"Wow. Living on the edge."
"What do you want me to say?"
She's quiet for a moment. When she speaks again, her voice is gentler. "I just want you to be happy. You've been through enough. You deserve something good."
"I'm working on it."
"Are you?"
I don't have an answer for that. We talk for a few more minutes about nothing important, and then she has to go.I'm left alone again with my thoughts and the knowledge that everyone in my life thinks I'm not okay.
Maybe they're right.
I spend the rest of the day trying to work. By evening, I've accomplished nothing. My inbox is full of messages I haven't answered. The code I'm supposed to review sits untouched.
I'm making dinner when my phone buzzes.
Luke: Forgot to mention, it’s Callie's birthday next month. Thought we could do something. You in?
I stare at the message for a long time.
This is it, this is where I say no. Where I start putting distance between myself and anything that involves Callie Reyes.
I type: When?
Luke: June 15th. Probably just dinner and drinks. Nothing fancy.
Me: Let me know the details.
Luke: Will do. Hey, you good? You seemed off today.
I hesitate. Luke knows me too well. He knows when something's wrong even when I don't say it.
Me: Just tired.
Luke: Get some sleep, man. You look like hell.
I set down the phone and finish making dinner. Chicken and rice. Simple. Tasteless. I eat it because I need fuel, not because I want it.
After dinner, I sit on the porch with another beer and watch the sun go down. The sky turns purple and orange. Stars start appearing. It's beautiful and peaceful and everything I wanted when I moved here.
It's not enough.
My phone is in my pocket. I can feel the weight of it. I can feel the temptation to pull it out and call her again. Hear her voice. Say something honest for once.
I don't do it.
Instead, I sit there until the beer is gone and the sky is black, and the only sound is crickets and the distant rush of the creek behind the house.
I think about what Luke said. How he trusts me. How I'm the only person he'd trust with Callie.
I think about Callie's hands giving me donuts. Her voice on the phone. The way she said my name.
I think about how I'm going to stay away from her. How Ihave tostay away from her.
How it's the right thing to do.
The only thing to do.
