Satori surprises me when he holds his hand out to shake Damien’s. He’s trying to appear respectful to everyone else, but I can pick up the resentment behind it.
“Glad to see you’re doing well,” Satori says confidently, overselling his friendliness, if you ask me. There’s a split second of hesitation in Damien’s eyes, knowing what trouble he’s been lately, but then he shakes his hand anyway, maintaining his demeanor.
“Thanks. It’s good to be back,” Damien replies sternly. Just when I think he’ll get stuck in another stare-off with him, he pulls his hand away, leaving Satori standing there in disbelief as he walks over to us.
That one choice has made me even more proud of him. Satoriwantsa fight. He wants Damien to lose it in front of everyone tocarve his insanity theory in stone. My man isn’t going to let that happen, though. He’s too damn smart.
“Are you ready to go to the conference room, baby girl?” he asks as he takes my hand, pulling me from my brother’s hold.
“You got it.” I smile up at him and squeeze his hand, glancing back at Zeke to make sure he’s following.
“Come on, Kade.” Damien jerks his head in the direction of the door, but he’s sure to glare at Satori as we walk through it. The rest of the morning isn’t going to be near as much fun as the last few minutes was, but I still feel pretty good about it, knowing that Damien is soaking up his confidence once again.
Zeke manages to shove Kade through the door before he turns the upper half of his body and throws his middle finger in the air, directing it at Satori. I just shake my head and keep walking. At this point, I’m not going to stop him. Trying to put a lid on Zeke is like trying to extinguish a firework that’s already going off. My only concern is if it bothers Damien, but by the chuckle leaving his lips, I don’t think he minds at all.
Damien shuts the driver’s side door and leans back against the seat, sighing through his frustration. Our joyful day back took a stressful turn. I knew Satori was messing with the routes and downtown operations, but I had no idea it wasthisbad. There were gaps all over the place, leaving vulnerable areas without protection. That’s easily fixed, but what isn’t simple to solve is the insubordination from some of the men.
None of our usual guys caused any problems, thankfully. It was pretty much all of Satori’s soldiers. The push back they gave about the not-so-new routes—that they still had hours to prepare for—really caught us off guard. It’s not that we didn’t find their concerns valid. Of course we did. It was the hostilitybehind it, and the question of who they should listen to. The answer shouldalwaysbe Damien. Satori’s influence over them has really started to breed some culture problems within the organization, and it made Damien very upset.
He’s treated them the same way he treats all of his men. The only person who’s exempt from that is Satori himself, and that’s because he’s earned this agitation. Whenever we’ve turned our backs, he’s slithered in like a snake and tried to change how we operate. For a while, I really thought he was going to start working with us, and not against us. That clearly isn’t going to happen, though.
I could see the sadness on Damien’s face when we had to talk about what happens if they disobey their orders tonight. He’s never had this problem. His men respect him and put him on such a high pedestal that I’m not sure he ever thought he would have to discuss something like that. He’s thinking about going out on patrol with them to encourage their compliance.
But I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.
It could be my own selfishness. A part of me just isn’t ready to sleep without him again, and I’m not sure that I could if I tried. I know this is just as important to him as anything else, though. His men’s opinions of him matter, and there’s no doubt that the hostility today has rattled him.
“Maybe’s Satori’s right…” he whispers as he pulls out of the parking lot, taking me by surprise. “I’m not the same person I was before. It’s been almost three months since I’ve been inside that building. Maybe I just don’t know what they need anymore…”
Now,that—thatdoubt—instantly pisses me off.
“Damien, you shouldn’t think like that.Youstarted this organization. Youknowthis area and how it works. When you make these decisions, you keep everyone in mind—the citizens, the guys, and what trouble either one can run into. Satori’sroutes are shit. Youknowthat.” I try to reason with him, but he just shakes his head again and reaches his hand through the window to unlock the main gate.
“It’s not just that…” We pull out and turn back onto the main mountain road towards the house. “I went through everything since the moment they took me. Every route logged, every inventory count, and every submission that was put in…” He glances at me, then back to the road. “You didsofucking good, baby. So God damn good, and I’m soproudof you…but it makes me feel like shit.” He clears his throat, twisting my heart. “You shouldn’t have had to do it…”
His grip tightens on the steering wheel, making the leather creak beneath his palm. It breaks my heart to have his mind swirling this way. He finally just found his footing again after everything that’s happened, and now, he feels like he’s taking steps backward instead of forward.
“DeLuca said something about me turning you into a monster… That I did nothing but cause you more pain.” He turns his head away from the road, but looks out of his own window instead of me. He’s quick to adjust it back to the road, but I can tell by the tautness of his neck that he’s trying to avoid looking at me. “Sometimes I can’t help but think she was right…”
“Don’t stop at the house,” I blurt out quietly, unable to stop myself. He’s felt like this before, even before DeLuca threw it in his face every chance she got. Before he was taken, I thought I was starting to break the surface on that, beginning to prove to him how wrong he is. Now, I’m determined to finish that point.
“What?” He turns to narrow his eyes at me.
“You heard me.” I meet his gaze, partially already regretting this decision, because I know he’ll be mad at me when he learns the truth. “Just keep going down the mountain. I’ll tell you when to turn.”
His face doesn’t soften, but he doesn’t argue, either. I look back to the road and pull his hand to rest on my stomach, knowing we both need the comforting touch. When we drive past our long driveway, I don’t miss how he presses into my belly just a little more. He knows where we’re going, but I still tell him to turn at the bottom of the mountain like he doesn’t.
I rub the outside of his hand with my thumb, trying to give him some type of reassurance. Words bubble up in my throat and dance on the tip of my tongue, but I force myself to stay quiet. For the first time, probably ever, I don’t want to tell him that everything is okay—that he’s safe. I want him tofeelit. I want him toknowit. There is nothing here that can hurt him anymore, and until he experiences that, I’m not sure either of us will be able to break through this wall he’s built.
He pulls the car up as far as it can go, only stopping when the hood threatens to touch the ‘do not cross’ police tape. His eyes scan the ash-covered area carefully, like he’s trying to put pieces together from his memories, but I see the moment confusion takes over fully. I just step out of the car, not giving him a moment to doubt himself any longer. He probably hates that I didn’t wait for him, but I think getting myself out once won’t hurt in a moment like this.
The rain doesn’t bother me. While it may be a little cold, I welcome it. It’s slowed down a lot since this morning, and the light mist reminds me of a time we both look back to when we’re too overwhelmed. It doesn’t take but about a second for him to appear beside me, following me like he always has. As I lean back against the front of the car, I barely hear his words.
“What happened to this place?”
“I burnt it down,” I admit proudly, and he snaps his head to look at me. Shock covers his face with wide, feral eyes and a tight jaw. As much as I want to stare at him, I know I would just get lost before I can confess. So, I’m sure to do that first. “You werehome about two weeks when I snuck out to do it.” I inhale deeply through my nose, gathering my resolve before I meet his eyes. Anger instantly begins to brew within them when he realizes I’m telling the truth. Then I see the betrayal in them, and I try to justify myself. “That’s the one and only time I’ve done that, I swear.”
“You went outalone?” he asks heatedly.
