‘You can’t stop thinking about the accident.’ She finishes the sentence for me and I feel impossibly guilty when I realize this might be the first time in her life she isn’t entirely right. Ihavestopped thinking about the accident, at least some of the time, and I don’t deserve the reprieve.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask and there’s a little snuffling sound, not quite a sob but enough to pull on my heartstrings.
‘It’s hard … My dad is still so angry with me and I hate that I can’t talk to anyone. They’re all still asking what happened with us, why you left. My friends know I’m not telling them the whole story.’
I stare at the staircase in front of me, the first wooden step dipping in the centre from decades of use. I know you can’t believe everything you see online but the whole time I was locked up at home, Bre was running around with her friends. She didn’t have any real injuries, just a few scratches, and if she felt bad about what happened, you’d never know it from her social media. The few times I managed to check in on the family computer, she looked like she was doing just fine without me and the more I thought about it, the more I realized she’d been doing just fine without me for months, even when we were still together.
‘There is no “whole story”,’ I tell her. ‘I got the chance to play for Hemden. I didn’t want to do long distance. We called it. I’m the asshole, end of conversation.’
‘Wasn’t that easy convincing everyone you’d turned your backon your precious team at the drop of a hat,’ Bre replies. ‘Wasn’t so easy to convince them you turned your back on me.’
‘Would’ve thought you’d have that part covered since you were the one who broke it off.’
‘My dad didn’t give me a lot of choice.’
‘Didn’t seem like you put up much of a fight.’
‘Yeah, well …’ She swallows and it echoes down the line. ‘How is Chris?’
Classic Bre. Didn’t like where the conversation was headed so she goes in with a low blow. It’s so obvious now. She’s more upset about her friends believing I’m the one who ended things with her than she is about what really happened that night.
‘How do you think?’ I murmur. ‘Chris is in a wheelchair and it’s my fault. My brother hates me as much as you do.’
‘Ethan.’ She breathes my name on a sigh that used to mean something so different. ‘This isn’t getting us anywhere, I should go. And I don’t think you should call me again. My dad wouldn’t like it if he found out and, oh, Ethan, I don’t know what else to say. Things weren’t all that great between us before the accident, you know.’
She exhales my name again and I manage a despondent smile into the receiver, one she can’t see but I think she can feel. Whatever we had is so far gone, I can hardly recall it.
‘There’s no point playing woulda, shoulda, coulda,’ Bre says. ‘You made all the decisions, not me.’
‘They were for the best.’
‘Best for who?’
‘All of us?’
I was so certain at the time but in hindsight, I’m not so sure. I lean my head backwards and tap it lightly against the wall. ‘It’s not like I had a lot of time to think about it. When you wake up ina turned-over Jeep and you don’t know if your brother and your girlfriend are dead or alive, you kinda panic.’
‘You don’t need to remind me. I was there, I know.’
‘You sure you haven’t told anyone?’ I ask.
‘We might not be together anymore, but I know it’s important to you,’ she replies, indignant. There’s a heavy pause and then she speaks again. ‘I heard there’s a girl from Marshall at that new school of yours.’
I hear the question in her statement, curiosity or jealousy, I’m not sure. She never did like to compete and I doubt that’s changed even though we’re not together.
‘Yeah, there is,’ I reply warily.
‘Mia something?’
My stomach clenches at her casual ignorance, like I can’t comprehend someone not knowing everything about Mia Meyers.
‘Kylie says we had a class with her last year, but I don’t remember.’
‘No reason why you should,’ I tell her, suddenly desperate to throw her off Mia’s scent. It’s an innocent enough statement but I know her too well.
It hurt like hell to walk away from my home, my girlfriend, Marshall and my team. When I arrived at Hemden, I thought I had nothing else left to lose but that’s not true anymore. Four thousand miles away and Bre could take it from me, if she wanted. One email. One letter. She’s not naturally cruel but she is her father’s daughter and that man has never knowingly let a living soul get one over on him in his life. If Breanna knew how I felt about Mia, all bets would be off. She could get in touch with her no problem, writing a letter is simple enough. Worse still, I wouldn’t be able to defend myself if she did. It eats me up, knowing that I haven’t told Mia the whole truth about why I’m here, but I can’t even if I wantedto. And deep down, Ireallydon’t want to because everyone who does know, hates me.
‘You must’ve at least run into her, this Mia,’ Bre says lightly. ‘What’s she like?’
