What does this mean? Is it some sort of hint from the universe? And if it is, what the hell am I supposed to do with it?
I dismount from Luna and race over to the tree to inspect the etchings.
Sue loves Ezra
K&E for ever
Exactly like River described.
And then, right near the bottom, just above where the tree meets the earth …
I inhale sharply.
River loves Gertie
Loves.
He loves me.
There it is. Incontrovertible evidence. A cowboy in love.
I reach out to run a hand over the engravings, but snatchit back at the last minute. In the Outlander books, Claire used the stones as a portal to travel through time by touching them with her hands. If I touch the tree I might end up in Bedlam, and as much as I’m desperate to see River, leaving my entire life behind without warning is not what I want.
My heart starts beating out of my chest as I look behind me, half-expecting Estella to show up and drag me and Luna away.
I shrug off my backpack, rustling inside it until I find the Moleskine I’ve been making notes in for my next novel. I grab my pen and tear out a page, my breath coming in pants while Luna watches on patiently. I might not have much time. Estella seemed like the kind of person who might actually call the police on me.
I start to scribble.
River,
I don’t have much time. And if you don’t get this then none of it matters anyway. But … what if you do? I think I’m at your tree. The one you told me about. And if I am, and if by some miracle you get this, then I want to tell you.
I miss you. So much. I’m happy and well and so much better than I was when we first met, but I miss you. My God, I miss you every day.
Being alone has been wonderful. And while I don’t need to be part of a duo to feel whole, I realise that I very much want to be. Specifically, with you.
God knows you might have another girlfriend now. Or even be married, since I turned you into a sentimental old coffee boiler. But if you’re not? And if you want to? And if you can?
Come back.
I pull out my phone and tap onto the calendar, checking the date of the next full moon. Tomorrow? I gasp. 20 August. Josie’s birthday. Exactly a year since River turned up in my apartment with nothing but a bag of jeans and his Daddy’s harmonica.
That is not a hint from the universe. Surely that’s a big fuck-off billboard surrounded by flashing lights.
I press my pen back to the paper.
There’s a full moon tomorrow night. 20 August. I’m going to – and I can’t believe I’m saying this – but I’m going to do another manifestation ceremony in the hope that maybe the universe will give us another go. So if you want this, be at the tree. And if you don’t, then, well, I understand. And I will love you anyway, just from afar, with all of my heart.
Yours,
Gertie
And then, taking off River’s hat, I prop it against the tree, tucking the note safely beneath it, being careful not to let my skin touch the trunk, just in case. I stand back and stare atthe tree for a little longer, pulling my phone out to snap a picture of the etching for evidence.
I know that even if by some miracle River somehow sees the letter propped against his tree, that it’s entirely likely he’s moved on from me. I have no doubt he’ll have been inundated with offers. But still.
Stranger things have happened. Literally.
