The woods devoured us entirely as he dragged me deeper into the darkness, the night oppressive and silent except for the ragged sound of our breathing, growing frantic and uneven. We pressed on until we reached the old trail marker, a shadowy relic in the gloom. I looked at the tattered sign stapled to the tree, “Don’t go off the trailhead,” it read.
He released me abruptly, but held tight to my hand, his grip trembling. His eyes flashed wild and unhinged, quivering as if he thought I was mad at him.
“I didn’t mean for that kiss to be—, I mean, I wasn’t okay with Heather kissing me,” he said, his voice small, almost regretful. He was stuttering, consumed by rage and jealousy, more drunk than I thought he was.
That was what he was apologizing for? I tried to think through the drunken fog in my brain, but I was pissed that he had kissed her, but not as pissed as I was about him intruding into my life and finding out my secret.
“Look, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry,” he spat out in broken words, his speech slurred. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears.
“Are you serious right now, Max?”
MAX
She waved her hands around,flustered, shrinking into herself again like she constantly did when things got real. There was no way I was allowing that fucker near her again, no fucking way. Not after everything I just heard them talk about.
I was done with him.
She wrapped her arms around her chest, closing me out.
“Don’t fucking shut down on me,” I spat out.
She wasn’t doing this to me. Not this time. I needed her to tell me everything: how she felt, what she was thinking. Everything.
“Max, I can’t believe you know. How the fuck do you know?” She was shaking with nerves, drunker than I realized. Her eyes were glassy, red-rimmed, brimming with tears.
My mind was going a mile a minute. I was on the edge of losing it, feeling like I was about to burst out of my own skin, trying to find a way to say,“I’ve hacked into your life. It’s because I love you. I do. I know your dad is a serial killer, and you’re in the Witness Protection Program. And hey, my dad is CIA and has known who you are my whole life, and we’re probably being watched right now, and we’re in some weird game that I don’t understand. And oh, our meeting seven years ago was probably part of an FBI plan.”
It sounded insane. Fucking insane. I was going insane… for her.
“It doesn’t matter, okay?” I said. “ I want you to know that it doesn’t matter. I don’t care what has happened to you. I mean, I care—Fuck, this isn’t coming out right. I’m drunk.”
My brain felt like it was sloshing inside my skull. Mackenzie was swaying like she was on a boat. She was just as drunk as I was, if not more.
“I… I… I just can’t do this with you. I can’t do this! I can’t fucking do this!”
She ran her hands down her face, clawing at her neck like she wanted to tear her throat out. She started to back away from me, but I caught her by the wrist and held her in place.
“Don’t leave,” I hissed. She rolled her eyes and then gave me an exasperated look.
“I’ve spent my whole life living in secret, and I’ve been told that if anyone finds out about me, it puts my mom and me at risk. Shit. Max. How the hell did you find out? I need you to tell me the fucking truth!”
“I… uh… I…” I was stumbling for words. I didn’t know how to break it to her. I didn’t know that what I had done would jeopardize her safety. I was a fucking idiot. I had let my obsession with her take over everything.
“Forget it,” she said flippantly, watching me struggle to figure out what to say. “I don’t know how Jackson even knows. I’ve told him nothing. I’ll probably end up getting sent away again, with a name change…”
She was crashing out in front of me.
“No, no, no, no. I can’t lose you.” I grabbed her by the shoulders, bending my head down a bit so I could look straight into her eyes. “We’ll figure this out, okay?”
She looked at me then, incredulous. “I’m not figuring out anything with you. You really hurt me tonight. How could you do something like that to me, especially after knowing everything I’ve been through?”
“Don’t play that game with me,” I snapped, letting her go. “Heather kissed me! I didn’t kiss her back.”
“Why would you even allow it, after everything we’ve been doing together?”
“I’d never fucking cheat on you. I wouldn’t. I’m faithful to you. Heather basically raped my face.”
She looked away, unable to keep her eyes on mine.
