“You don’t trust anyone, Zeno,” I reminded him.
“That’s not true—well, okay yeah. I guess you’re right,” he admitted. “But that keeps me alive. So, pop a fucking pill and get back to work. Now.”
“Fine,” I sighed, hanging up the phone and sinking onto the couch. I emptied my wine glass, that familiar feeling of dread and doom washing over me.
Zeno was fierce. His wrath was hot, fiery, and unpredictable. The idea that anything could happen at any moment was enough to make me feel anxious and uneasy, but knowing that danger could come from Zeno made me shudder with fear.
What the fuck was I doing?
The weight of my decision started to hit me.
At this point, I sensed danger lurking everywhere, and I was thankful to be safe and secure in my home. I made a note to change the locks tomorrow and do it quietly, so Zeno wouldn’t find out. I needed to gradually detach myself from him. I looked around at the place I called home and felt a pang of pain, knowing I’d have to leave it soon.
Once Zeno knew everything, I expected him to take it all away.
I’d been aware of that when I made my decision. As much as I loved this place, I was excited to find something on my own. Sure, it would be much simpler than these lush surroundings, but that was okay.
It would be mine. All mine.
An hour later, as I was finishing the bottle of wine, there was a knock at my door. My heart skipped a beat, and a wave of fear ran through me.
Had Zeno found out?
My eyes darted to the clock. It was nearly ten o’clock, much too late for any casual visitors. With heavy footsteps, I approached the door and pressed my eye to the peephole.
I gasped as Thal’s face appeared in view.
I swung the door open with a wide smile.
“This is a surprise,” I said, stepping aside so he could walk in.
“I hope I’m not being rude,” he said. “I just wanted to check on you.”
“I’m okay.” I shrugged, closing and locking the door behind us. I turned toward him, and his face wrinkled with concern.
“What’s wrong? Have you been crying?” he asked.
“Maybe a little,” I said, shrugging again.
He closed the gap between us and pulled me into his arms.
His embrace wasn't just warm, but more of a heavy, possessive weight that promised to hold me together as the rest of my life shattered. I didn’t want to melt. I wanted to disappear into the shadow he’d cast.
But that thought brought more turmoil, the anguish seeming to wrench my heart, twisting it like a strong fist of confusion.
Zeno may have deserved my betrayal, but that didn’t make it feel good to do so. Why was I so torn? Why was this such an excruciating decision? I felt like Zeno had pushed me right into Thal’s arms. And if it wasn’t Thal, it might have been someone else.
I'd been seeking some kind of comfort for a long time.
Now that I had found it, I felt guilty about it.
I despised the opposing emotions spinning inside me. They left me feeling uncertain and shaky about the decision I'd made. I wanted to feel anything but that. I wanted to be confident, sure, and strong. Will I ever get there?
“Talk to me, please. Tell me how I can help.”
Thal’s words weren’t demanding or accusatory. Instead, they were calming and filled with a strength I needed to hear. Heoffered his help, his hand, and his support. There was nothing about him that made me want to escape. The main issue was that I was eager to fall into his arms, wasn’t it?
A wave of despair rose within me, almost spilling over with the tears I had been crying for the past hour.
