His eyes closed, his breath trembling on those lips. His skin was so olive, but there was still that blush of bronze. “Don’t lie to me, Rowena. Don’t…don’t lie.”
“I’m not lying. I want…” my voice caught in my throat. “I want this. I want you.”
“You’re trying to make me feel better, and you can’t. I’m not going to let you…convince me to hurt you again. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.” There was so much pain in his voice, in the tension of his brow. I ran my fingers across it, his skin that was almost too soft.
“...then let me lead.” I rose up on my toes, and I kissed him.
He stiffened as my lips took his, tension still in his shoulders, his chest. I cradled his face to me, ran my fingers through his hair that I finally could touch. His mouth moved in response to mine, halting, almost unwilling, regardless of the war in his head. I moved closer, let my shoulders touch his.
“You don’t have to do this,” he murmured, his lips barely moving under mine.
“I know,” I swallowed. “I know you’d lie for me.” Our foreheads brushed each other.
“Then why, Rue?” His eyes opened, my heart tightening in my chest at the shock of them, amber and gold, oak and sun.
“Can’t I just want you?” I whispered. “So much has been stolen from us. But I want…”
Did henotwant this? But no, every line of him, every tension, his throat moving as he swallowed…, his thoughts against mine, trying to read me, my eyes, the color in my face, my own breath that hitched as I touched him.If she’s a liar, she’s a wretchedly good one.I saw my lips curve through his eyes, as hesaid that.If she wants…if it’s animal, if she does want…His focus shifted to my shift, to the fabric that was the last thing between us, back to my lips. He wanted me too. He wanted me too.
If only he could see inside my mind, too. If only I could lay my heart bare. If only power ran through both of us. “How can I show you?” I whispered.
His lips moved, but nothing came, his thoughts chaos, formless.
“Can we sit?”
A riot of images flashed through his mind, the knowledge that this put us into compromise, that he was harder to touch when I was on my toes. But he lowered himself onto the mattress, and he’d been right; it was easier to kiss him here. I knelt next to him on the mattress, and I took his face and brought my mouth to his again, soft.
Because this was Khal, Khal who’d been so gentle and attentive every time I was hurt, Khal who was ready to stand up to his parents to make sure no one pressed me about him. Khal who’d said no by the pool, because he’d realized, already, that I wasn’t ready to say no to him, who would stand up for me when I couldn’t.
This was the person I was safest with in the whole brutal, terrifying world.
“I thought maybe,” I murmured against his mouth, “that you would know I loved you, when I kissed you after you fought for me in the ring.”
He bowed his forehead to mine, inhaled. “I wasn’t sure if I’d dreamed that,” he admitted. “I was…very out of it.” The magic, so strong and clear here, gave me a clear impression of some other things he had dreamed about, things with a lot less distance between us than this chaste kiss.
I laughed, not because anything was funny, just because it felt like a release. “Can we give you something else to dream about?”
He closed his eyes again. He was doing that a lot, steadying himself. His thoughts against mine were a litany of control, punctuated with riot. “I need to make sure you’re okay.”
I moved closer, my body grazing his. “Then if you hurt me I’ll say ‘ow.’ That’s enough, right?”
He looked at me.
“Khal?” I said, my bravado half-false. “Will you kiss me?”
I felt the heartbeat as he tried to remember words, Orcish, Ka Morth, any of it. “I…alright. We can…kiss.”
I leaned in, and had to grab his shoulders for balance, and his hands caught my hips. His breath caught. His pupils were so wide. “I think I’m safe with you.” His nose was so strong, so sculpted and rough and perfect. I wanted to kiss the bridge of his nose. I wanted to love every part of him. I wanted him to know how good every piece of him was. I wanted…
“May I?” I whispered.
He blinked, nodded.
I didn’t know what I was doing. It was silly. I was silly. But I started kissing him, his eyebrow, his temple, the crest of his nose, watching the heat spread across his skin, the way his breathing changed. His thoughts were almost quiet, like all the world, the way he talked to himself, narrowed to the softness of my lips on his skin, and then…and then heat was spreading across my skin, as his awareness came across the bond, his warrior’s focus magnifying each place my body brushed against his, the control in his stillness. I brushed a halting kiss against the corner of his perfect mouth, and he turned his head, and he took me.
His hands on my back were pulling me to him, even as I pulled him to me, my hands in his hair, his mouth hard and soft against mine, the taste of him like rain and iron.
He dragged me in, and I tumbled into his arms, across his lap with a yipe.
