I terminate my connection almost immediately, wipe the temporary logs, power the receiver down, and stare at the darkened monitor for a few seconds, trying to gather my thoughts.
Then I stand and head for the door, biting the inside of my lip.
Should I tell Blue?
Doing so will reveal to him that I was eavesdropping on him before. But maybe it’s the right thing to do. No secrets?
I used to take such joy in my sneaky break-ins, never thinking twice about the moral side, but with Blue it’s different.
I should come clean. It can’t continue. And he needs to know, it’s a security matter.
Blue is still sitting on the armrest when I come back to the living room. He slips his phone into his pocket.
"We can go now. I had to take that call, this project is too important."
I scratch lightly at my chin, still wrestling with myself. Now or never. Either I come clean or I keep carrying this around, endangering him in the process, and it’s unacceptable.
"Blue, listen." I clear my throat. "There’s something weighing on my conscience. Or… the updated version of my conscience, I guess, because a while ago this wouldn’t even have bothered me. But things changed because of… what’s between us now."
Those sapphire eyes move across my face with faint amusement.
"Wow. That is certainly an interesting opening, although I still have absolutely no idea what you’re trying to tell me."
I cough awkwardly and drift toward the glass doors leading out to the roof garden.
"You remember when I told you I used to get a kick out of breaking into systems? I never thought much about the moral side. Me, some nobody, getting this brief little illusion of power over people who thought they were above me. I know how pathetic that sounds. Nothing excuses it except the fact that it was a flaw in my character, but—"
"Let me guess," Blue says flatly. "You hacked something that belongs to me."
Shit. I grimace painfully and brace a hand against the glass, like I’m trying to borrow some of its coolness and clarity because I’m going to need both. Of course he figured it out.
"Nothing excuses it, Blue," I say, slowly turning toward him. "I was an asshole. I’ll understand if you’re pissed. You’ve got every right to be."
Blue closes his eyes briefly and exhales. I can feel the impatience building under his skin.
"Just tell me, Gabriel. I do not need the preamble. It won’t influence me and it won’t change my reaction."
Right. No softening him up. No steering him emotionally. No fishing for pity. Blue doesn’t work that way.
Slowly, I lift my hand and lightly touch the edge of his glasses.
That’s all it takes.
The color drains from his face, then a flush rises just as quickly.
Without a word he turns and walks outside onto the rooftop, his breathing speeding up a bit.
He makes his way toward the pool and looks down at its perfectly still surface while I follow a few steps behind.
"And what exactly did you find so interesting in there?" he asks in a voice that sounds calm, but has a dangerous edge to it.
"I only did it a few times. I swear this isn’t some regular habit of mine. Two of them happened when I was frustrated and… craving you, trying to understand you better. Today, honestly, I had no good excuse for it. I was sitting alone in that damn room, bored, and I got curious about what you could possibly be discussing with Adams. I have this thing, which you’ve probably already noticed in that situation with Gomez: sometimes I just eavesdrop—"
"Wait." He cuts me off. "I would actually like to go back to those two instances where you were frustrated and curious. What exactly did you see?"
I was really hoping he wouldn’t dig into that part, but of course his brain needs complete information. I sigh and sit down on one of the loungers because I think I’d rather be sitting when he finally gets angry at me.
"The first time was… peculiar. It didn’t tell me much. You were standing in your room looking at the photo on your wall. I cut the connection almost immediately because it felt private. Like maybe you were dealing with your past."
