‘I will come tonight,’ he said, like he’d been building up to say it all day.
‘To South Cove? Are you sure?’
‘I am sure,’ he said.
And he seemed so adamant that I didn’t question him any further. ‘We will go on my Vespa?’
I smiled and nodded, and once he’d finished cleaning the tables, I let him lead me towards the reception.
‘Wait,’ I said, halfway there. I couldn’t just go to this party without telling him. It wasn’t fair. Not when I’d finally understood it in my own head.
‘Is something wrong?’
‘I need to talk to you about something.’ I tried to keep eye contact, but it was too painful, so I let my gaze fall to the floor.
‘Is it about Antoine?’
Then I looked up. ‘It’s about us. I think you’re amazing, Felix, I really do –’
‘But I am not him,’ he said sadly.
I shook my head. ‘No, it’s not that. You feel like family to me.’ I took his hands in mine, and he let me. ‘Like the brother I never had. And that’s not like some consolation prize or something, I really mean it.’ Tears pricked my eyes as all the emotion swelled to the surface like a wave. I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing tears away.
‘It is OK.’ Felix put his hand on my cheek, and I leaned into it. ‘I do not want you to be sad.’
‘I didn’t want to hurt you,’ I said, unable to keep the tears in any more, and a few rolled down my cheek, over Felix’s hand.
‘I know. But I would rather have you as a friend than nothing at all.’
I hugged him then, burying my head in his shoulder and breathing in the scent of this beautiful, sweet boy.
‘We should go now?’ Felix whispered into my hair, and I nodded my reply.
We walked to the Vespa and he handed me a helmet.
I wrapped my arms round his chest and watched the French countryside fly by in the soft blue twilight. We drove towards the coast, along winding roads, the wind still warm on my legs.
Felix parked on a hill and helped me off. I pulled the helmet from my head and handed it to him.
‘We are here. The South Cove, but there is nowhere to park down there,’ Felix said. I wasn’t really listening. I’d walked over to the edge of the hill to look at the view.
The sea looked beautiful, endless as it blended with the darkening sky. Felix stood beside me, and I leaned against his shoulder.
‘Are you OK?’ I looked at him as he watched the water, wondering why he was putting himself through this. Another beach.
‘I will be OK. It is important for me to be here tonight.’
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘Gabriel,’ Felix replied. ‘But we should go before I change my mind.’
We walked side by side down a steep path and I wondered if this had been Gabriel’s favourite beach or something. I didn’t want to break the comfortable silence between us, so I didn’t ask. I could hear voices from the top of the hill. The pathopened up into a little cove, already full of groups of people sitting around driftwood fires. The sound of someone playing a metal drum gave a backdrop beat to the night.
A barbecue was set up way back from the water. I could feel Felix’s hand tense in mine as we walked towards it.
‘Are you really OK?’ I asked. But he didn’t have a chance to answer.
‘Felix!’ Sébastian called out, louder than the music, the chatting, and the hiss of the waves on the shore.
