It doesn’t take long for the door to open, showing an exhausted and haggard Keegan. “Present for you,” I say flatly.
He sucks in a breath when he sees my charge. “Cole…” He doesn’t hesitate to reach for the boy. “Marcus, Carter!”
At the sound of his father’s voice, Cole comes to life a little, bursting into sobs. Keegan holds him close, even as the other two men come out of the bedroom, looking just as exhausted as their lover.
“Fuck, Cole!” Marcus exclaims. Carter lets him pass by, and Keegan hands the boy over to Marcus.
Keegan looks at me with emotion burning in his fog gray eyes. “Thank you,” he says. “I…fuck, I’ll be pissed later that you didn’t tell us what you were doing, but right now, just…thank you.”
“Don’t thank me,” I say lowly, modulating my voice into the tone I’ve perfected.
Taking a step into the room, I grab Keegan’s arm tight enough to leave bruises. One of his lovers protests, but I ignore them. Keegan meets my stare, his eyes darkening and promising violence. I dare him to try.
“If you ever touch my son or Hollis again, yours will grow up without you. That goes for you and Marcus both. This feeling you have right now? What you experienced while you were without your son? Imagine him and Carter spending the rest of their lives with that feeling. I do not care what you think of Leandro, or what is happening, you never touch what is mine. Ever.”
“Did you save him in order to hold it over us?”
I shove him against the wall.
“Fuck, Tennant, don’t!” Carter says, but I don’t pay him any mind. He knows the rules.
“I am a monster, Keegan, but I don’t play with innocents, especially not children. You’re a father, and a lover, so you now know how it feels when one of your own is threatened. I suggest you remember it the next time you or yourTeasetry to touch what isn’t yours.”
I watch as his eyes grow stormy, and he gives me a short, clipped nod. I’ll take that, considering what they all just went through, but next time, there will be no warning…
Releasing Keegan’s arm, I look at Carter, who’s standing in front of Marcus and Cole. “You know better, Carter. See that they do as well.”
With that, I leave the little family to themselves, my good deed for the year now complete.
Ibury my nose in Cole’s wispy hair, unable to stop myself from breathing in his smell, even as my heart hurts from the way it’s matted with sweat. Anything to reassure myself that he’s alive. Fuck. After losing my daughter, I don’t know what I’d do if Cole was taken from me too.
Struggling not to hold Cole too tight, I let the tears finally break through, even as I force myself not to let the pain slip through audibly. I can't let Cole hear it, especially as he’s back to silent whimpers of his own. When I get my hands on that nanny, I’m going to tear her apart, piece by piece, until my need for blood is sated. But right now? Right now, I need my son in my arms.
The touch on my back brings me crashing back to reality, and the knowledge there are two other people here who also have a claim on Cole. With a shaky breath, I force myself to pull backa bit, to at least not crowd my—our—son. Fuck. The spiraling is still there. The darkness has barely receded, and it scares me.
What if the abyss never truly leaves? How can I be a father like this? Hell…maybe Antonio was right. Maybe it was my fault that Amy was taken from me. Maybe my angel was destroyed because I’m such a failure and I deserve it.
Swallowing as bile works its way up my throat, I stare down into Cole’s innocent, wide eyes. I struggle to focus, and my soul shatters when I make out him mouthing the word “sorry” over and over. I bite the inside of my cheek hard, tasting coppery blood, but I don’t let up. I need the redirection or I’ll scream at the pain chasing through my veins. It feels like I’m being thrust into a fire, burning, dying, inch by inch.
I finally break my trance to look over at my Dom, trying to draw strength from him, but I can’t. I’m drowning, and I can’t say a fucking word. I stumble over to the bed, careful not to jostle Cole as I sit down. I kiss him on the head, trying to reassure him, to let him know he’s loved, because he’s my entire world.
I shudder as I manage to whisper, “Daddy loves you. We all do. There’s nothing to be sorry for. We’re sorry we didn’t see what was going on. You don’t need to be perfect for us, because you are the gift we never knew to ask for, the dream we didn’t allow ourselves, and that makes you perfect for us, no matter what.”
I don’t know how much gets through to him, but his whimpers finally settle. It’s painful to hand him off to Carter, the loss of him in my arms… It’s an emptiness that mocks me, that reminds me of what I’ve already lost, but I know it’s unfair to keep him all to myself.
Keegan sits down next to me as Carter rocks Cole. I watch them, wishing my heart would let me enjoy the scene in front of me, but I can’t. I can’t find the joy in it when the fear and misery still beats so hard inside me, spreading poison through my veins.
I grasp Keegan’s hand and lean into him. I don’t know what Carter is murmuring to our son, but I'm certain I trust him. I trust him more than myself right now. Fuck knows if I’ll ever be able to trust myself again. Hell, maybe it would be better if Cole was only Keegan and Carter’s. I obviously can’t be trusted.
“Where are you, Tease?”
I startle, surprised to see Carter sitting next to me. Time has disappeared on me again. Shame fills my cheeks, and I know I need to tell Keegan, but fear chokes me. It tells me not to, and warns that I’ll be sent away, but if Cole is going to be safe…
“Marcus. I need an answer now.” I turn to stare at Keegan, my breath catching at the pain in his eyes.
“I…I’m sorry. I…I can’t. I uh…I think I need to see Javi.”
Keegan squeezes my hand tighter, and he leans over to whisper in my ear. It's not that he’s trying to hide anything, but the words he mutters are a balm to my heart, healing cracks I didn’t know were there.
