“And Dorian?” I glance up, eyeing the pattern he’s carving.
Atlas doesn’t even hesitate. “We might have tried to protect him from the worst of things, but he isn’t stupid. He knew, and by the way he handled that axe, he practicedsomethingbehind our backs.” A small, sad smile appears on his face. “I couldn’t have gotten us out without him; even if his aim was a little rusty.”
He swipes his hand over the surface, brushing away the shavings before continuing. “So trust them to love you enough to come back without you pulling the strings to orchestrate it, yeah?”
My back stiffens. “What the hell do you mean by that?”
He raises an eyebrow in challenge, but doesn’t deign to look at me. Whatever he went through in that place changed him as much as it did me, and I doubt any of us can go back to the way we were before. Things were hard then, but they seem so impossible now.
“That’s what it all comes down to, doesn’t it? You control everything happening around you, making a mental checklist to ensure we’re all getting everything that we need to stay content and happy so we’ll have no reason to leave, so we’ll be forced to rely on you. To stay.” His blade digs in deeper, shaking the table. “Because you’re terrified of being alone. For all your claims of despising chaos and noise, you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself without it. You’re so convinced that no one would stick around without a reason, so you just keep creating more.”
I grind my teeth, the sound of my blood roaring in my ears, trying to block out the verbal jabs. Because if he’s right...then all of it’s meaningless. Everything that I’ve spent so long cultivating; my business, Dorian, Atlas, my relationship with Cambria. The looks she’s given me, everything she’s said...
Worthless if it wasn’t real.
Sucking down air, it just doesn’t seem to ever completely fill my lungs. “I had nothing else to give.” The words sound as broken as I feel.
He scoffs and I slam my hand on the table, rage growing. He sits here so indifferent, judging like he has everything togeth-
Motherfucker.
“What did you do?” I hiss and he gives me a strange look. I lean forward, nails digging into the table.
“Hell are you talking about?” he demands, not bothering to get up as I stand.
I gesture to him, nostrils flared. “Is this all some sort of game to you? Trying to get a rise out of me by mocking me? Indifferent, cold; I get it, alright? How much you clearly fucking hate me and have just been waiting for the right time to clue me in.”
Shoving away from the table so that I don’t have to look at him, I return to my pacing, anything to burn up the volatile energy thrumming through my veins. “I tried, okay? For the three of you, I fucking tried. You make it seem so damn easy to connect to people, to read between the lines when they’re acting off. It doesn’tworklike that for me!” I’m shouting at this point, but now that the floodgates are opened, they’re impossible to shut. “I can’t just sit there and be happy without analyzing thewhybehind it, what caused it so I can replicate it.”
“Luce,” he states, but I just flip him off without looking.
“So yeah, I can see how that makes it look like I was trying to manipulate you, but that wasn’t it at all. I have to knowhowto act so I don’t let anyone down, so they aren’t miserable because of me, an-“
“Lucien!”
Whirling to face him, I feel the heat in my cheeks, know my neck must be tinted red. I just glare at this man that I’ve grossly misread all of these years, wondering when exactly it all started to go wrong.
The hatred bleeds from his eyes and he just stares at me with pity. Fuckingpity.“I think we figured out what ability you manifested.”
My heart stutters, taking some of the wind from my sails. “What do you mean?”
He smirks, and I want nothing more than to drive my fist into his smug cheek. “Cambria can manipulate emotions. But it looks like you don’t need sheet music to pull it off and you’re manipulating yourself for a change. Fuck, this is beautiful. The unflappable Lucien Avrell grew himself a heart, and it runs on fairy dust and glitter.” He dramatically wiggles his fingers and starts laughing as said heart plummets into my stomach.
And I cold cock him in the face.
