Grandma wrings her hands together. ‘After she left, Thomas came back.’
I blink. ‘What?’
‘He came back four days later to return the money. He told us he was in love with Rose and realized he’d made a mistake. Your grandfather sent him away, told him that Rose had to decided to go and live with family in New York and that he must never, ever darken our doorway again. I felt horribly guilty.’
My throat aches with something, I’m not sure what it is. ‘My father came back and you never told her?’ I whisper in disbelief.
Grandma starts to sob even louder. I hate it. My first instinct is to make her feel better, but she doesn’t deserve it. Because of her snobbishness, my mother lived her whole life believing that the person she loved took money to abandon her. And he didn’t. He did love her. Maybe if she’d known, she wouldn’t have . . .
‘Jack forbade me to tell her. He was my husband. I had to listen to him.’
‘She was pregnant, for fuck’s sake!’
‘We didn’t know that until after we’d sent Thomas away. I only knew when I found Rose’s diaries in an untied trash bag behind the outside bins. By that time it was too late.’
I run my hands through my hair. I can’t believe it.
‘She lived her entire life believing a lie. It ruined her!’
‘I’m know, and I am sorry,’ Grandma cries. ‘I thought I knew what was best for my daughter. If she had only listened to my advice, she wouldn’t have got involved with such an unsavoury man in the first place. Let herself get pregnant out of wedlock.’
I shake my head. ‘You’re unbelievable,’ I spit, standing up. ‘I knew you were old-fashioned, but that’s just absurd. How can you not see how awful and judgemental that is?’
The back of my eyes sting. I need to get out of here.
‘It’s my biggest regret,’ Grandma says in a small voice. ‘The entire thing destroyed Jack. He started drinking heavily after Rose ran away, he lost control of Delightex, our entire fortune went, he became cold and distant. Her leaving with his grandchild, cutting all ties, refusing to even speak to us again . . . it shattered me, but it killed him. He had his heart attack less than two years later. Believe me, I’ve felt sorry for it every day of my life. I tracked Rose down after Jack passed. Found both of you in that tiny house in Manchester. When I got there, she screamed and lashed out at me. Said that if I loved her at all I would never contact her again. What could I do, Jessica? I didn’t know what to do. So I knocked on the door of your next-door neighbour—’
‘Nosy Mrs Farraway?’ I whisper.
‘Yes, Mrs Farraway. And I offered to pay her if she would send me monthly updates on how the two of you were faring. That’s how I found out that Rose had . . . that she had . . .’ Grandma trails off, her face crumpled with upset.
I try to swallow, but there’s a huge lump in the way.
‘If you knew she’d died then why did you never come to her funeral?’ I ask, my voice cracking slightly with anguish. ‘Why did you never try to find me?’
‘I did go to her funeral.’
‘What? You’re lying. You didn’t.’
‘Idid, Jessica. I was standing right at the back, behind the other guests. I saw you there with your friend. You were . . . a little worse for wear.’
I get a flashback to Mum’s funeral. How I drank half a bottle of tequila beforehand, how Summer basically had to help me stand upright. So wasted, I didn’t even know Matilda was there.
‘Why didn’t you come and talk to me?’ I spit. ‘Things could have been so different. I was alone. I had no one.’
The tears roll down Grandma’s face, plopping off one by one onto the collar of her cream dressing gown.
‘I wanted to, Jessica. I wanted to very much. But when your mum passed, I received a letter from her solicitor instructing that I should never try to make contact with you.’
‘Well, what do you call this?’ I scream, indicating the pair of us.
‘I didn’t seek you out. You came to me. I couldn’t turn you away. You needed someone.’
‘No,youneeded someone. Someone to manipulate. Someone to do your bidding and do your stupid project. Well, congratulations. It worked. I’ll write the book. Your house will be saved. Yippee for you.’
‘I don’t care about that. Maybe I did, but I don’t now. I only care about you.’
‘Someone who cared about me wouldn’t have put me in the situation I was in tonight. I feel like shit about what I’ve done. We’ve really hurt somebody.’
