Kalfr didn’t speak, but his head curled closer against hers, and she kept stroking his skin, seeking the goddess’ way. “And you were right, that Gael and I would get along,” she continued, with a short laugh. “But that’s because ofyou, Kalfr. Becauseyouchose us, and brought us together. And you must know” — her swallow was audible in her throat — “how much we both still want you, and need you, and care about you. How neither of us ever got over you, even after all those years apart.”
She could feel Kalfr’s exhale, his nod against her hair. And yes, he had to know that now, didn’t he? Enough that he’d chosen to trust Raye and Gaelfr tonight, and urge them on to such unspeakable pleasure together. And in this moment, it felt not like a test, or a punishment, but a gift.
Raye was sure Gaelfr felt it too, his breath shuddering out as he sank closer against her, his lips brushing against her hair.Approving. Wanting her to keep going. And what else did she need to say, what was her own fear, her own failure…
“And if,” she continued, almost too quiet to hear, “if you really want to help rebuild our trust, Kalfr, you’ll…”
She had to swallow again, shove down the whispers of darkness, hurl another silent prayer toward the goddess. She could say this. She could do this. No matter the cost…
“If you want us to trust you, Kalfr,” she began again, “you need to — stay with us. You need to fight your enemies alongside us. And you won’t eventhinkabout running off alone and sacrificing yourself for us, or for Svein, or for anyone else. Never,everagain.”
She meant Sybil, she meant the attack in six days — and this was a test of her own. A challenge. Another claim of her own power.
“Because you’reours, Kalfr,” she continued, steadier. “You’re Gaelfr’s, and you’remine. You swore the vows to us, and we need you to keep them. We need you here with us. We need you to keep choosing to trust us.”
She could feel the stillness from both Kalfr and Gaelfr against her, and she spoke another silent prayer, held the vision of the moonlight behind her eyes. “You’ll trust us to make our own choices about you,” she added. “You’ll believe us when we say we both still want you, here, alive. With us. With our family. With our band. And with the beautiful safe home you’ve made here. The magic you’ve made for yourself, and offered to all your kin.”
The truth shimmered through every word, raw and vulnerable, far more honest and exposed than anything she’d offered them yet. And Kalfr had to see it, but he still wasn’t speaking, still curled up tight against her, his chest still heaving with his breath.
“Ach,ástin mín,” came Gaelfr’s voice, rough and low. “Just as she says. We cannot bear to lose you again. We need you.”
Raye could taste the truth in those words too, could feel it trembling through Gaelfr’s body, shuddering deep inside her own skin. “Also, tonight you may have granted us a son ofmyloins,” he added, even rougher. “A son likeme. And how shall he ever bear this life, without you?”
It was more dizzying truth, striking behind Raye’s eyes, because — yes. Kalfr really had done that. They had done that. And had Gaelfr already been thinking about this, too? About how he would ever raise his son without Kalfr? How he himself had struggled and grieved, without him?
“Gael’s right,” Raye whispered, into the silence. “And also, if we’re really going to do this, I want you to be there, Kalfr. I want to raise our son with you, this time. I want you to be there for his birth, his first laugh, his first steps. All the things you missed with Svein. And” — she swallowed down the lump in her throat — “I want you to be there for everything else with Svein, too. I want you to see him grow up, and maybe even make a family of his own someday. And I know how much he wants that, too. How much he needs that from you.”
The sincerity felt almost painful in her voice, because — she really did want all those things. She wanted to raise another son with Kalfr, and — and withGaelfr. And what was becoming of her, where could she go from here? Could she risk trusting them this much?
But then — Kalfr nodded. Short, shaky, but true. Saying — saying —
“Ach, then,” he breathed. “I will stay.”
He would stay. It felt like a strike, like a light from the goddess, blaring clear and dazzling through the darkness. He would stay, he would, and when Gaelfr huffed a disbelieving laugh behind her, Raye laughed too, the jubilant joy shivering up between them. Kalfr would stay, and that was worth everything else, right? That was worth her bearing Gaelfr’s son…
And surely Gaelfr thought it too, and Raye could feel him roughly groping over her for Kalfr, yanking him bodily up toward him, into a tight embrace. And then he hauled Raye in closer too, wrapping her in hope and peace.
“Thank you,ástin mín,” Gaelfr murmured, once he’d released them again. “I know we can trust you, in this.”
Raye could feel Kalfr’s body slightly stiffening again, but perhaps he nodded, because Gaelfr let out a satisfied grunt. “Good,” he said decisively. “And you can trust us in this also,ástin mín. Ach,sæta?”
You can trust us in this, also. Words that shouldn’t have pierced through all the pleasure like that, tainting it with the old doubt and darkness. Because — Kalfr could trust them now. Now that they’d finally all been honest with each other. Right?
“Yes,” Raye said, and it almost sounded true. “Of course.”
53
The last few days before the attack were a bustle of plans and activity. Harvesting and preserving the last of the garden, running tests and drills with the band, determining what conditions would warrant escape or retreat.
Amidst it all, the reports kept arriving from Orc Mountain, confirming the worst. Sybil and her army were still marching closer, following a route straight toward thebyrgi, while dogs and riders fanned out ahead of them. And though Orc Mountain had kept sending offers of parley and peace, Sybil had refused them all, while still demanding to meet with Kalfr, too.
But despite that constant threat hanging over them, Raye still found herself embracing those last precious days together. Weaving her new tapestry, throwing herself into her daily training sessions with Gaelfr, and revelling in cozy evenings with the band, full of so much entertainment and pleasure that she could almost — almost — forget the threat looming over them.
“Don’t you think we should still be working on preparations tonight?” she asked Gaelfr one evening, as they swayed together to Othan’s drumbeat before the fire. “Since we only have four days left?”
She felt a stab of alarm at the thought, as Svein’s face materialized behind her eyes — he and his friends had happily participated in their preparations these past days, and seemed to view the drills as an exciting group game. But he’d also begun asking more questions about the attack, and just the day before, Raye had caught him trying to listen to one of their meetings, too.
But Gaelfr shrugged, and twirled Raye around before drawing her back into his arms again. “If we do not enjoy our peace whilst we can, when will we do this?” he asked, as his hand curved suggestively over her arse. “Most of all when we have done so much good work together, and yet have good cause to hope.”
