“Because you’re kind. You’re good. All of you…even Tyralk, when he’s not being an idiot. Even Vrathgar.”
He shrugged. “It’s a habit. You start caring about someone, like…like they’re a dog that bites you, but they’re still something good. They feel and think and hurt. You start seeing what’s good in them, and then you can’t stop.”
“But he hates you.” I dug my nails into the earth, as if I was going to fall off.
He rolled his head to look at me. “When Sephar was younger, we were inseparable. We'd climb trees, jump over the rocks, try to throw sticks the farthest. And he always had to prove he was better than me, he could throw it farther, climb higher, jump faster. And I didn't care. He was my big cousin. I didn't mind that he was stronger or faster. I just wanted him to like me.” His smile stilled. “Things got bad when I won the first time.”
A shaft of sunlight broke through the trees, pollen dancing on the air, and I almost gasped at the golden spar of it. Khal reached his hand out, as if to catch the warmth on his skin. “And I realized that I had seen us as brothers, but he…he couldn’t be happy unless he was better than me.” He shrugged. “You can’t live trying to convince someone that they’re worth enough that they shouldn't hurt you.”
I traced the shape of his nose, the line where it might have been broken at some point, the arc of his cheek. “You make it a habit of loving people who aren’t worth it.”
He didn’t smile. “I don’t think I do.” His eyes cut over to me, still that amber fire. “But this isn’t because of you, Rowena. It was always going to come to this. I was always going to have tofight him, today or another day. And I was always going to have to stand up to my mother. Choosing you, doing this…I just chose the day.”
I rolled onto my side, so I could see him better. Sunlight dappled on his face, the fabric of that shirt. “But why didn’t your mother stop him? When she saw he was trying to hurt you?” She didn’t look like someone who’d back down from a fight. Piotr didn’t either, even jolly on his crutch.
“She believed strongly in letting whelps handle conflict between them, and in letting power struggles run their course. Not that she didn’t want me to succeed, just…I needed to succeed. She wasn’t going to tell others to be nice to her son.” He rolled his head to look at me. “She’s fair. She’s not particularly…nurturing, but she’s fair. Mostly.”
“What’s she like?” My brief glimpse of her had been so aggressive, but people weren’t their most aggressive selves. I’d seen people fight bitterly in the warrens and be kind behind doors.
“She’s a good chieftain. She protects her people. She loves my father, more than she’ll show.” He half-smiled again. “Maybe that’s the trouble between us, because I only know her as a warrior-leader. But I am not her soldier. And I’m not a muddy child to chastise anymore.” He stretched. “She can try to give me orders again. But it will not go the way she plans.”
I rested my head on my arm. “Your father seemed so different.”
“He is. He’s having an easier time adjusting to the change, I think, me being older. But he’s the one who’s been here all the time, watching me grow. She’d come back from beating back an encroacher, and suddenly I can walk. Suddenly I can think and disagree. It must have been disorienting.”
The sunlight vanished, cut off by some cloud. The air felt colder.
“You said this place was special earlier.”
He shook his head. “It’s just a place I’d come to be alone. Vrathgar and Tyralk learned to find me here.”
“They seem to really care for you.”
“They’re good friends.” He glanced over at me. “You’re shivering.”
I hadn’t noticed, but I was.
He reached out, automatically, and then stopped.
“I don’t mind,” I said, hoping he couldn’t read beneath the schooled calm of my face.
He stayed there. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he said.
“Well,” I got out. “It’s uncomfortable to be cold.”
He leveraged himself closer, his eyes locked on me, and put his arm around my shoulders. I scooted closer, into the heat of his side, and then stayed rigidly still, like that could help me pretend that this was really about warmth. He shifted, and I rested, too lightly, my head on his shoulder. My heart beat stupidly fast.
“I’m not afraid,” he said. “About fighting Sephar.”
I waited against the curve of his side.
“I’m not afraid,” he said again. “I’ll just be relieved when it’s over.” He looked at me, like he was looking for something in my eyes. I hoped he would find it. “Rowena?—"
Laughter rang out from the trees, and Khal whipped up onto his feet. “Come on,” he said. “We should get back.” He helped me up. The giggles and snickers continued. “The sun sets early in the mountain, and we have dinner with my parents.”
He was walking quicker than before. His hands found my waist to lift me into a ledge.
“Are we in danger?”
