‘Nowt to fret about, Mam’ll have some magic fix for getting that out.’ She sits down heavily on one of the kitchen chairs.
‘Brew?’ I ask.
‘Got anything stronger?’
I need to go to work in about three hours, so I click the kettle, and retrieve Dad’s stash from behind the cornflakes, pouring her an inch into a glass. She knocks it back in one, like she’s necking Buttercup Syrup, and reaches for the bottle.
‘Steady on, ey?’ I sit opposite her and take her cold hand in mine, my thumb rubbing over hers. ‘Want to tell me what’s going on?’
‘Danny proposed.’ The words come out of her as though she’s just saidI’ve got three months to live.
‘Was the ring that bad?’ I try to lighten the atmosphere. It doesn’t land. It’s like she doesn’t even hear me. ‘So what did you say?’
She swallows, tears brimming. ‘Nothing. Not at first, and then there was this awful silence, Mike… and the look on hisface…’ She trails off, takes her hand from mine, clutching the glass between her palms. I don’t say anything, I just wait for her to continue. ‘I thought… I thought that getting married, eventually having my own shop, being close to my family, to you, same familiar faces, was what I wanted. But then when he said the words, it was as if this massive crack opened up inside, and I just felt like I was falling, like instead of it being the best moment in my life I’d just been handed a death sentence.’
The kettle clicks off. I give her hands a squeeze and make two cuppas; even though Kate thinks she needs whiskey right now, I know that nothing good is going to come from hitting the hard stuff before she’s even had a bowl of Ready Brek. I push one towards her, sitting back down. She cradles the cup in her hands, staring at the steam rising into the air.
‘Oh God, Mike, what have I done?’
The quiet hum of the fridge is loud in the early morning quiet. I pull at my earlobe, trying to think before I open my big gob and say the wrong thing. I’ve never been Danny’s biggest fan, but they’ve been together for a long time, have a house together, plans for the future. Just like me and Sarah had.
‘I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me quickly so it’s just a gut reaction, OK? Are you relieved?’
Her eyes fill with tears again and she gives me this little nod.
‘Then you’ve done the right thing.’
We don’t speak for a while, both of us sipping our tea. The only sound is the clock on the wall, counting our lives away. Her eyes land on the envelope, half covered with a tea towel.
‘You’re still writing to her?’ she asks, eyebrows furrowing.
‘Aye…’
‘But the address…’
‘I know.’ For a second, I see a flash of Alice, her blue dress hugging her neck. I blink. ‘I feel like we’ve got unfinishedbusiness…’ I trail off, a flush of embarrassment creeping up my throat.
‘Aye, I s’pose you do.’
She sniffs, straightens in her seat, shakes her head. ‘What am I going to do?’
‘OK, just for a second, let’s pretend money is no object, let’s say you’ve just won the pools. What would you want to do?’
She snorts, ‘Now you’re talking daft.’ She leans back, inhales, and lets a long, slow breath out.
‘Go on… what would you do?’
‘Travel, maybe?’
‘Where would you go?’
‘If money wasn’t a problem? Everywhere,’ she says in a long breath.
‘Well, that’s a start, isn’t it?’
She sniffs, wipes her nose on the back of her hand. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t just leave here and go travelling around the world, can I?’
‘Why not? What’s stopping you?’
