Before I do, though, another voice steps up. “Let him be, Rogers. He doesn’t want to do it.”
Oh boy.
“Tanner, it’s okay, I’m handling it,” I tell him as he reaches out and takes Nelson from Auston’s hands. There’s no tussle; Auston seems relieved, initially, to not have a screaming kid in his hold with everyone staring at him.
“I’ve got you, Nellie Bellie,” Tanner says, bouncing Nelson in his arms the way he always does – playfully, effortlessly – and Nelson’s tantrum turns into giggles.
I see the shift in Auston as he watches another man father his child and do a damn good job of it, too. He’s volatile, like most ball players can be, but he grinds his back teeth and holds it together.
Nelson slaps his hands down on Tanner’s face as he laughs, then he says, “Da-da.”
And my stomach falls to the core of the earth.
It’s like watching a kineograph being flipped as Auston’s expression moves between shock, hurt and anger. “Da-da?” He glares at me. “My kid is calling this guy Da-da, Annie?”
As if she’s been watching this whole scene play out, Betty swoops in and leaves with Nelson, as Auston squares up to Tanner.
“You moving in on my family, Pace?”
“Come on, Rogers, turning up late to one party doesn’t give you a right to call yourself a father.”
I watch Auston’s nostrils flare, then he shoves Tanner in the chest. Tanner’s bigger and stronger; he rocks back two steps but holds his ground.
“After all the shit you’ve put those two through, you don’t even deserve a fucking invitation.”
“You need to shut your mouth before I do it for you, Pace. This is none of your business.”
“The hell it isn’t. I care about them.I’vebeen here.”
“Yeah, well nowI’mhere and you can back the hell off.”
“Stop it!” I yell, getting between them. “Both of you. Cool it. This is Nelson’s birthday party!”
“Hey, hey, what the hell’s going on?” Colton comes rushing from the corral, immediately going to Tanner’s side, both fronting up to Auston.
“Y’all need to stop it. Just stop it!” As mortifying as it is, my voice breaks and like a dam has broken, tears fall from my eyes. “I. Want. It. All. To. Stop. Please.”
Two arms come around me, tugging me into their owner’s chest, and the scent of her perfume tells me Sas has got me.
“Go!” she says. “All of you. Give her some space.”
“I’m sorry,” I hear Tanner say, but I stay tucked into the hug I so desperately need.
“I can’t take it anymore, Sas. I don’t want to be broken anymore. I don’t want them to fight and I don’t want to feel guilt and conflict every single day.”
“I know, Annie. I know. Shhhh. I’ve got you.”
In the distance, I hear the start of an engine I’ve heard enough times in recent months to recognize its distinction.Tanner.
In an unlikely twist, Auston sticks around while the party breaks up, hanging by the pool, away from everyone else. I’m calmer now, clearer on what I want to say to Auston, though still angry about the day and when I let myself, I’ll be sad that Tanner is the one who left. That I pushed him to be a version of himself that I haven’t seen. One I didn’t much care for.
I carry Nelson to the pool to say goodbye to Auston, then we walk back to the house, where I deposit him with Sas.
Auston has been here for maybe an hour and in that time, has wreaked havoc at our home. Though not helped by Tanner.
We stop by his rental car. “That didn’t go to plan, did it?” he asks.
I sigh. “Auston, you can’t keep doing this. You can’t be in, then out, on the fence. It’s too confusing, for me, and Nelson, and everyone I care about.”
