An offer like this could change my life and he knows it.
‘Can I think about it?’ I say as his hand falls away.
‘Of course.’
He sticks his hands in his pockets and takes a step backwards. ‘I did try to find you last night, after you left,’ he adds. ‘But by the time I caught up with you, it looked like you were busy.’
All the blood runs out of my face and truly I would make the worst poker player of all time.
‘Busy?’
‘Yeah. And you weren’t alone, I didn’t want to intrude.’
His face gives nothing away but there’s only one thing he could mean. He saw me with Ethan.
‘You should’ve said something,’ I make myself say, rubbing the clasp of the bracelet I’d put back on the instant I walked into my room last night. ‘Why didn’t you?’
‘Well, it looked like you were in the middle of a barney with that roommate of yours and you were already upset with me. I didn’t want to make matters worse.’
A rush of relief is quickly wiped away by a chaser of guilt. I’m judging him for a meaningless hook-up when I was grinding on my roommate at the exact same time.
‘Why don’t we go out one night this week, Tuesday’s good for me,’ he says. ‘A proper date, just me and you, dinner, drinks, we could go to the cinema, whatever you want. There’s an amazing Herzog retrospective on at the Showroom, we should do that.’
‘Sure, maybe,’ I agree, vague and non-committal. ‘I’ll let you know.’
He leans in and places a swift, soft kiss on my cheek and gives me a gentle smile. One I’d memorized and almost convinced myself I loved.
‘Talk to you later then.’
‘Later,’ I echo, a million different emotions fighting for attention at the same time.
I don’t want to go to a Herzog retrospective with him, whatever that is, and the way he tried to excuse his behaviour last night was ugly. But the chance of an internship at Herringbone … it could change the course of my whole life. It’s not a happy truth but the reality is, someone like me usually needs someone like Oliver to open those kinds of doors. It’s something I need to think about.
But not right now.
Right now, there’s someone else I have to talk to and thanks to Oliver, I’m more certain than ever that it can’t wait.
40
Mia
Ethan isn’t at the boat race. He doesn’t show up to The Snug after soccer training, and he isn’t in Members or at the ref around dinner. Now it’s almost eleven and I’ve been sat in our shared kitchen for three hours waiting on him. If nothing else, I’ve gotten a lot of reading done.
When the front door opens, I hold my breath until he strides right past the door without looking in. Damn him. With no alternative, I close my book, rise to my feet and prepare myself for whatever is coming next.
I knock on his door once, then twice, impatient to be done with this, my body vibrating with not-great anticipation. He still doesn’t answer. It would help if I knew what I wanted to say, but I don’t. All I want from him is the truth. Was I right? Is he playing with me? Or did he mean all those things he said? Because if he did …
The door opens and Ethan appears. His hair clings damp to his forehead like he just got out of the shower, grey sweatpants, blue henley, bare feet.
‘Can we talk?’ I ask and he breathes in so deep his chest swells. But he lets me in, opening the door just enough for me to scoot inside.
It’s dimly lit, only a desk lamp to illuminate the room. Well, a desk lamp and that damn sandalwood candle. I hover by the desk,Ethan with his hands in his pockets, staring at me. No, staring past me. He’s focusing on the window over my shoulder, the curtains not yet closed.
‘So, what do you want to talk about?’
‘Last night.’ I perch against the windowsill to let him know I’m not going anywhere. ‘Things got a little crazy.’
‘Did they?’
