shut and came over to sit on the other end, where I could see his eyes were warm. “You don’t have to ask to come in here, ever.”
“Unless there’s a note on the door or something.” We both looked at James. He shrugged. “I’m just saying. Sometimes one of us is going to need a timeout. With three of us, it will get heated or someone will need some space. Trace never looks at his phone if he can help it, so old school works fine.”
“Oh, of course! You don’t hate technology. You’re Fae; it hates you.” Well that cleared something else up.
Trace grinned. “Pretty much. Some days it’s fine. Other days, I’m barely able to boot up my laptop. Hence why I keep my accounts in paper files.” He tucked his legs up under him in a way that seemed impossible considering their length, and inhaled, then let go a drawn-out breath. “I know we seemed okay, y’know, earlier, but I’m still not sure of where we are right now. James convinced me that you aren’t about to break up with me. Was he right?”
I gaped at him. “You thought I was going to break up with you? Trace,no.I said I needed some time, which I did. What you said, it shook me up a bit.” I raked my fingers through my hair, then met his gaze again. “I love you, you bloody idiot. James is totally right.” I sighed and flung my head against the back of the sofa. A sudden thought occurred to me. “No wonder Isher got the go-ahead to transform this place. Volik was in on it all along.” I eyed him. “Or was it Neele?”
“Neele sanctioned it. She felt embarrassed, I think. It was her sister that called for such a heavy sentence. It was a way to show me she hadn’t forgotten me.”
“That’s something, I suppose. So you’re related to Neele, not Volik?” I’d told myself I should learn more about Trace, and what better way than to ask after his family.
He winced. “I am, but seeing as I’m probably still persona non grata across the divide, perhaps we can look at my family tree some other time?” He didn’t sound cross, more weary. I could take a hint.
“Fair enough. I should probably explain why I did a runner last night.”
“Be helpful, aye,” James said pointedly.Ouch.He’d not been kidding when he’d said it had only been confidence holding him back when we first met. I could deal with snark from him any time though. It warmed my heart to witness him blossoming daily into the man he’d evidently been before Cormack had stolen so much from him.
I acknowledged him, then faced Trace, raising my voice a little so James could hear clearly. “It’s quite simple. The bloke I was with back before it all went wrong,” — Christ, what a euphemism for the utter devastation caused by a world war followed by a pandemic — “he was badly injured by an exploding shell.” I had to say this quickly. “Fragments went everywhere. He lost an eye and half the left side of his face.” I could feel a choked sob clotting my throat. “Your confession really shocked me. It could have been Bertie you dismissed so callously. I know you’ve changed and you’re not that man any more, but it gutted me to think it could have ever been him. You know?”
Trace looked utterly stricken. “Oh,Eddie.”His eyes watered and he opened his arms. We shuffled across the couch cushions to collide in the middle, and my sob broke free as he enclosed me in a hug, pulling me to his chest.
