Keegan studies me for a long moment before letting out a harsh breath.
“I don’t know how this works, Keegan,” I tell him. “Cris and I…we played with knives and blood, yeah, but that was never thought out or planned. It happened after he tortured me when my true identity was revealed. We never defined it. Never set any rules. So…I don’t know how to dothis.” I motion to our current position: me on my knees for him. “But what I do know? I want it. I want to watch you dominate Marcus. I…want you to teach me to do the same. And…I want you to show me what it’s like to let go and submit to you. But I also want to take care of you, and I don’t know how.”
“Oh, Love.” He presses our foreheads together. “You are, Carter. This, being here with me, for me, it helps.”
“I want to be strong enough for you to lean on me, too,” I whisper.
“You are. I promise, Love. You are the bravest, strongest man I know, outside of Marcus. The two of you heal me in ways I can’t explain.”
I bite my lip, staring into his foggy eyes. “You promise?”
“I do. But…yes, you’re probably right. I should talk to Javi about myself, too. After we get Cole, Marcus, and you settled.”
I pull back and scowl at him. “No. It doesn’t work like that. We do this together. The four of us. We’re a family, are we not? Let me support you, even if I have no fucking idea how.”
He huffs. “Giving orders to your Dom?”
I have no fucking idea what I’m doing, but it feels right, so I say, “Yes.”
Amusement crosses Keegan’s features before he leans in again and kisses me softly. “Okay. I promise, I’ll take care of myself so I can take care of all of you.”
“Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you, too. Now, come on, up.” He stands from the bed. “We need sleep if we’re going to be there for Marcus and Cole in the morning.”
I allow him to pull me to my feet. “You’ll sleep too? Not just creepily watch me like you have been?”
He laughs a little. “I’ll try.”
I nod, calling that good enough, knowing I probably won’t sleep well either.
We lay on either side of Cole, our hands tangled together and resting on his back as he sleeps. Our son’s rhythmic breathing helps calm me, and my eyes threaten to close the longer I stare at the sleeping boy.
“I’m here, Love,” Keegan says. “I’ve got you both.”
I squeeze his hand. “I have you, too, Sir.”
Keegan lifts my hand to his mouth and presses a kiss to it, and I allow my eyes to close and stay like that. Trusting in him, and in Marcus, and the family we’re building.
We’ll be okay. We will. Because none of us are doing this alone.
Yawning, I finish inputting the last of my notes into the computer before hitting save. I’m so fucking ready for bed. Today’s been a shitshow and I can’t wait to get the therapists lined up. These fuckers need the help urgently. Hell, I’m beginning to wonder if I need more therapists.
Just as I’m shutting down the computer, my door bursts open, and I instinctively grab my knife, but keep it in my pocket. Marcus stumbles into my office, pale and shaking. I jump up and stride around my desk. I breathe a sigh of relief when Doc walks into the office, hot on Marcus’s heels.
I grab Marcus’s forearm to steady him, before guiding him to one of the guest chairs. I don’t go back around my desk, choosing instead to kneel in front of Marcus. My eyes widen at the tear tracks and raw grief on his face. For a moment, all I can think is that Cole must be dead.
“What’s going on, Marcus?” I ask urgently.
He swallows and opens his mouth before closing it. He takes a deep breath and tries again. Eventually, he manages to get out, “I…I need help. Please, Javi. I can’t do this. Cole is home. Fuck. I’m relieved, but the guilt… Losing my daughter, and then almost losing Cole... I feel like I’m drowning. Like I can’t breathe. The darkness…it’s there and it won’t leave.”
He takes gulps of air, his eyes widening as he struggles against imaginary demons, and it’s only my training that keeps me calm. I glance over at Doc, who immediately draws out a needle. Fucker must keep sedatives on him at all times now. Shit. Doesn’t that say enough about what’s going on here?
I gently grab Marcus’s hand, being careful not to move too fast. “Thank you for coming here. And for your honesty. You’re amazing, and you’re doing exactly what you should. This will be hard, but we’ll be with you the entire time. I promise.”
Marcus closes his eyes and shudders. The pain almost doubling him over, and my mind quickly tosses out idea after idea. The first thing we need to do is get him sedated and resting. That’ll give us time to put a plan in place. But fuck, I definitely need more therapists now. It’s going to be too hard for them to separate all these relationships, and I don’t need them to get burned out either. Fuck knows the energy of these subjects can wear a person down.
“Alright, the first thing we’re going to do is get you a room of your own. Doc here is going to give you something to help you sleep—something that’ll stop the nightmares for tonight. Tomorrow morning, we’ll go over the options. How does that sound?”
