Something lifted in me when I saw Priya’s smiling face. ‘OK, yeah. Like zero butterflies with Felix now, and I feel like such a bitch, like I’ve led him on, but he’s just so nice. You know?’
Priya nodded in understanding. ‘Totally get it.’ Then her eyes lit up with a grin. ‘OK tell me about the other one.’
And I couldn’t help but smile as his face filled my head. ‘Antoine. My surf instructor. He totally drives me crazy, and can be seriously patronizing, but makes me feel more alive than I’ve felt in years! Like every time I see him I get goosebumps and my heart goes mental … but he’s refusing to teach me to surf any more, so now Delphine is training me secretly –’
‘Hold on. Secretly? Why?’ Priya’s forehead creased in confusion.
I rolled my eyes. ‘Yeah. Mum and Dad don’t know, and the fight with Antoine was because he said I wasn’t ready to surf properly after I got into trouble in the water. So Delphine offered to coach me for the qualifier for this competition in September –’
‘September?’ Priya’s voice was getting increasingly high-pitched.
‘She said I might be able to qualify for it.’ I’d lowered my voice. On the off-chance someone was outside my door.
‘And you’re going to stay? In France?’
And my heart melted when Priya said it the way she did. Like it really was my choice. And a real possibility.
I bit my lip. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Jesus.’ Priya exhaled. ‘Drama. Intrigue. Secret training montages. It’s pretty much your standard teen sports movie at this point.’ She laughed.
‘Help me, P. Tell me what to do.Please,’ I begged.
‘Surf the qualifier, enjoy the rest of your holiday. It sounds like you’ve already decided on which boy will solve your boy problem though. Oh, and one last thing. Update your best friend on every detail.’ She smiled.
‘That’s it?’
‘What did you expect? I’m not that philosophical. It feels like you’re making everything way more complicated than it needs to be.’
‘Maybe you’re right.’
‘I usually am. Actually, I do have one more thing. Maybe Ishouldbe a philosopher … Maybe it’s not really about your French boys.Maybeit’s about running away from decisions. Like swimming, like our friendship. Maybe it’s time to stop running?’
I stared into the screen and let her words settle in the silence.
‘You OK?’ Priya squinted at me through the screen, then tapped it with her fingernail.
‘Yeah. Thanks, Aristotle.’ I smiled.
Priya grinned. ‘What doyouactually want?’
‘When did you get so wise?’
‘Maybe it happened the same time you went AWOL? Jokes. I’ve always been wise.’
I had a lot to think about. We hung up and I put the phone down on my bed.
WhatdidI actually want?
And when I thought it over, it wasn’t Felix’s or Antoine’s face that filled my head. When I closed my eyes, it was the rush of the waves that took over my senses. The hairs on my arms stood on end as I imagined the cool salt water around me. The sound of the waves roared in my ears, and mock adrenaline shot through my veins. I needed to stay true to that. To stop running, stop reacting. Surfing was what I was here to do, and there was nothing that could shake that.
I walked to the Brasserie to find Felix. I had it all in my head what I was going to say – I’d tell him I thought that we were better as friends. I’d changed into my little black dress, with a baggy, faded black jumper over it.
He was wiping a table when I got there, and when he saw me, his face lit up. My stomach lurched. He was in a white shirt and black jeans, with his sleeves rolled up and a cloth in his hand. He put it down and kissed both my cheeks.
‘Do you want to hang out for a bit?’ I asked, steeling myself for our conversation.
He took my hand and led me away from the busy Brasserie, far enough that we could hear cicadas chirping around us.
