Even the damn broken hinge on the under-sink cabinet, which hefixed three timesbefore giving up and bolting it shut like it owed him money.
I can’t escape him.
And I don’t want to.
Which might be the worst part.
I try to distract myself. I rearrange the kitchen cabinets. Again. I alphabetize the formula containers. I teach Caelix to say "banana" in three languages. He still says "boonah-nah" and it makes my chest ache with love and guilt in equal parts.
I sit on the floor with him while he stacks blocks, and out of nowhere he points to the door and says, “Dada.”
My heart stops.
He’s never said that before.
I freeze. “What did you say, bug?”
“Dada,” he says again, grinning like it’s a joke we’re both in on.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to break a thousand ceramic mugs and glue the pieces into a mural of all the stupid decisions I’ve made in my life.
The next night, Jorla invites me out for drinks.
I say no. Then she shows up at my door with a bottle and a “get your ass dressed” look that brooks no argument.
We end up at some dive where the music is half-static and the bartender looks like he models in crime scene holos.
I nurse my drink like it’s going to whisper answers in my ear.
“You think he’s coming back?” I ask, voice brittle.
Jorla shrugs. “Vakutans don’t play games. If he said come find him, he meant it.”
“But where? He said I’d know.”
Her eyes narrow. “You do. You just don’t want to admit it.”
I sip. Swallow. Grit my teeth.
“There’s this outpost,” I whisper. “Top of the canyon ridge. Place he used to go when he needed to think. Said it reminded him of home—rocky, harsh, no distractions. He took me there once. Said the wind made his head feel clear.”
“There’s your answer.”
I laugh, but it’s hollow. “And what? I just show up with our son and an apology in my back pocket like a damn holo-drama climax?”
“You show up with the truth. You let himsee you.”
“And if he doesn’t want to hear it?”
Jorla finishes her drink and stands. “Then at least you’ll know you didn’t run. You didn’t stay silent. You didn’t let love die in the dark.”
That night, I lay awake, tracing circles on the edge of Caelix’s blanket.
I open the compad.
