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Resting my head onmy front paws with my tail tucked between my legs, I wait for Scarlett to emerge from the bathroom. I’ve been in wolf form ever since she stormed off, Kasen and the mage tearing me a new one and deciding that it was the only way to make sure I didn’t blurt out anything else to upset her. I didn’t even think beyond answering her questions, ensuring I didn’t repeat their mistake of withholding information.
And look where my big mouth got me; the doghouse.
It makes sensenow.Kase had only given me the bullet points before today; she was changed by a bloodsucker, some mole-person commanding his evil army to feed on people and return so he could feed off of them so he didn’t need to put himself at risk, and once he was killed, she wasn’t a feral monster anymore. I didn’t think any deeper than that, didn’t consider that she’d look at a pack link like we were trying to be her new puppet masters.
I didn’tthink,and it might have cost Kasen and I our one shot at real happiness. Before I’d met her, sure, I could have moved on, content to float through life chasing my next thrill. But now that I’d come face to face with my fated, even if she flat out rejected me, I wouldn’t be able to move on. She’s... perfect. Mine. Everything else in my life fails in comparison.
The sound of water sloshing as she moves within the bathtub has my ears perking up, but I keep my head slumped in submission. She simply adjusts her position and settles back in for the long haul, content to hide away in the water and avoid us like she’s been doing for the last six hours.
She seemed so alive when staring me down like it was nothing, perfectly confident that she could kick my ass if it came down to it. I loved to see that look in her eye; the absolute faith that I wasn’t a threat to her. But the utter horror that transformed her face before anger took over? It gutted me.
Kasen was right; she needs people to protect her, but not because the world would rather see her dead. She needs us to save her from herself.
“Get away from the door, you stalker,” my friend sighs from where he’s stretched out on the couch. “Not like she can’t tell you’re there.”
Ignoring him, I don’t move. That man doesn’t have an alpha bone in his body. Full-blooded beta, through and through; always wanting to fix shit and help, scared to make the hard calls, but thrives when someone gives him direction. And while I can accept that I need to shut the hell up until I have a better grasp on my mate, I can at least be here for her in moral support so that she isn’t alone. It makes no difference if I’m by the bathroom door or the couch; she knows I’m in the penthouse. Kasen fucked up and ditched her, and look how well that went over. I can at least stick as close as possible so that she knows I’m sorry.
She doesn’t understand that we can’t manipulate her actions. She could hear us in her head, but she’d be in complete control; she has to know that on at least some level. Even human, she wasn’t so sheltered that she thinks shifters are out here creating slave armies... well, minus that Alpha that went on a power trip a year or so back and mobilized the wolves in a failed attempt to start a war with the humans.
Maybe she’s scared that her thoughts won’t be private anymore?Huffing a breath out of my nose, I adjust my legs, the floor cold and unforgiving.
Anything going on is a fear response. If we can sit her down and present her with the facts, identify what part exactly has her so freaked out, we could fix it. If she’s worried that hearing someone in her head will trigger flashbacks, we can come up with a plan to ease her into it. We can teach her about mental blocks, give her the tools to realize she’d still be in control of her mind and actions.
If she wants us to make a blood pact that we’ll never speak a word so she can forget that connection even exists, so be it. It’ll hurt to have that distance between me and my mate, but I’ll happily agree if that’s what it takes to never see that terrified look on her face again.
She’s the only one with the potential to really see me, and I need her to see something other than a monster as much as I need my next breath.
I’ve never doubted myself before now, perfectly content in the certainty that my worth isn’t decided by those around me. They can mock or sing my praises; it makes no difference as far as I’m concerned. Even if it’s only because I piss them off, they acknowledge that I exist, and that’s always been good enough for me, knowing I haven’t been completely lost in the sea of nameless faces. But Scarlett? I need more than her attention, I need her to love me.
I only know how to get someone to notice me, I don’t have the first clue how to keep them from inevitably looking away.
The door clicks open and my head jerks up, not even hearing her get out of the bath, I was so lost in the beginning of my descent into madness. Towel wrapped around her, Scarlett peeks her head through the opening, red-ringed, amber eyes finding me instantly. “I need to get out of my head. Want to listen to me ramble aimlessly without trying to fix anything? I don’t want solutions, I just need to vent.”
Getting to my feet, I pad over as she shouts for Malcolm to work his magic and create a shield so that she can have some privacy without worrying about anyone listening in. The couch squeaks as Kasen sits up, but as the door snicks shut behind me, all sound ceases to exist. A shimmering barrier surrounds the room and I take a moment to appreciate how strong the mage must be to pull off something of this magnitude without even being in the room.
“Turn around,” she commands, and I do so without question. Water sloshes in the tub as she climbs back in, but I keep my eyes shut and back to her, simply happy that of everyone, she picked the relative stranger to join her when she was upset.
Because she doesn’t know you well enough to have to worry about your feelings.Shaking the thought away as quickly as it forms, I draw in a deep breath, her scent like a drugged wine beckoning me closer with temptation that I need to actively fight against.
“Thank you,” she eventually states. “For telling me the truth.”
Still, I remain steadfast, unmoving. With a sigh, she sinks lower in the water. “Why does this have to be so complicated?” Another few seconds pass. “Humans may be garbage, but at least they just... date. Divorce. Get new jobs. They move on when things aren’t working.” Grabbing the soap, she starts scrubbing at her arm. “No, they move on when things get hard; give up rather than fix things.”
She was overwhelmed and asked Malcolm to order dinner. She freaked out and locked herself in the bathroom before bringing me in here. It isn’t that she wants to be alone, it’s simply the only way she knows how to process difficult situations. Overwhelmed, shut down and retreat, think in a safe place, come back with a clear head and plan to move forward. She’s used to handling everything alone, not even leaning on the mate that she’s already claimed.
“You guys make everything so, so-” growling, she flings the bar of soap into the water “- permanent! It’s all or nothing. How the hell do you manage to make decisions so confidently when so much is riding on them? Do you throw caution to the wind and say ‘eh, oh well, I guess this is what I’m stuck with. Might as well suck it up and deal with it’?” Her voice drops, sounding helpless and lost, and it takes everything in me not to move a muscle. “How do you make it look as easy as breathing when it’s so hard for me?”
Water sloshing against the rim and threatening to spill over, she flops backward. “You can come closer, you know. I only meant not to look when I was getting in.” With her permission, I sidle up to the side of the clawfoot tub, butting my head against the hand thrown over the side. With a heartbreaking smile, she starts scratching behind my ear. “It’s easy to forget you’re a person like this.” Cringing, she clarifies, “I know that you are! I just, well... fuck,” she finishes lamely. “You know what I meant.”
As I rest my chin on the lip of the tub, she continues to pet me while gazing out the wall of windows, the stars bright in the night sky. “I was walking home from work when it happened, you know,” she whispers, voice gaining a numb edge. “And then I just... wasn’t, anymore. I never stepped foot in my apartment again. There wasn’t any warning before my life simply ceased to exist. I got up, went to work, and then my brother was mourning my loss. He’ll have needed to deal with packing up my stuff and gods know how many other things while people kept on with their lives, chalking me up to a tragedy they’d forget about by the end of the evening news.”
Her fingers stroke a steady path on my head, scratching my head absentmindedly as she stares out the window. “And I spread that same misery to hundreds of people. Sure, it’s foggy, but I remember some of them pretty clearly, now. I didn’t even change anyone; drained them all dry.” Her voice is little more than a whisper. “How many people are still holding out hope that their husbands or sisters will walk through the front door at any moment, that it all will have been nothing more than a bad dream?”
Her fingers move slower and I butt my nose against her arm for more scratches, keeping her grounded in the moment instead of letting her get lost in the past. She claims to not want me to fix anything, but she's clearly on the verge of drowning.
She doesn't wantmeto fix it, she wants someone to hold her head above water while she does it herself. She has three mates that would happily do anything for her, and she refuses to accept our help like-
