The girl sighs, gazing up at the ceiling. “I couldn’t do that to my family. They rely on the money I manage to bring in, and that isn’t much to begin with. There’s nothing to save, no safety net for them to draw on while I’m gone or for what I’d need to afford a journey. And how could I leave them behind while I just go gallivanting around without rhyme or reason?” She shuts her eyes, sighing and facing us before she reopens them, that light inside of her dimming a bit. “It’d be selfish. Stories are enough though; I get to go on a new adventure every day while I work. It’d just be nice to add something new to the pot.” She taps her head, outstretching her hand once more to insist I take the map. “So keep me in mind if you two ever pass through again.”
Before I can second guess myself, I grab the book she has on her desk, opening to the bookmarked page and slipping the twenty inside before setting it back down. “To get you started. Might take a few years, but even a dollar here and there adds up if you don’t let your guilt force you to tap into it.”
Cambria smiles, taking the map from the girl. “Invest in yourself; you’re worth it. Families are great and all-“ shealmostmanages to make that sound convincing- “but if they don’t support you the way you do them, it might be time to take a hard look at your situation.”
I tip my head gratefully, heading to take a piss before we head out. By the time I return, Cambria and the girl are deep in conversation. I take a minute to just enjoy seeing the way she lights up, knowing how starved for affection she is after a lifetime of neglect, desiring a real friend for her entire existence and only finding them amongst the humans she had to lie to in order to preserve her secrets. Honestly, I’m half tempted to invite the girl to come with us for Cambria’s sake, but all of the threats breathing down our necks and secrets make it impossible.
The reality no one seems to mention. It isn’t fighting the evil villain, or the exhausting adventure that wears a person down the most. It’s the compounded sacrifices of all the little things we took for granted, the fractured pieces of ourselves that we’re forced to leave behind to become the people we need to be. We might succeed; slay the dragon, save the kingdom, the villagers cheer... But when someone’s forced to become a hero, people only care that the threat is defeated, and then you become irrelevant.
The only one left to deal with the fallout of who you were forced to become is you, who can’t even recognize yourself in a mirror anymore. And no one cares.
“We should get going, love.”
Cambria’s shoulders sag as she nods, waving goodbye to the girl and thanking her again for the map. I wrap my arm around her waist, heading out of the small bookstore and out onto the street. She opens the map and I steer her to the side to ensure she doesn’t bump into anyone, but my eyes keep flitting back to the map, stunned at how busy it is.
All of this time, I imagined the light court and shadow court as two halves splitting the realm. But it’s just...so much more. Our problems seem so world changing, but if this map is accurate, we’re a tiny blip in the grand scheme of things. Kingdom after kingdom, oceans and continents. The two courts may as well be a backwater town with two neighbors feuding over watermelons.
“Altheon, right?” she asks and I nod as her finger races over the map before finally settling on our tiny dot. “So we need to head...” She looks up, twisting the map to ensure she’s looking at it in comparison to the world around us. “This way, I think.”
Checking behind her, her guess is as good as mine. Without a compass, we have to go by topography. But the river we coasted on is clearly marked, so if we base that against the city, we should just need to turn left and keep walking for a very, very long time. We don’t have a name for Achlys’ kingdom, but as long as we head in the direction of the shadow court, we can sort it out when we get there.
After we leave the city, Cambria drops the glamour. Her hair is still dyed like the setting sun, but at least all of the injuries and blood are gone. And as I see the mark reappear on my hand, I feel better. It’s such an integral part of me now that not being able to see it makes me squirm, convincing myself that all of this has been some sort of fevered delusion and I’ve gone crazy.
“So; Wasteland. That sounds fun,” she flippantly states and I snort.
“If it’s full of depression and death, it’s a sure sign we’re meant to be there. Our lives are apparently just a video game at this point. Complete your side quests, level up, upgrade gear and abilities, then fight through story mode until you get to the boss level. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find out Luce and Atlas teamed up with a mage and are waiting for us strapped down with potions so we can at least redo if we fail the first time.”
Azazel stays curled up around my neck like a scarf, hunkering down like he’s in a food coma. If he’s been starved, living off of whatever scraps Elorie threw his way after abducting Cambria twenty-four years ago, then this recent influx of energy and expelling it just as quickly likely wiped him out.
Stroking his head, I side eye Cambria. “Does it make you feel better or worse to know that you haven’t actually been stealing abilities?”
She fiddles with the clasp on her onyx cloak, so at odds with her vibrant coloring. “Better, maybe? I feel less like a greedy bitch after somebody’s power and more like a succubus. Sex demon sounds way cooler than gold digger.”
We crest another hill and at the top, we pause to catch our breath. “I have a theory,” I pant, winded and pulling a canteen from my bag that I force myself to ration. She gestures for me to have at it, since we really have nothing else to do for the next few days besides toss around ideas to pass the time.
“So if fae are immortal short of maiming, you guys don’t starve to death. You can feed off of adoration, which apparently is some sort of subset of the raw energy you channel from Faerie. There has to be layer upon layer of intricacies that stem from that. Healing, offensive powers, etcetera. So if you remove people’s abilities along with their life force, the two are tied together.”
“Okay?” She sits down beside me, stretching out her legs.
My mouth suddenly feels dry and I debate the damage I might unwittingly do with my point, wondering if I should drop it now that I’m thinking about it in depth beyond musing aloud. Ultimately though, the more knowledge we have to work with, the better, and I’m not about to shield her from something that might eventually help her just because it might be hard to hear.
“Graham had to sacrifice his and Lucien’s abilities so that they could live on Earth without dying.” I leave the statement open ended, seeing if she’s going to make the same leap that I did.
Her hands cover her mouth as she bends forward, smoothing them over her face and pushing her hair back as she sits up. “My parents. They’d be the only people that could have stripped their abilities while still leaving them alive, severing whatever connection there is between the fae and Faerie so they wouldn’t have to come back.” She flops back in the grass, staring up at the clear sky. “Lucien spent more time with my parents than I probably did. I don’t even know how old I was before Elorie grabbed me. Hours? Days?”
While she puts that in a place she can cope with, sorting through her thoughts and filing them away so they don’t cripple her, I scan the area. There isn’t anyone around for miles; the city a mere speck in the distance and the two of us far from the beaten path that marks the main road to the next town. Still, I keep my guard up so hers can be down, a give and take as we both do our best to survive blow after blow that threatens to destroy the foundations we’ve built ourselves upon.
Azazel stirs enough to glance at Cambria, like he can feel the change in her, taste the subdued air clinging to her like a tangible shift in her energy. If so, it would make sense why she can manipulate emotions, if they’re as tied to that driving force as everything else seems to be. Ultimately, he passes back out though, coiled around my neck to stay warm.
We end up walking straight through the night, no supplies to make camp and enough thoughts weighing on our minds to keep us from sleeping anyway. My legs are on fire as we hike the steep incline, the emerald grass thinning out until it fades to yellow before disappearing completely. Our footsteps sink into the earth, the grey stones spongy. By the time we reach the peak, what we thought was snow reveals itself to be ash. Endless ash, in greys and whites, seeming as endless as a desert.
“I never realized how vast the world truly was.” Cambria’s voice is subdued, none of the thrill she had when we climbed to the top of the waterfall to be seen this time. “I’ve stood on top of mountains, daydreaming about what lay beyond the horizon. But now that I’m actually here, in what may as well be the space between worlds, it feels like the first true bit of Faerie I’ve actually seen. Ash and decay, as far as the eye can see, and not the slightest hint of glamour to conceal it.”
She bends down and scoops a handful of dirt, letting it rain down between her fingers in a steady, grey stream. “Maybe that’s all She is; a sphere of ash, and we’re all just too busy making pretty sandcastles and pretending otherwise.”
