“What! That’s never happened to me. Maybe I need to go to the hospital,” I said frantically.
“You’re good. Drink this water.” He handed me a bottle of water, and we just laid there until I gathered my composure. He was right. I was okay after that. I’ve heard about women squirting but I’ve never experienced it. I’ve never heard of passing out, but I found out that it sometimes happened during sex. This man topped this vacation off with an ultimateexperience, and I’d never forget this moment in this beautiful ass place.
We werefresh home from Bali, and I wasn’t feeling well at all. I thought I would start feeling better, but it seemed like I’d gotten worse. I went from having the time of my life to barely even being able to get out of bed. Legacy wanted to take me to the hospital, but the thought of seeking medical care in a Third World country terrified me, so I sucked it up as best as I could to make it back to the states.
As soon as we landed, I set an appointment with Dr. Wesbrooke. Unfortunately, the earliest appointment he had was in two days, so I’d been doing my best to push through. Now my appointment day arrived, and I was nervous as hell, even though I already knew what the outcome would be.
“You okay?” I asked Legacy.
Like me, he’d been abnormally quiet and just held my hand as he stared off into space. The silence in Dr. Wesbrooke’s office was so deafening that you could hear a pin drop.
“I’m good, how you feeling? You nervous?”
“A little.” I shrugged.
“Is it routine for them to do all of that bloodwork?”
“Yeah—”
The office door opened and my words were cut short by Dr. Wesbrooke’s presence. He offered a soft smile before extending a hand toward Legacy, but even I could see the bad news within his eyes.
“I’m Dr. Wesbrooke.”
“Legacy Porter,” Legacy introduced himself.
“You wouldn’t happen to be related to Senator Porter, would you?”
“Yes, that’s my father.”
“Small world. We went to college together.” Dr. Wesbrooke smiled then peered at me. “Forever, how are you?” He took a seat at his desk and babbled through the paperwork.
Unlike usual, I was a nervous wreck. I was rarely jittery when I came in for my check-ups, but this time was completely different. This time, I had Legacy with me, and I could see it all in his eyes that he was hopeful. But me? I already knew.
“Um… a little rundown. Tired. It’s been hard for me to get around the last week or so. I’ve gotreallybad aches and pains.”
“Is there any blood in your vomit or stool?” I nodded. “Labored breathing? Fatigue?” Again, I nodded.
“What does all of that mean?” Legacy questioned but Dr. Wesbrooke just continued staring at him in silence. “I said what does all of that mean? I’m confused. You did mad bloodwork, what did that show?” He pressed, and I gently picked his hand up and rubbed it soothingly.
“Your bloodwork shows severe bone marrow failure. Meaning, the leukemia cells have almost entirely crowded out the bone marrow, preventing the production of healthy blood cells. The CBC and metabolic panel also show several profound abnormalities such as low platelets, severe anemia, extreme white blood cell derangement, and elevated BUN and creatinine, which means your kidneys are beginning to fail.”
“So… so what now? We do treatment? Another round of Chemo, what?” Legacy asked, mugging Dr. Wesbrooke, who had locked eyes with me. The room was dead silent as fresh tears welled up at the brim of my eyes. “Yo, am I missing something here? What now? What do we do now? You said all of that but I don’t hear any plans for recourse.”
“There is no recourse, Legacy,” I finally spoke up, my voice just above a whisper. “This is it.”
“What?” Legacy frowned.
“When you first decided to stop treatment, I estimated a year or two at most and you’ve been blessed with almost three. Against all the odds. Honestly, I’m surprised that you’ve made it long as you have, being sick as you are. You told me to be honest with you and to tell you when it was time…and this is it, Forever. We’re at the end. I don’t know if you’ve had a chance to get all of your affairs in order, but now is the time to do that. I can refer you to some palliative care services to make sure that you’re comfortable for the next few weeks and a grief specialist.”
I wiped my eyes and forced a small smile on my face. “Thank you for everything Dr. Wesbrooke.”
Legacy jerked his head back and shot up from his chair. “I’m sorry but fuck this. Ion know what you’re talking about right now, Doc; we don’t accept that. But if you ain’t tryna fight that’s perfectly fine. We’ll find someone else who is. Let’s go, Forever.”
Carefully standing up from my chair, I accepted the papers for the palliative care and grief services then shook Dr. Wesbrooke’s hand. There was so much that I wanted to say to him. So much that I was grateful for. I spent the last year knowing that this day was coming and now that it was here, it still seemed to rock me to the core. Nevertheless, I was extremely grateful for his support, medical advice, and brutal honesty whenever I needed it.
The ride back to my house felt like it took forever. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts, I barely paid Legacy’s huffing and puffing any mind because I was too busy trying to figure out how I was going to explain everything to Hanii. My baby girl was so smart and picked up on everything, but I had been putting off this long overdue conversation for a while now.
We made it to my house, and I was so exhausted that I headed straight to my bedroom to remove my clothes. Sluggishly, I sat down at the foot of my bed just as Legacy entered the room. He walked straight to the closet and began pulling out suitcases one by one. Like a madman, he snatched my clothes off the hangers then shoved them in the suitcases, being sure to clear everything in his path. By his third trip, I finally broke the silence between us with a frown etched on my face.
