I laugh, looking over at Erin, who's happily shoveling yogurt puffs into her mouth, kicking her feet without a care in the world. She looks more and more like Aaron every day, with her ever-darkening hair and round cheeks. I see it most when she's smiling, which is almost always—just like her dad.
"Still, I don't think he'd necessarily be pushing me into someone else's arms," I counter half-heartedly. "Even he's not that good."
"If he knew you were alone? Yes, he would," she argues. "If he knew it was Jack, who he loved almost as much as he loves you? He'd be the first to get on board."
"I don't know, Ellie Bellie," I sigh. "I want to believe that. But we're ignoring the other half of this scenario. What if he decides he doesn't want this? He didn't sign up for a widow and a baby, he didn't sign up for anything. It just kind of happened."
"Don't act like he didn't actively choose this," she says, almost angrily. My eyes widen in shock at the stony look on her face. "Jack Robb doesn't do anything without thinking through it. And he doesn't do things half-ass. If he's in this, which heis," she continues pointedly. "He's in it all the way."
"For now," I say, voicing a fear I haven't let myself think about. "What if he thinks he wants this, then changes his mind? What if it happens years down the road, when Erin is old enough to understand someone leaving? I don't want to risk that. I don't want to do anything unless I'm absolutely sure. No matter how much I might love him."
I can see the moment her brain short-circuits at the confession.
"Do not make a big deal about this," I warn as she starts practically vibrating with joy. "Just because I said it out loud doesn't mean anything is going to happen. And I'm not saying it again."
"Oh, something's going to happen," she murmurs, a wicked grin spreading on her face. "Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or this month, or this year, but something is going to happen. And when it does, I'm going to hit you with the biggest 'told you so' in the history of mankind."
"And can I just say," she adds in a haughty tone. "I knew this was going to happen from the first time you had a sex dream about him. You can't hide from your subconscious, my ginger angel. The heart wants what it wants."
"Oh stop it, you did not," I say, cheeks heating with embarrassment at the memory. "Not every dream has a meaning."
"Well this one did," she declares. "And it means that you want a yearning, rugged, six-foot firefighter to have his way with—"
"Do not finish that sentence in front of my innocent little cherub," I say, cleaning the tray with a baby wipe and lifting her into my lap. "Even if it's true," I add with a sly smile.
She lets out a shriek, clapping her hands loudly as we make our way out of the restaurant. I don't know if the other patrons found it quite as endearing as when Erin did it.
Chapter 44
Jack
Seven Months
Abby:I have a favor to ask
Even just seeing her name on my phone makes my heart skip. It’s unfair, and unreasonable, and unsustainable to want her the way I do–but goddamn, do I.
I’ll do anything you want, pretty girl.
As much as I want to spill my guts and tell her exactly how I feel, I know I need to keep this to myself for now. And probably forever. So I send a normal, casual response.
Jack:What’s up?
Abby:Do you think Granny would watch Erin tonight?
Abby:Ellie is determined to “get me back in society”
Abby:I’m sure you’ll hear from Griffin any second
Comically on cue, our text thread is replaced by Griffin’s name flashing on my screen.
“Are you going to try and convince me to go out tonight?”
“Goddammit,” he huffs. “She already got to you.”
“The fact that I don’t know which 'she' you’re referring to is alarming in and of itself.”
“Whatever, it doesn’t matter. My darlin’ wife is hellbent on getting Abby out and about, and she says that won’t happen without you.”
