After lunch we walked around the town and Felix bought me a bracelet. It reminded me of the friendship bracelets that me and Priya used to give each other in primary school. This one was blue and black thread twisted together. I loved it. And it only made me want to go to more tourist shops.
For the next couple of hours, I followed Felix around the lesser-known parts of Saint-Jean-de-Luz like I was trying to keep up with a tour guide. But I loved it, soaking it all in. And of course we stopped for ice cream.La glace.The shop had about a million different flavours. Felix made me order bymyself to help my French, and I was so proud when I managed to tell the guy behind the counter exactly what I wanted.
‘I am impressed,’ Felix said outside. I even ordered his for him too.
‘You owe me some for that.’ I reached over and managed to lick his ice cream before he pulled it away.
And then we kissed in the street, ice-cream-cold tongues colliding, happiness radiating from our sun-kissed skin.
We had savoury crêpes at the side of the street. Then more kissing.
The streets were illuminated by the golden glow of the sun when Felix asked if I wanted to see his house.
At that moment, I couldn’t have thought of anything more perfect. There was something so calming about being with Felix, like I knew he would never do anything to hurt me.
We got back on the Vespa and rode past vineyards and fields of sunflowers for about twenty minutes before Felix turned to our right and drove up a long, dusty pathway.
At the end of the road there was a house. The cutest thing I’d ever seen – white stone, blue shutters, with vines growing up the walls.
I climbed off the Vespa and removed my helmet.
‘This is beautiful,’ I said, taking it all in. The house backed on to endless trees, and there was a ripped football net in one corner of the little front garden. And it reminded me to tell Rue that Lexie had replied about the disability team. I said I’d give her a call about it when I got home.
‘I thought I would show you where I grew up.’
‘It’s so French!’ I laughed, and that made him laugh too.
I followed him inside. Into the kitchen that was painted white with dark wooden beams on the ceiling, and pots and pans hanging from hooks on every wall space.
‘My mother. She likes to cook,’ Felix said when he saw me looking at all the utensils.
‘Do you want to see my room?’
I nodded, following him.
I had no idea what his room would be like, but when he led me into the first room on the left down the little hall, it just made sense. Floor-to-ceiling stacked bookshelves filled one wall. Against another was a narrow bed with plain blue sheets and white pillows. Against a third, a desk, nestled underneath shuttered windows, and walls covered with posters of French movies and bands I’d never heard of.
I walked over to the desk and pushed the shutter open gently, letting a streak of light into the dark room.
‘Not too much, you will let the heat in.’ Felix pulled the shutter back a bit then sat on the desk in front of me. I stood between his legs and looked into his eyes.
‘Thank you for earlier. For telling me your story about your sister, and when you felt the same.’ Felix looked so sad that I thought about asking if he wanted to talk about what had happened to him earlier, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment. The sound of the breeze outside, the creak of the shutters, the old smell of the books on the shelves, the coconut suncream on my skin. Just being there. Together.
‘Of course,’ I whispered, then leaned in and kissed him. Gently. But I let my lips linger on his, pressing them harder against him to let him know what I really wanted.
And I didn’t need to explain myself, because he reached for my T-shirt and pulled it gently over my head. I reached for his hand and pulled him towards the bed, where I lay down.
He just looked at me for a second. And I wasn’t embarrassed. Like I used to be when it was Theo. Like I was always doing the wrong thing and making everything awkward. Felix made me feel beautiful and it was like there would be nothing I could do that was wrong.
I watched him take off his shirt. And his trousers. Tanned skin and muscles that I was desperate to touch. I mirrored him, taking off my shorts and lay there on the bed.
‘You are sure?’ he asked, lying on top of me and taking his weight on his elbows. I stroked his biceps gently and looked into his eyes.
‘I’m sure,’ I said. Then I pulled him closer, his mouth was on mine again, and as we kissed, I could feel him grow hard against me. He reached for a condom, and I smiled as I watched him struggle with it before I took off my underwear.
Having sex with Felix felt different than it did with Theo. With Theo I was always in my own head, doubting myself, hoping it felt good for him and not giving my own pleasure a second thought. It made me hate seeing it on television, or reading about it in books, because the sex I was having was so far removed from the way it was on screen. Slow and romantic, like they were telepathic and knew exactly what to do to make each other feel good.
But with Felix? That’s exactly how it felt. Like every single movement of his hips had been prompted by a thought that I’d sent him through the ether. I buried my face in his shoulder and breathed him in, raising my hips and gripping on to thesoft waves of hair at the back of his neck as I relaxed into rhythmic waves of pleasure before feeling him do the same.
