There is a click, the scratch of a key in the door. My pulse rushes.
I make my way to the top of the stairs. Spence is leaning against the door. Clothes crumpled, his hair standing up, eyes closed, shoulders slumped. I clutch the banister, taking a step down.
He looks up.
‘Al…’ His voice is raw, and the way he’s looking at me?—
I open my mouth, not quite trusting myself to speak.
‘Is she OK?’
He lets out a long breath, tears in his eyes. He nods. ‘I’ve just come back to get some things… She was asking for you.’
I take another step down. He takes a step up. Then another, and another. My heart is pounding hard in my chest. How could I have thought he was just my friend? My whole body is aching to hold him, to take away some of his pain.
I reach up a tentative hand, cupping his cheek.
He leans into my palm, voice catching. ‘I’m so glad you’re here.’
‘Where else would I be?’
He closes his eyes again, as if the weight of my words is pushing down on him. When he opens them, even though he hasn’t moved, it feels like we’re closer than we have ever been before. His body is trembling, the warmth of his body against mine thawing any doubt that I’ve had about my love for him. ‘I keep thinking.’ His voice catches. ‘I keep thinking that if you hadn’t been here…’
‘Shush…’ I press my forehead against his. ‘I was. I am. I’m not going anywhere. I belong here. With you.’ His eyes scan my face, the truth of my words landing.
‘Say it again.’ His eyes dip to my mouth, his body pressing closer.
‘I belong with you.’
His finger runs along my bottom lip as though he’s trying to imprint my words on his skin. I take his hand, bringing it to my chest, my heart beating rapidly beneath his palm.
My words hang in the air. I wait to feel the need to pull them back, for the fear of ruining what we have, but the emotion doesn’t come.
‘Spence, I?—’
There is a flicker, a hesitation. It’s barely there, that slight space between us, but I can feel it as though he’s back at the bottom of the stairs. I’ve left it too late.
‘Al…’ His hand tightens. ‘Don’t.’
‘I…’
‘Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. Not this time.’ His words hum through my whole body. He’s not saying this to push me away. He’s saying it because he’s afraid. He’s bracing himself. He thinks I’m going to walk away again like I always have: to uni, to Ryan, to London, to Michael. He’s always been waiting for me to walk away. ‘I can’t lose you. Not now. Not again.’
My hand slides around his neck, my hands locked in the hair at the nape. ‘I’m not going anywhere. Not this time.’
A long breath shudders out of him. And he looks at me, something like hope in his eyes.
‘I’m in love with you, Spence. I think I always have been. I’ve just been too blind, too stupid…’
The rest of the sentence is lost as our mouths meet. His body pressing against mine. The kiss is urgent, tender, desperate,calm. Everything we have always felt for each other but never said.
‘What took you so long?’ he asks, breathless, fingers brushing away a lock of my hair.
For a second, my eyes catch on my bag beside the door, the corner of one of Michael’s letters peeking out. I know his handwriting is slanting to the right, filled with his rich voice, thick with a time and place that I don’t belong to, with longing for a woman who didn’t exist. Not really. His true love was hidden between the lines.
I pull myself back to Spence, to the warmth in his eyes, his heart beating beneath my palm. Michael’s letters had taken me on a journey, but it wasn’t the destination I thought it was. He was leading me here, to the quiet, messy love that springs up through the cracks of the ordinary: a glimmer of colour, of beauty, that thrives despite being overlooked and passed by.
I smile, give a little shrug. ‘I got lost along the way.’
