I stared at the ceiling. “This isn’t safe. I’m not safe.”
“When Gernaz lost his brother, he had nightmares too. Sometimes he’d lash out at us. It took him a long time to be inthe same kind of terrain, to do the same kind of things.” He was resting on one forearm, his face calm. "It is normal to feel unsafe when you're not. It's normal to lash out when you're…suffering. But it doesn't last forever. You get through."
I was shaking. "I shouldn't even be the one who's broken over this." It was like a dam breaking, the emotions drowning me. "You're the one they hurt."
"Being helpless is terrible. Not being able to save someone is terrible." He looked away. "And when you saved me…it wasn't you making decisions. They were burning. You were screaming. It looked like we were all going to die. It's alright, to be scared."
The distance between us was less than a foot, but I thought what a fool I was for pulling away, when I needed him so badly. I wanted his warmth. I wanted to pull close to him, to cling to what should never have been mine. There were tears dripping down my face, and he was the only one who didn't think I was a fool. "I thought we'd be safe. And I almost got you…" my voice broke.
He moved, slow, deliberate. "Can I hold you?"
I turned into his chest. I clung to him, let the tears come, wracking sobs. I clung to his shirt, and his arm was under my head, and I…
"This wasn't your fault," he murmured. "It wasn't fair, and it wasn't your fault."
My voice shook, my face buried in his chest. "I trusted them."
His hand stroked over my head. "How old were you, when you left the city?"
"I don't know," I whispered. "I was small."
"You can't blame a child for not seeing the reasons not to trust people. You saw the best in people who'd been better to you than your father had." His arms held me a little tighter. "You told me you'd never seen an orc before. You couldn't have known how they'd react when they saw me."
“But I should have.”
His fingers brushed over my shoulder. “We have enough to deal with without adding should-haves. You’re here with me, and we’re safe. Let’s just…” He went quiet.
“Just what?” I whispered. My throat was so tight.
He swallowed. “Let’s just be here. Alright? I’m glad…to be with you.”
I felt the tears slip down my face, but I didn’t speak, didn’t make a sound, because it was too strange that I was the problem, I was the one who’d lied to him, hurt him, I was bringing him all these problems, but somehow, right now, I was something that he wanted.
I rested against his heart, with his arms around me, listening to him, the strong pulse of him, the even, steady breathing, till my own shallow breaths slowed with his, till his warmth seeped through his skin to me. I felt…safe.
“Khal?” I said.
“Yes?” His voice was husky, rough, but he didn’t mean to scare me. This wasn’t anger, this was some other feeling. I knew that.
“Why are you wearing a shirt?”
He sighed, deep, and I felt it on my hair. “I didn’t want to startle you.”
“I’ve seen your chest before,” I mumbled. “It’s odd to get modest, after…”
He took a breath, and I think I felt heat spread across his skin. “Not like that,” he rasped. “Just…youdidn’tburn me. But there were…I took some damage. There are some marks. I didn’t want to scare you.”
I brushed my fingers over his upper arm, where some harder cloth bunched beneath the sleeve. He flinched, just a little.
“Sorry.”
“You’re fine.” He shifted, carefully, whether so cautious for me or for these unknown injuries, I didn’t know. “The scars will be good, with treatment. I mean…our people wear them with honor. I don’t know if your people admire…” He flushed again. He was nervous.
I craned up, to kiss his cheek. “They’re attractive. We’re the same.” It wasn’t much of a lie. Probably orc women had an easier time navigating having scars than we did. But they didn’t seem to hinder the human men much, when they weren’t on the face.
He let out a breath, closed his eyes. “I wish I didn’t get so tongue-tied with you.”
I laughed, softly. When I thought of being tongue-tied, Khal was the last person I thought of.
