Kodi gives me a lopsided grin. “Just means you’ll have clothes at my place for whenever we’re out that way next. We leave the basics behind at every house; that’s what legions do. We’ll need to stock the other houses with some things for you when we get a chance.”
Heat creeps up my neck. “I’m not used to spending money on something that’ll only sit around collecting dust.”
Kodiak’s dark blue eyes slowly rake over my disheveled state. “You’re welcome to go naked if you'd prefer.”
That heat becomes an inferno. “We’re getting sidetracked.”
A devilish smirk tugs at the corner of his lips. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“Anyway,” Raiden dramatically interjects, glaring at Kodi. “You can borrow our clothes until one of us has a chance to run into town. Why don’t you shower and change while we’ll get the bed prepared?”
“Prepared for...?” I trail off, nerves assaulting my stomach, but there's an undercurrent of anticipation as well.
“Sleeping, of course.” He glances around the dusty room with a frown, no doubt making a mental checklist of everything that needs done. “None of us would cross that line without you making it absolutely clear that's what you wanted. Especially after today’s events when you’re feeling particularly vulnerable.” His jaw tics, clenching tight. “We’d never betray your trust by taking advantage of you like that.”
That’s the crux of it, isn’t it? I want you to show me yourtrueintentions so I quit second-guessing everything. Yet you’re constantly tiptoeing around me, always holding back and fueling my doubts.
Logically, I know it’s my fault. Between the panic attacks and being a flight risk, it’s no wonder that Raiden treats me like I’m made of glass. It’s a catch-22, and I’m not sure how to evenbeginwading through the mess we’ve suddenly found ourselves in.
“Thanks,” I reply instead, knowing better than to bring all of that up right now. He’s right; my emotions are currently a minefield, and this isn’t the time to delve into sensitive subjects.
With a grateful nod, I disappear into the bathroom, the door snicking shut behind me with an echoing sense of finality. Closing my eyes, I take a few deep breaths, but they do little to calm the storm raging inside of my veins.
Crossing to the shower, I flip it on maximum lava and strip down, my disgusting clothes falling in a sweaty heap on the dark tile. The glass door swings open with a little resistance, closing behind me with a metallic click as the magnet pulls it firmly back into place. The same aesthetic carries through up the walls here; black tile flecked with red like stray embers above a campfire, silver threads veining throughout. It’s such a little thing, but after an emotionally exhausting day, it nearly tips me over the edge.
They pre-built a room for the mate they’d likely never have, leaving a sliver of themselves in every part of the room so it would always feel like they were here with her, even if they couldn’t be. It’s subtle, but it just goes to show their obsessive attention to detail, how they’re always watching.
Always fucking watching. They never miss a damn thing.
But it’s because they care instead of coming from a darker place, and it gives me mixed emotions. The two motives run parallel, set apart only by the finer nuances, and I have to squeeze my eyes shut as water rains down over me. I can’t go anywhere without someone stalking my every movement, but there’s a noticeable distinction between the way Malcolm treated me, and the way my mates do.
Raiden, Kodiak, and Stone have more reason to hide me away from the world than anyone when my death would mean theirs, yet they’re going out of their way to give me experiences I’ve missed out on, even with the risk doing so brings. They haven’t forced anything to go further than I’m comfortable with, instantly shifting their behavior based on my reactions.
I love it as much as I hate it.
They want to make me happy because they’re convinced it’s their Fates’ given mission and are willing to change themselves accordingly to accomplish it. I don’t want that. I should be apartof their lives, not the whole thing. That’s too much pressure to put on any one person, and while I want them to care, I don’t want it to be at the expense of themselves.
Raiden’s barely hanging on by a thread trying to keep everything running in Khalida from his phone so he could be nearby if I needed him, and Kodi passed off his other jobs to follow me around. Stone quit work when he met me, and who knows how many people have died because of it?
Thankfully, I’m too exhausted to cry anymore. It’s been a long fucking night, and I’m just... burned out. Tired of running, tired of constantly having to look over my shoulder, and tired of everything being so godsdamned hard all of the time.
Familiar scents tease my nostrils, mingling with the steam, and when I realize that it’s Raiden’s shampoo, Stone’s conditioner, and Kodiak’s body wash, I nearly walk right back out of the shower. The three of them are subtly taking over my life so completely, if I were to leave, I’d have worse than nothing. I’d have an aching pit in my chest and constant, glaring reminders of everything I’d given up.
It’s one thing surviving with the bare minimum when you grew up having nothing, but an entirely new kind of torture to know what you lost and be forced to live without it.
When I've finally pulled myself together, I turn off the shower and hunt down the nearest towel. It’s waiting beside a pile of perfectly folded clothes on the sink counter, and I bite my lip as I look at them. It’s not like I’ve never worn their clothes before, but it's different tonight. Covered in their scents, wearing their clothes, sleeping in the room that they created with their hypothetical mate in mind... I'm accepting that I’m sticking around. That I'm theirs.
And I can’t help but worry that I fall flat compared to everything they were hoping for.
Dressed in an oversized red t-shirt and a pair of black basketball shorts, I return to the bedroom in time to see Stone finishing straightening a dark purple comforter on the bed. “Need to take off the closet and pantry doors, maybe install a mini-fridge,” he mumbles to himself.
“Stone?” He glances up, but doesn’t meet my eye, and my stomach twists in knots. "I should have said it earlier, but... I’m sorry. I honestly didn't mean to zap you, and I shouldn’t have taken off without a word.”
“Gods, Amara, don’t apologize! I shouldn’t have hesitated, should have gotten you out there immediately.” He scowls. “And should have trusted Raiden to handle things. My job wasyou.Get you out of there at the first sign of danger, but then your spike of terror hit my system and all I could think of was eviscerating the bastard so you’d never have to be afraid again.” Sighing, he sits on the edge of the mattress, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I messed up.I’msorry.”
“We could go around in circles over this all day, so... truce? Agree to disagree, drop the blame game, and move on without beating ourselves up over it for once?”
Exhaling heavily, he gives me a wry smile. “Deal.” Rising to his feet, he adds, “Why don’t you try to get some sleep? Kodi went to find you something to eat, so I’ll tell him to leave it by the door for whenever you’re hungry so we don’t disturb you.”
