I gaze back out towards the street.
And for a fleeting minute, the crowds, the noise, the time between us, feels just that little bit smaller.
24
ALICE
I turn the sound down on the TV, whereThe A-Teamis playing on a Freeview channel called Legend, which I have recently become addicted to. The eighties loved their American action. I wipe the chilli sauce from the corner of my mouth, my doner kebab half demolished on top of the clean white sheets.
‘Al? You awake?’ Spence’s voice comes from behind the door.
I pull it open. ‘You look like you’ve just been shagged,’ I say. He’s wearing a crumpled white T-shirt, his hair sticking up at odd angles. ‘Heather, here?’ I ask, sarcasm dripping from my voice.
He ignores my barb. ‘Couldn’t sleep.’
Spence slumps onto my bed, back leaning against the headboard.
‘Where are the girls?’
‘Stayed over at Josie’s. They’re going to have a pamper night, apparently.’
‘They have a good night?’
He smiles. ‘Yeah. Looks like I’m back in the good books. For now.’ He reaches for my kebab and takes a bite. ‘Since when do you eat kebabs? I thought you said they look like roadkill?’
‘Thought I’d give it a try.’
I’d ended up walking through Soho for longer than I’d intended, the walk and hours spent taking photos of where Michael may have ended up quickly burning through the basket of chips from the pub.
‘Shove up,’ I say, joining him.
‘The A-Team?’ He nods to the screen. ‘You’re really going for full-on eighties immersion, aren’t you?’
I shrug and he chews thoughtfully.
‘So, do you want to talk about the elephant in the room?’ he asks.
‘You mean how Ryan has moved on with his new six pack, a Margot Robbie lookalike, and a successful career? No, not especially.’
‘You forgot a pretentious American accent that he seems to have acquired in the space of a few months.’
I huff a laugh and reach over for the kebab, taking another bite. I let out a long breath, tears already forming.
‘What am I doing, Spence?’ I nod to the TV, to the laptop with too many tabs open to count.
‘What you’ve always done. Trying to find answers.’
‘But to what end? What would finding him even mean?’
On screen, Hannibal is coming up with a plan and lighting his cigar.
Spence is thoughtful for a moment, as though he’s choosing his words carefully. ‘Do you remember when your mum lost her handbag?’
I reach for a bottle of water and crack the lid, bringing it to my lips with a small nod. I remember sitting at the top of the stairs while Mum and Dad shouted at each other over it. She’d been Christmas shopping and bought a load of vouchers as gifts. ‘Yeah, she’d left it on the bus. God, that was years ago. How old were we? Eight?’
‘Nine. You went full-on Scooby-Doo. Put posters up, went in every shop she remembered going to that day.’
I nod with a smile. ‘I told them I was going for dinner at yours and convinced you to come with me to the bus depot.’
