A few seconds later she appears, Luis in her arms and a diaper bag hanging over her shoulder. My chest tightens when I see her. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail and her face is bare, showcasing the dark circles under her eyes. She’s beautiful, but those signs of exhaustion worry me.
“Can we talk?” I ask, itching to reach for her, but instead I shove my hands in my pockets and wait.
“Is it about Luis?” she asks, dodging the question with one of her own.
I shake my head. “No. It’s about us.”
“There isn’t an us anymore, Emilio. I think it would be best if we kept our communication centered around our son.” Her tone is clipped, without an ounce of emotion in it, but I don’t miss the clenching of her jaw.
I bite the inside of my cheek and glance at Jae who is hovering a few steps away. I don’t want to have this conversation with him watching, but I can’t very well tell him to leave either. And despite what she wants, we’re going to talk.
I shift my gaze back to Bibiana, careful to keep my tone calm, soothing even. I don’t want to tick her off and I don’t want to make a scene in front of Luis. I know he’s little. Doesn’t understand what we’re saying all the time. But I remember my parents fighting in front of me as a kid. That isn’t something I ever want to do in front of my son. “It isn’t what you think. I didn’t—”
“I know.” Still holding my gaze, she shakes her head. “I know what happened. I know you didn’t cheat on me.”
“You do?” Relief crashes over me and my shoulders relax. I take a step forward about to reach for her when she leans away. My arms fall back to my sides. If she knows, then why is she still being like this? My heart squeezes in my chest. What am I missing?
“I talked to Allie. And Kasey. And Aaron.” She sighs. “I didn’t have much of a choice since they just kept calling and calling, but yeah, I heard about the beer. The shirt. That you pushed Sarah away. I know all of that.”
If all that’s true then—
“But,” she takes a deep breath, “I still can’t be with you. Not like that.”
Wait. What? “Why the hell not?” I snap my teeth together to bite back the rest of my words, knowing I’ll say something I’ll regret.
Moisture pools in the corners of her eyes, but she blinks it away before holding her arms out to hand Luis to me, her movements stiff, almost robotic. I take him, careful to support his weight as she hands me his diaper bag. “Because the other night made me realize a few things I hadn’t stopped to consider.”
I flick my gaze between her and Luis and wait. He smiles, showcasing the two bottom teeth he has, and I take a second to properly greet him. “You ready to spend the day with your old man?” He gurgles and jabbers, swinging his arms and kicking his feet.
Bibiana remains quiet, so I decide to push.
“Like what?”
“I don’t trust you.”
Ouch. I mean, that much was already clear with how she reacted, but hearing it aloud is still like a knife to the gut.
“But—”
She raises a hand. “Let me finish.”
I give her a stiff nod, clinging to my son like a lifeline.
Bibiana’s chest rises and falls with her breaths and she turns to Jae for a moment. He gives her a nod of encourage and that alone makes my hackles rise. What is he encouraging her to do here, exactly?
“Luis needs to come first, always.”
“He does.”
“But he won’t if we’re fighting. I don’t want to risk burning bridges with you. We’re both young. A relationship would have never worked out between us. Not long-term.”
“You don’t know that,” I bite out. She’s refused to give this a real chance, fighting me every step of the way. She didn’t want to get married. Didn’t want to fucking date. I don’t even know what to call what we’ve been doing, but even that was half-assed on her part.
But before I can say any of that she continues, “Seeing you with Sarah the other night made me hate you. It made me want to hurt you and the best way to do that is with him.” She nods toward Luis. “I don’t want to be that person. I don’t ever want to use him against you or have him used against me. He isn’t some bargaining chip and I hate myself for even considering it.”
Air freezes in my lungs as her words hit their mark and my eyes narrow. She folds her arms across her chest and looks away. A single tear slips past her defenses and she hastily wipes it away.
“We can’t afford to be at one another’s throats. We can’t feud and fight. This can’t be messy. We have a child together and that’s complicated enough. Trying to date, to be whatever it is that you want, it just makes an already complicated situation worse. I think for both our sakes, we need to focus on being co-parents. Not—not anything more.”
