He cursed under his breath. ‘I was trying to do what’s best for you.’
She stared at him in disbelief. ‘How can that be best for me? It hurt every time you pushed me away.’
‘I didn’t want to hurt you, that was the last thing I wanted. But I knew I couldn’t get involved in a relationship, no matter how much I wanted that. I didn’t want you to start having feelings for me or to start expecting more and for me to hurt you when it inevitably came to an end or I couldn’t give you what you wanted. I thought if we just kept things casual, no emotional attachment, then no one could get hurt.’
‘I never expected more from you, you made it veryclear it was just sex,’ Immy said and cringed when she heard how snappy that sounded.
There was silence between them and it was tense and awkward and she hated that. It reminded her of the times they had argued before they got together. There was something about their relationship that always made them rub each other the wrong way. Ever since he had opened a chocolate shop opposite her sweet shop, they had been sniping at each other. She couldn’t even remember what they bickered about half the time but she’d found him beyond frustrating. So she’d been more surprised than anyone when one incredible night they’d ended up in bed together, several times in fact. And she hated that she’d fallen a little bit in love with him because of it. Maybe he’d seen it in her eyes because the next morning he’d done a runner and barely spoken to her for the next few weeks. Until it happened again, as if he just couldn’t stay away from her.
‘Would you have wanted more from me?’ Xander asked.
God, she did, of course she’d imagined what a happy ever after would look like with him and his wonderful daughter and maybe one day with children of their own. But this, him changing his mind, blowing hot and cold all the time, it was too unsettling.
‘No,’ she lied. ‘When I get married it will be to a man who sees my worth, someone who wants a lifetime with me, someone who wants me for more than just sex, someone who doesn’t change his mind faster than a politician.’
He was silent again then gestured to the car. ‘Let’s go home, you can stay with me tonight.’
‘No, that’s not necessary,’ Immy said, getting into the passenger seat. ‘I can stay at Alex’s.’
‘I thought your sister was away with Quinn,’ Xander said, as he climbed into the driver’s side.
‘She is but she won’t mind me staying there. I have a spare key.’
‘In your pyjama pockets?’
Immy cursed. ‘I’m sure I can just nip up to the flat for a few seconds to grab the key.’
‘No way, we don’t know if the building is structurally safe. Stay with me.’
She sighed because she didn’t have a lot of options. She had friends but she wasn’t comfortable knocking on any of their doors in the early hours in the morning. ‘Aren’t you scared we might end up having sex, because clearly you can’t be trusted around me?’
‘I am sorry. I’ve been a complete and utter dick and I’m genuinely really sorry. I’ve been trying to protect Etta and I’ve gone about it in completely the wrong way.’
She felt herself soften slightly because she adored that little girl. ‘Protect her from what?’
‘From getting hurt, from falling in love with someone and getting it thrown back in her face, from having that trust be betrayed.’
Her heart melted just a little more. ‘I know how hard it must have been, for both of you, to lose your wife, Etta’s mum. I get that you’re scared of having a relationshipwith someone who your daughter might get attached to, only for it to end and your daughter to lose someone she cares about all over again. But you can’t spend the rest of your life alone just in case she gets hurt.’
He stared straight ahead, his fingers clutching the wheel even though they hadn’t moved from their position on the side of the road.
‘It was more than grief we had to deal with,’ Xander said, quietly.
‘What do you mean?’ Immy knew that his wife, Brook, had died in a small plane crash eighteen months before but she didn’t know much more than that.
He was silent for a while as if he was struggling to find the words. ‘This isn’t something I talk about with anyone—’
‘Of course it isn’t.’ Immy rolled her eyes. ‘Why share your feelings when you can just keep everything bottled up? After all, I’m just some woman you had sex with a few times, why would you tell me anything?’
‘I’d like to tell you, I want to explain why I’ve pushed you away, but it’s pretty bad and it’s been a long night and, after the shock of the fire and the worry over our baby, I think you need some rest. Tomorrow, I’ll make you breakfast and we can talk. I’ll tell you everything, I promise.’
She looked at him and could see whatever he was hiding was weighing on him heavily. ‘OK. Tomorrow.’
He nodded. He turned on the engine and drove off.
The rest of the drive was in silence, both lost in theirthoughts. Whatever he told her tomorrow wouldn’t change how she felt. They couldn’t start something again, she couldn’t trust him enough for that.
They were soon back in the town of Lovegrove Bay and Xander parked his car behind his chocolate shop then they walked round the front together. And there was her little shop, sitting in darkness. At first glance, it didn’t even look like anything was amiss. The door was boarded up but you couldn’t really see that from across the road. It was only as Immy stepped closer and peered through the window that she could see how blackened the walls and ceiling were, how the sweets had melted in the heat and left little pools of bright colours dripping down the cabinets and onto the floor. It looked like a Salvador Dalí painting.
