My eyes cut to Atlas, assuming he would have filled her in by now. By his guilty look, it’s clear he saved that conversation for me, but I can’t say that I blame him. Cambria’s been through an emotional roller coaster this last week, so I can’t fault the man for not wanting to share just yet.
I put my hand on her lower back and guide her over to the wrought iron fence that borders the dingy river. It’s not a beautiful view by any means, surrounded by industrial buildings and pollution, but it’s easier to talk about the things that haunt you when you don’t have to look at anyone. Like her, there will always be a part of me that wants to hide from the pain, and this is a small comfort I can offer us both.
“Remember my brother, Maddox?” I don’t wait for her to respond, leaning my arms on the metal and watching the way the water cuts around a stray branch. “He was always getting into trouble as a kid. It started small, and never escalated beyond petty theft, but one day he stole from the wrong person. A twenty dollar bill.” I shut my eyes briefly, extinguishing the rage before it can build. “He was killed over a twenty dollar bill that he pickpocketed from a loan shark.”
“My dad,” Atlas admits, leaning next to me.
I sigh, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and thinking, not for the first time, that Atlas and I should trade namesakes. “Dorian and I eventually tracked him down. When it became clear that he wasn’t walking away from the situation, the soulless bastard tried to offer a trade.”
Cambria’s voice is soft when she asks, “He’d give you money if you let him live?”
I shake my head, but it’s Dorian that answers. “He offered up Atlas to take the punishment instead. A son for a brother, so he thought it was fair,” he scoffs vehemently.
Her voice is harder than before. “But you didn’t take it.”
“No, I didn’t. I killed him and left Atlas to deal with the fallout, to pick up the pieces of a broken legacy. I didn’t see him again for several years.”
I can feel her surprise, and she turns to lean her back against the rail, staring at the side of my face. She waits patiently for me to continue, not probing, just giving me time to speak when I’m ready. I take the few moments to collect myself as Dorian carries on.
“He came to me first,” Dorian reminisces with a wistful smile, “and I beat the ever loving shit out of him. But he came back to the shop the next day, and the one after that. After the third time, I was actually willing to listen. He never raised a hand to defend himself, just took every punch like it was his due, even though he never did a single thing beyond being born to that asshole.”
Atlas sounds far away, just as lost in the memories as the rest of us. “And after Dorian saw I was serious, he took me to Luce’s office. I never wanted to be a part of that shit in the first place, but after my father died, I felt more trapped than ever. When everyone who owed him money thought they got out of the debts free and clear, the men working for my father turned on me to make sure they got their cuts of the loans they were promised. It was a hot mess.
“So after a few years of shit just getting worse and worse, I sought out the only hope I had left; Lucien. He showed up at my doorstep radiating the icy promise of death, a soulless monster that had such firm control over his life, it made a lasting fuckin’ impression. I wanted to hand the reins of my chaotic life over to him to tame, and offer my soul as payment to the man without one.”
Cambria trails her fingers down my arm slowly, and I finally face her, unsure of what I’m hoping to find when I do. Do I want her to flinch away in fear, to know she fully grasps the sort of man she decided to save? Do I want her to look at me with fierce determination, to try and offer me forgiveness that I not only don’t seek, but don’t want?
Or do I want her to admit she doesn’t want to get involved with us before things start, to save me that pain later on when she comes to realize I can’t love her the way she deserves?
Her silver eyes swirl like liquid mercury as she meets my gaze without flinching. She doesn’t shrink away in fear or look at me curiously, like she’s trying to figure me out. Cambria just stares at me, knowing there aren’t any broken shards that need pieced back together. There’s nothing to fix, because everything I once was, burned away until not a single piece remained, leaving behind an empty husk.
She sees me, and that’s enough.
“And Dorian convinced you to take it.” She doesn’t phrase it like a question, starting to understand what makes me tick.
I dip my head in agreement. “He did. So I handled the debts and demolished the building, refusing to let any part of that place rise from the debris to haunt us again.”
She steps away from the railing, starting a trail of her hand from my arm to around my back, sizing me up and circling me, as if I were her prey instead of someone that could eat her alive. She ends on my other side, leaning back against Atlas as she regards me.
“So why did you come here today if it isn’t haunting you?” she challenges.
I practically purr, the way she tries to strip me apart with nothing more than her words sending a thrill through me. “Because I have other things to focus on now.”
We leave it at that, nothing more needing to be said. Atlas and Dorian climb in the other car, but Cambria I keep with me as we start making our way home. There’s no way I’ll be getting any more work done today, a fact that should grate at me, but doesn’t. It just doesn’t seem as important as it used to.
