“Don’t worry about me. How are you? Really?”
I hike my shoulders up and drop them. Like Winnie does when she doesn’t have an answer to any of my questions. “I'm fine. I think that’s what feels the weirdest. I don’t feel anything.”
“Well, this didn’t happen overnight. Legally maybe, but the marriage has been over for a while for you. You’ve been feeling it all along.”
I don’t say anything. I just hug her. Because she’s right. It’s been death by a thousand cuts. A million cuts. For years.
“I’ll see you in a week. But you need to come visit soon.” She pulls away and a smirk creeps up on her face. “Tanner says hi, by the way.”
“He always does.”
“I know.” She winks before joining Rhett in that red truck I'm surprised still runs.
I wave and stand there in the quiet of the early summer evening, watching my younger sister go be braver than I have ever been. She took a chance on her writing career and now she lives up in Michigan in a little magical cabin with her fiancé, writing their novels.
Her risk paid off. But right now, I am not sure if the risk of choosing myself is going to be worth it. Because at twenty-eight, I am officially a single mom living in my parent’s house with no real direction. My college diploma in finance is lost and unused in the boxes in my storage unit and I have no real passion other than my daughter.
Halfway home, with Winnie sound asleep in the back, I take the chance to call the person Lauren has no idea I am still in communication with.
2
“Hey Han,” Tanner says on the other line.
“Were you sleeping?”
“No, no, just got off work and sitting on the front deck. How was today? Did it go okay?”
“Yeah.” I pause. “It went as expected.”
“Still feeling a lot of nothing?”
“Yeah. Did I tell you Winnie wants to quit dance?” It’s not my smoothest topic change, but anything is more pleasant than my hours old divorce.
“How do you feel about that?”
“Sad. I always loved dance. My dad hated it and made my mom pull me out and put me in soccer instead. I always imagined having a daughter who would dance since I couldn’t.”
“Well, it sounds like you managed the next best thing.”
“What do you mean?” I veer off toward Mom and Paul’s house.
“You gave her the choice that you never had.”
The thought makes my throat tighten as I glance back in the rearview mirror and see her rosy cheek pressed against her shoulder. She snores softly and I wonder if maybe he’s right. Ifgiving her the choice that I didn’t have was the best choice I could have made.
“Tell me about your day.” I blink away the tears in my eyes and focus on the traffic lights guiding the way.
“I got some more chickens and added a new section to the garden.”
I stare at the road, unsure if I heard him right. “You gotmorechickens?”
“Yeah, Dollie, you know the bookshop owner? She’s downsizing her animals, and she gave me a few.”
“Doesmoreimply you alreadyhadchickens?”
“Oh yeah. A whole coop full.”
“Tanner,” I say. “We have been friends steadily for over a year, and especially the past six months and you never thought to mention you had chickens?”
