And thank the gods, Gaelfr snapped backwards, his fist dropping, his eyes wide and disbelieving on Kalfr’s face. “What?” he breathed, his voice suddenly small, strained. “No, Kalfr. I only wished” — he shook his head — “I only wish you to fight me. To speak truth to me. To punish me in turn, for leaving you, and then bedding your mate, without you!”
But Kalfr’s breaths heaved, his eyes still squeezed shut, and his hand rose to cover his face. While Gaelfr kept staring back down at him, shaking his head, his wide eyes now speaking of… alarm. Of stark, genuine fear.
“Ach,ástin mín,” he breathed, as he gripped Kalfr’s wrist, and drew his hand away from his face. “The goddess would never wish to harm you. Notyou.”
His voice broke, his eyes rapidly blinking, and his hands dropped to Kalfr’s face, slightly trembling as they wiped at his wet cheeks. “You are a favoured son of the goddess, and you haveonly just met your own perfect son,” he croaked. “Thus, you will stay, and show yourself a good father to him. You will make the goddess proud. Youwill.”
Kalfr didn’t reply, his breaths still heaving jagged and desperate through his chest, while Gaelfr kept stroking his face. “Youwill,” he said again, deeper, a command. “I know this. For I am yourástvinur, and you aremine.”
The words caught at something, dragged up a bitter, painful memory behind Raye’s prickling eyes. That moonlit night in her front garden, Gaelfr’s hands touching Kalfr, his voice softening just the same. His expression just the same, too, all fierce stubborn certainty, and deep, devastating care. Comfort. Affection.
As if maybe, that long-ago night, Gaelfr hadn’t just been making a point, or trying to hurt Raye. As if maybe… maybe he’d seen something on Kalfr, scented something, and wanted to… help. To care for hisástvinur, as he’d sworn to do.
And right now, it was helping. Wasn’t it? Kalfr’s breaths slowing, deepening, his bright eyes holding to Gaelfr’s face with something much like desperation. Like… craving. While Gaelfr kept caressing his face, and that was a twinge of a smile, wavering on Gaelfr’s hard mouth.
“Good,” he murmured, the single word striking strangely to Raye’s groin. “Good,ástin mín.Ach, I have missed you.”
Kalfr shuddered all over, his eyes glittering, his head tipping back. And it was again as though that long-ago night was blazing to life before Raye’s blinking eyes, breath by breath. Gaelfr’s hand spreading against Kalfr’s jaw, tilting his head sideways with gentle, proprietary ease. Exposing Kalfr’s neck, his scars, so he could lean down, inhale against it, bare his teeth…
Gaelfr was about tobitehim. To do that, again, here, while Raye watched. While her breath froze, her stomach pitched in her gut, and something wailed at the back of her thoughts.Kalfr’s body arching up, Gaelfr’s teeth settling against his throat —
“Wait,” Raye gasped, her voice ringing through the room. “Stop!”
21
At the sound of Raye’s voice, Kalfr and Gaelfr both stilled, and snapped their heads toward her. Gaelfr’s eyes narrow, angry, while Kalfr’s were… wide again. Hunted.Afraid.
As if he too was remembering that long-ago night. As if he’d also had those horrible dreams, reliving what had come next. Raye sweeping her cottage door open, and pummelling him with her own fear, her own fury.I never, ever want to see either of you again, as long as I fucking live.
Raye flinched, and it took too long to find her voice. “It’s just — Svein,” she rasped. “The other night, when we —” She had to pause, reorient again. “He’ll smell the blood. He’ll wake up, and be… distressed.”
Both Kalfr and Gaelfr stared at her, with startlingly similar unblinking eyes, as if they didn’t understand, so Raye drew down another breath, and tried again. “Svein’s just… met you,” she continued, holding Kalfr’s gaze. “After wanting to, for so long. If he wakes up now, to the smell of your blood, he’s likely to be quite distraught, and you’ll need to have some conversations you perhaps didn’t want to have yet. So can you just…”
Kalfr and Gaelfr both kept staring at her, and Raye attempted a smile that felt more like a grimace. “Take it upstairs, perhaps?” she finished helplessly. “Outside? How far can orcs actually smell these things?”
Kalfr twitched beneath Gaelfr, his brow slowly furrowing, while sudden comprehension flared across Gaelfr’s eyes. “Ach,” he said gruffly. “This is truth. It is good that you thought of this, woman.”
His eyes held to Raye’s for another instant, glinting with distinct satisfaction, while beneath him, Kalfr still looked confused, or maybe disbelieving. Enough that Gaelfr’s gaze darted down toward him, and he gave a light pat to his cheek. “Later, then,” he murmured. “After we have spoken to our son of this.”
Kalfr’s eyes widened, and maybe Raye’s did, too. Gaelfr fully meant to continue this?Andto talk to Svein about it? But yes, clearly, he did, glancing between Kalfr and Raye with something like a challenge in his eyes, even as his hand stroked against Kalfr’s neck with familiar, possessive purpose.
Right. Raye had to glance away, dragging for breath, fighting down a sudden, swinging jealousy. Whatever this was, or wherever it was heading, it was all too clear that Kalfr and Gaelfr still cared about each other. Still wanted each other. And why wouldn’t they pick up where they’d left off? Why wouldn’t they leave her here watching, alone, yet again? And why did she care, Gaelfr was still leaving, and Kalfr still hated her…
But — no. It didn’t matter. She needed them. She needed their help, for Svein. And at least she’d had the presence of mind to avert another potential meltdown, with Svein flying awake to fears of his newfound fatherdyingwhile he slept.
The thought of that roiled in Raye’s gut too, swarmed with that strangely sickening memory of Kalfr saying,Do it. Finish it. It is what I deserve. What the goddess would wish.
“And also,” Raye made herself say, in a voice that didn’t sound like hers. “I need to… to apologize. To you.”
Her voice cracked, but she’d said it. And now the words hung there, heavy and menacing, ready to crush her under their weight.
Kalfr and Gaelfr hadn’t moved, both just gazing back toward her with unreadable eyes, and Raye drew in a deep, ragged breath. “I’m — sorry,” she said, in a rush. “To both of you, but especially — to you, Kalfr.”
Kalfr kept blinking at her, though he slowly eased upright to sit on the floor, with Gaelfr shoving up close beside him. Both of them still united, both against her. And she could say this, she could do this, for Svein…
“I should… never have barred you from Svein’s life,” she continued, hoarse, toward Kalfr’s watching face. “I should never have kept you two apart like that, for all that time. And I especially should never have threatened to take Svein across the sea, where you could never see him or scent him again. I took all those precious years of his life away from you, all those memories, and” — another shaky breath — “you’ll never,everget them back.”
The truth of it hitched in her voice, prickled behind her eyes, because how would she have borne it, to have missed Svein’s entire life, all that time? To have had all those irreplaceable years stolen away from her, by someone who had once sworn to love her, and honour her?
