I can guess it with ease.
“No.” I sigh. “This is for me to figure out.”
“Well, you and these boys, too.” He nods to the game, where the Bears’ defense is back on the field and the disparity between the two sides is growing.
I can’t help wondering whether I’m causing some of the problem. My neocortex tells me no, why would my personal life be causing the Bears’ offense to suck?
But there’s a much louder part screaming that I had one of the best nights of my life in Dallas. I know it wasn’t a first date but it felt like it. The way I read about in books and watch in romcoms – the hot-shot guy sweeping the small-town girl off her feet.
Iknowwe’ve pinky promised to be friends. But the way Tanner looked at me, the way he stared at my mouth, kissed every inch of my body and the sheer magic he worked between my thighs. The way he’s always near when I’m around, whether I’m interviewing his teammates for my project, or when we’re home and he finds excuses to be in the same room as me.
I don’twantto crush on another footballer who’s in the limelight I’m running from, but my amygdala is strong. It’s irrational. It’s making me ask the question,what if?What if when he said helikesme, I hadn’t brushed him off and walked away? What if the way helikesme is enough for us to get through all the other crap?
Because the wayIlikehimis getting closer to something much more every day.
Tanner has become a great friend, a mentor, a therapist, a support system and he’s the only person who could help me unpick this whole thing with Auston. But I don’t know if I want to keep talking about Auston or any other man with Tanner. I don’t want him to see me as young and indecisive. Emotional and reactive. Easily influenced.Small.
That’s why I’ve stayed here at the ranch all week. Because how can he see me as anything different when the evidence speaks for itself?
“Annie, you’re doing it again. I swear, darlin’, I’ll have Bear here chew those nails right off if you don’t stop.”
I scowl at Daddy. “Bear would sooner bite you on the ass. Wouldn’t you, buddy?”
His bark makes us smile for the first time tonight.
Daddy gives up on the game at the two-minute warning in the final quarter and heads to bed. Bear continues to sleep in my lap, where I’m staring at a family photograph on the coffee table – Mama’s favorite of the four of us – and wishing she was here. She was opinionated and she’d call things as she saw them, but she’d do it all with empathy and good intentions. She could light up any room she walked into and the Mama-shaped hole I have in my heart is aching.
That’s what I’m thinking as my phone rings ten minutes or so after the game, startling the dog, who sulks off upstairs, probably to lie on guard by Nelson’s crib.
“Tanner Pace,” I answer, my pulse rate notching up.
There’s an uncommon pause that makes me wonder if he’s pocket dialed me, then he asks, “How’re you doin’, Annie Quinn?”
It might be the most downbeat I’ve ever heard him.
“I’m going to take a wild guess that I’m doing better than you. You got hit hard a couple times tonight.”
He scoffs and there’s a ruffle that makes me think he’s rubbing his beard. “Probably the least of my concerns. That might be the worst game I’ve played in a Bears’ jersey.”
“I can’t sugar coat that one for you, hun.”
He chuckles and though it sounds thick and heavy, I prefer it. I hear someone calling out in the background and Tanner telling them, “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming, give me a minute.”
“You should go, you have a flight home to catch and I’d… I’d really like to see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah?” I hear his smile in his words and it makes my lips curve in response.
“Yeah. I can even run you one of your secret candle and salt tubs, maybe put a littleGilmore Girlson the flat screen for you.”
“The new season ofNobody Wants Thisis out,” he says, and I can’t help hearing the irony in the title.
“You can’t watch that in the tub because I want to watch it with you.”
“Deal,” he says, then again to someone in the background, “One minute.”
“You better go,” I tell him.
“I know, I just want to make sure you’re okay. I should have called you before the game. On Thursday or Friday even. I’m trying to give you space, too, you know?”
