Lucien rubs his temple. “And without Cambria at the prison to keep the changelings in check, part of the energy Elorie stripped from her had to be funneled back into keeping them subdued. Which would mean...” His eyes widen the same time that my stomach sinks with the realization.
“That now that she isn’t siphoning power from me, there’s nothing keeping the changelings imprisoned.”
***
The pillow is softerthan anything I’ve felt before, and a tiny voice just wants me to sink into it and suffocate. After dinner, Achlys had people show us to a house we could claim as our own, welcoming us to stay forever.
“This place feels like a cult,” Atlas repeats for the hundredth time, stretched out beside me on his back. “Have a drink, stay forever. We’ll even give you a house if you promise not to leave.”
Dorian’s sitting on my other side, more withdrawn than usual, and I hate the distance between all of us. Each of Achlys’ revelations was an additional tiny wedge driven between us, stacking on more and more until it left a chasm.
“You were the one pushing us to come here.” Dorian scrubs a hand over his jaw, sighing in defeat. “If it’s as bad as she claims, it’s a smart move, trying to stay in Cambria’s favor. If she’s the only one that can control the changelings, then this city is the safest place in Faerie. Like having your own personal Van Helsing at your beck and call,” he points out logically.
I groan, voice muffled by the pillow. “Everyone is vastly overestimating me here. I don’t have a damn clue how to keep the things in check. If they escape and start wearing their victim’s skin, how can I tell them apart? I don’t even know these people! And then what? If they can’t be killed, not like I have wings to just chuck them back in the prison I don’t even know how to operate.”
Everything feels so insurmountable that I’m not even sure where to begin. So instead, I take a few shallow breaths, because that’s all I can manage in this position.
Take a page out of Achlys’ book. Small, bite sized problems. One thing at a time. It’s better than being paralyzed by fear and doubt. At least this way, we can attempt to make a bit of progress.
I get to my knees, stepping over Dorian and onto the floor. Lucien is leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and staring off into space. Another deep breath, and I push down my own internal spiraling in favor of attempting to save him from his. Because if I can’t even help the people I love, how am I supposed to save everyone else?
He may be more of a mouthful than a bite sized piece, but a good place to start making sense of the tangled web we’re caught in. We’ll never find our way free going on the way we’ve been; just need to snip one thread at a time.
I don’t bother asking how he’s holding up, or any of the typical, flat queries people make in the wake of tragedy. Because even if no one actually died today, it feels similar. Lucien mourns everything he’s lost, the family he never truly knew, and I grieve for the life that should have been mine.
It sucks, and life is many things, but fair isn’t one of them.
“At least I’m not the only one with a human fetish.” He blinks a few times before quirking an eyebrow at me. “I mean, you adopted Dorian and Atlas long before I showed up and I just swooped in to steal them from you. Pretty dick move on my part, really, but can you blame me?” I gesture at the two of them on the bed and whisper behind the back of my hand, “They’re pretty dreamy.”
Lucien sighs, pulling out of his musing to swipe a tired hand down his face. “This is a mess.”
I shrug. “You’re pretty good at handling chaos.”
He gives me a withering look, but I don’t budge. He’s been the guys’ rock for years, and has quickly become mine as well. I understand better now, that after the way he was forced to grow up, he strives for control and organization, for everything to be calm and easy. Safe. He’s had to keep it together for so long, to be the constant, stable thing in everyone’s lives. And I thought he enjoyed it, but now it’s clear what a burden that’s been.
He’s never been able to breathe, because he’s spent his entire life having to take care of everyone else, since no one took care of him.
He knows how to handle the fallout, not the chaos, but I do. I live and breathe it, learned to go with the flow to keep the storm from tearing me apart. I may have fumbled a couple of steps, lost the reins as its master over the last few weeks, but it’s high time I dust myself off and try again.
I promised to look after them on this side of the veil, and that’s exactly what I’ll do. I’ve spent a lifetime pushing down my problems to cope, so what’s once more? If I’m picking up the mantle of ‘guardian’, I might as well add ‘rock’, too.
“I don’t even know who the fuck I am.” He groans, pulling out a chair beside the small table and slumping into it.
“Nothing’s changed, really.” He gives me a look like he’s debating my sanity, but I shrug it off and press on. “We realized earlier that you guys were absorbing my magic and you were fine with it then. You were perfectly ready to accept any new things tossed your way in regards to abilities that might manifest, were readily adapting to how the tethers affected your life. So anything that happens now you can just blame on me if it helps you wrap your head around whatever might end up developing, and pretend the talents aren’t inherently yours.”
I stretch, rolling my shoulders and in desperate need of a hot bath that I no longer feel like drowning myself in. Amazing how things can change in an instant simply by how you’re willing to look at them. How we perceive things carries so much more weight than actual reality.
“Your dad was still your dad. Your childhood sucked, could have been different, but anyone can get caught up in the ‘what if’ of any situation. Doesn’t do any good beyond making you miserable.”
Dorian hums. “And since Maddox was a couple of years younger than Cambria, likely some fae was afraid of the changelings getting loose and wanted to try and save their child. And Achlys seemed impressed Graham managed to strip his abilities enough to survive over here, so it’s not common practice or widely known how to pull it off. Makes sense someone sought him out for help, if that was what they were trying to do.”
“But why wouldn’t she stay too? Why just abandon her child?” he growls.
Atlas suggests, “Chickened out? Achlys said it would drive a person to madness and feel like losing a limb. Or Maddox was just human, some affair baby a woman needed to hide.”
Lucien sighs. “I hate this.”
Dorian snaps, “And you think we don’t?” I jump at the hostility in his voice, startled. “Like it wasn’t enough that we rely on you for everything, now we find out you’re fae too? Where the hell does that leave us?” He gestures to himself and Atlas, the latter refusing to look in our direction.
