Grief and emotion hit her like a bus. She had worked so hard to get this sweet shop up and running, doing most of the painting herself, covering the walls with oversized pictures of sweets. This would take months to sort out and that was if and when the insurance company paid up – everyone knew they would drag their feet at every turn. In the meantime she would still have bills to pay on the shop and her own personal ones, and with no money coming in, her debts would start mounting up. And in six months’ time, the baby would be here. Babies were expensive. How was she going to do all this alone?
She didn’t realise she was crying until Xander pulled her into his arms, stroking her head and back.
She took some deep breaths to slow the panic. She hadto concentrate on not letting her emotions spiral out of control. After her brain injury several years before, whenever she got really upset she’d forget how to do the simplest things like tying her shoelaces or how to make a cup of tea, or do the buttons up on her shirt. These were the kinds of things she struggled most with immediately after her accident that gave her the brain injury. She could walk, talk, move around, she could do cartwheels if she wanted to, but anything that required fine motor skills, her brain just couldn’t do. It had taken many months and years to teach herself how to do those things again. Nowadays she could do those things without even thinking but very occasionally she’d get really upset over something and the blockage in her brain that stopped her from remembering how to tie her hair in a ponytail or how to put her watch on would suddenly come back, albeit only for a few hours or a few days. The last thing she wanted was for Xander to think she was a weak, silly woman who couldn’t even look after herself, let alone a baby. She had to calm down.
But actually, as he held her tight, she felt the panic and tears subside and it was nothing to do with her efforts, it was him, anchoring her, making her feel safe. She’d never had that before with anyone. Her sister, Alex, had been super supportive but Zac, her boyfriend at the time, had made her feel pathetic and stupid for not being able to do the simplest things. Being with him at her lowest and weakest point in her life had made her fiercely independent. She didn’t want to rely on someone else ever again. But this, Xander holding her,she’d had no idea how much she needed it. She held him tighter, breathing in his incredible scent. She concentrated on the feel of his jumper, his hard body against hers, the way he stroked her hair was the most wonderful feeling in the world and slowly the panic and fear ebbed away.
‘We will fix this, I promise. I have friends: painters, decorators, builders, carpenters. They will help. My brothers will help. The community will rally round to support you. Once we get the OK that it’s safe for us to re-enter the building, we can get this sorted for you very quickly.’
She looked up at him and he cupped her face in his hands, gently wiping the tears away before kissing her on the forehead. She liked his optimism and standing here, wrapped in his arms, it was very easy to believe in it.
‘Come on, let’s get to bed,’ he said.
She nodded and allowed herself to be led by the hand into his flat and up the stairs to the rooms he lived in above his shop. He had two floors up here, Etta was on the top floor and his bedroom, the lounge and kitchen were on this floor.
‘Do you want anything to eat or drink before we go to bed?’ Xander asked.
She shook her head.
‘Did you want to call the vets’ or wait till morning?’
‘Can I give them a quick call now?’
He nodded, pulled his phone from his pocket, swipedthe screen a few times and then handed it to her as the number was already ringing.
‘I’m going to get changed,’ he whispered and wandered off to the bedroom.
Immy had a quick chat with the vet who assured her Jacob was absolutely fine and they were running some tests as a precaution. Paige asked Immy to phone in the morning after nine as he would probably be ready to be picked up then.
Immy hung up just as Xander walked back out wearing only his pyjama bottoms. He looked divine.
‘Is Jacob OK?’
‘Yes, he’s absolutely fine, thanks to you. We both owe you our life.’
He dismissed it, awkwardly. ‘Oh, that was… nothing.’
‘It was a hell of a lot more than nothing. You burst into my flat like some kind of superhero.’
‘I’m definitely not a hero. There’s a spare toothbrush under the sink and I laid out some pyjamas for you on the bed, in case yours are dirty.’
She looked down at what she was wearing, her pyjamas, his jumper. They all looked a bit worse for wear.
She nodded and went off to the ensuite bathroom, washed her face, cleaned her teeth and changed into a pair of shorts and t-shirt that were way too big for her, but would suffice.
She came out the bathroom to find Xander waiting for her in his bed. There had been no discussion about where they would sleep, but as they had already seen each other naked and been intimate together severaltimes, sleeping in the same bed didn’t seem like a big deal. Besides, she didn’t have the energy to overanalyse it.
She slipped into the bed beside him and he immediately turned off the light and pulled her into his arms so she was lying on his bare chest. He kissed the top of her head and stroked her back and it was so easy to forget everything because this was complete heaven. Tomorrow she could go back to being firm about nothing happening between them but tonight she could easily believe she was exactly where she belonged.
CHAPTER FOUR
Immy woke around six as early morning sunlight burst through the curtains and for a second she was confused where she was before it all came flooding back. The fire, Xander saving her, their chat in the car, spending the night in Xander’s bed.
She was so tired, the adrenaline of the night before having well and truly gone, leaving a fuzziness in her head she couldn’t shake. She had her back to something hard, presumably the wall as the rest of the huge bed was empty in front of her. She felt weighted down, as if something heavy was holding her in place and she didn’t have the energy to find out what it was. She was warm and cosy here and she knew if she closed her eyes she could sleep for a hundred years. At least then she wouldn’t have to face her inappropriate feelings for Xander and what an idiot she’d been for sharing his bed.
She had to stand firm on nothing happening between them, no matter how much her heart wantedthat. And cuddling up to him in his bed was not exactly keeping those boundaries in place. She couldn’t have casual sex with him. She didn’t want that. She wanted so much more than that. She also knew if she went down that road again she’d get attached, she would start imagining a rose-tinted happy ending. And what if he got scared again and pushed her away? It had hurt last time he did that, and the time before. She didn’t want to start falling for him again and have it come to an end if or when he panicked over getting too close. Plus they were having a baby together, they had to be amicable if they were going to co-parent. They couldn’t be on friendly terms if he kept hurting her. He wasn’t even in bed with her now. And while they hadn’t made love the night before she had got used to waking up the next day and finding him gone, so this didn’t fill her with joy.
She blinked a few times to try to clear her head and then stretched to get some movement in her body but the weight was still holding her down and as the wall stirred behind her, she gave a little yelp. She tried to move before she realised it was Xander pressed against her back, his arm wrapped around her, holding her close against his chest.
