I did more than hurt her. I triggered her. Traumatized her. She relived her most painful night because of what I did. Her reaction was expected. I deserved this. Why would she want to talk to me? Why would she want to see me? There was nothing I could do to make it up to her, but goddamnit I was going to try.
She wormed her way into my heart, and before I fucked it up, I was opening up and letting her in slowly. We both had so much to work on, but one monumental mistake ruined it. I never was good at reacting well to my emotions or loss. Losing Layla and having Fallon in intensive care hurt. I couldn’t focus.
I straddled my bike outside of Annika’s apartment. Fifteen minutes passed since I pulled up, and I still didn’t move. I had no idea what I would say or do, but I knew I needed to do something. Kadence deserved something from me. I couldn’t stay at my club when she wasn’t responding to my texts or anything else.
It made me sound selfish, but maybe I was. I wanted her forgiveness, but I knew I would have to work for it.
I hit the kickstand and removed my helmet before walking up the stairs to Annika’s door. My knuckles rapped the white mahogany door, waiting for someone to answer. Part of me wanted Kadence to answer, but I knew she wouldn’t.
And I was right.
Annika filled the frame, anger in her eyes. “What are you doing here, Blaize?”
“I wanted to talk to Kadence. Please.”
She looked behind her, I assumed looking at Kadence in the living room. “She doesn’t want to talk to you.” Annika’s voice was snappy. She went to close the door, but I stopped it with my boot. “Blaize.”
“Annika, please. I want to see her.”
Her eyes narrowed to slits, but before she said anything, Drew’s form filled the door. He stepped outside, closing the door behind him. I could hear Annika yelling at Noah and Theo behind the door about me.
“Blaize, you really can’t read a room can you?” Drew deadpanned.
“Drew, I need to talk to her please. It’s eating me alive. I know I fucked up,” I admitted.
He shook his head. “It’s her choice, and she doesn’t want to talk to you right now. She’s hurting. Kadence is having nightmares. She’s scared. She is fighting herself because she wants you, but she doesn’t want to get hurt.”
My face dropped. “Drew…I?—”
“I know, Blaize. You need to give her time. You really hurt her. I don’t know if she will be able to forgive you.”
Did I expect her to forgive me?
If I did something like that to Hunter, she would skin me alive, but Kadence was nothing like Hunter. Kadence wasinnocent and dangerously sweet. Scared of her past and just trying to live. I was the one prying for answers and in the end, I did the one thing I told myself I would never do: I hurt an innocent person. And now I was begging for forgiveness I didn’t deserve.
“What do I do, Drew?” I was at a loss.
“I don’t know if I have an answer for you. I know she loves you, and that's what hurts her the most. She wants to hate you for hurting her, but she also saw a part of you no one else saw.”
We went from a date in the park and finally breaking down these walls we both shared, to being back to phase one with more walls built because my anger screamed louder than rational thought.
CHAPTER 13
KADENCE
“She doesn’t have a right to show up on my fucking doorstep and demand to see Kadence!” Annika yelled. She was my rock, because I couldn’t do this.
When I heard Blaize’s voice, I didn’t know how to react. I wanted to cry, but I also wanted to leap into her arms. I was sick of my heart fucking with my brain. The two of them needed to stop fighting with each other and learn to work together. I was pissed at Blaize, and hurt. She traumatized me. She deserved to feel an ounce of my suffering.
I got up off the couch and walked into my room, crawling under the blankets. The tears fell like waterworks immediately. I hated crying like this over her. She didn’t deserve my tears. She deserved my anger. I needed to get back to the gym and spar with Drew. We took a small break to rest my body and mind because the self-mutilation and over exertion from sparring wasn’t helping me heal.
Annika stepped into my room, and I looked at her. She was waiting for my consent, and I nodded. She quickly scurried into my bed, crawling next to me and curling her body around mine. I turned in her arms and sobbed into her chest.
I hated feeling like this.
This wasn’t the girl I was supposed to be. Kadence was supposed to be different from Caden, but one night detoured everything. I needed to get control of my life back again. This was something I needed. I was tired of letting everyone walk all over me.
“I hate this,” I whispered into her chest. “I hate that I stillwanther.” I pulled back slightly. “I hate that I wanted to jump in her arms when I heard her voice at the door.”
